AIBU to want some privacy in pregnancy? (long sorry)

[BigBabyBoots]

AIBU to feel that my baby is my baby, and as such my partner and I should be the ones who get to tell people the good news when we feel we're ready, and that we have the right to say we don't want the news or photos splashed all over the internet?

We had our 12 week scan on Thursday and had to go back today (Wednesday) as there was a problem with babies bladder. We were very worried and I'd made it clear I wanted to wait to see what happened before starting to tell more family members.

Fortunately everything was fine and we came home elated, but I'd left my facebook logged on and some aunties and cousins had messaged me saying "Congratulations!". They'd heard the news through a chain of 3 people leading back to my nan. My dad had been so excited about breaking the news to them and now he can't. I'm probably being hormonal and over sensitive but I just feel like my baby is being treated as gossip, there was no respect for my wishes to wait a while.

I also made it clear to my partners family that I don't want them posting anything "to the world" on facebook. It just feels wrong to me, I don't use the site much now and this is a personal experience, not something for any Tom Dick or Harry to read about or see snap shots of. But lo and behold, they've started already... Tags and status updates.

I know it's not just my news, and they're all just so excited sigh. But what if things hadn't of been ok? I lost my last one at around 19 weeks so maybe that's why I'm so protective/defensive this time round.

I think it's just that I feel like baby isn't even here yet and already I'm losing control, no one seems to be listening to what I think are reasonable requests - wait. Keep stum. No facebook.

Someone back me up or gimme a big slap of perspective . Everyone's saying it's me. I know I know, I should just be happy that baby is fine! And I am . Although I don't think I'll relax about that until it's here in my arms. This has just upset me and I needed to talk.

I guess it depends whether you think the baby should be important to the extended family or not. If you do, then I really think you need to get over teh idea that the baby just belongs to you and your OH.

If you don't then fine, but don't complain if you don't think family show enough interest.

When I had my DS by c sec, FIL posted pics on fb that OH had sent to his parents. I was fuming!!! No one even knew I'd had him ( 2 weeks early) so I made him remove them from fb.
They were very intimate pics of us all minutes after he had been born, only for family not for bloody fb!!!

He also put a video up of DS on YouTube, again I asked him to remove it. Made me feel very uncomfortable. YANBU

YANBU. its your news to tell.

My sister in law put the news about our DD being born all over facebook. I was a bit annoyed as I dont use facebook anymore and so she just was boasting to her friends. I was even more furious when it led to my PIL finding out about their first granddaughter from a cousin not from us (they had gone to bed and not checked their voicemail). They were so upset.

I am 30 weeks and no mention of the pg has been made at all by us on FB, and thankfully no one else has mentioned it either.

But....I have found that some friends were absolutely amazed when we told them we were pg because "there was nothing on facebook!". They genuinely expected to see it there first and couldnt understand why we hadnt announced it there! We didnt actually announce the pg til I was 20 weeks precisely because we wanted to avoid the gossip chain and the whole FB thing, and we wont be announcing the birth on there either. This has caused some comment too, with people getting snotty about how they would know I had had her. Well if I tell you within 24 hours its because you are family or a close friend (or on MN probably :o) and if I dont its because you are a nosey sod who I am not that bothered whether you know or not!

Ime it is always the people with the least right to know about these things that want to know the most and who will share the details the most.

YANBU at all.

I loathe this thing where people think they have the right to tell all and sundry especially when they have been told not to.

My MIL done it. We told her when I was pregnant with DD, we said not to tell anyone else. DH bumped into his aunt and cousin in a supermarket and shared the news with them so MIL immediately phoned SIL the second she found out DH told his aunt. DH and his sister are not close but I know he was excited to tell her himself. He really told MIL off for that as she was specifically told not to tell anyone.

We also told her (our stupid fault) what we were calling DD, she phoned and told everyone (even though I was only half way through my pregnancy) "oh CrapBag and DH are calling her xxxxx but we don't know the middle name yet" Me and DH did but we decided not to tell her that. I told her not to tell anyone the name and her response was "why not?" (because its our news to share and tell people, not yours ). Then she wouldn't stop fondling (literally fondling) my belly when pregnant even when she was told not to. She even questioned me on why I didn't like it, when yet again I had to tell her not to. And it has nothing to do with her being a great GP, she barely sees us or bothers like that anyway.

Start being firm now. If you see any comments on FB, comment yourself, and tell them that you told them to keep it off there and tell them they need to delete it. It is rude of anyone to completely ignore what you say to them. My sister posted the picture of DD that I texted her from the hospital on FB. DH was fuming. He hadn't even been home yet and by the time he did (wanting to share the news and pictures himself) most of my family had already seen it.

Nip it in the bud before the baby comes.

And good luck with your pregnancy.

Facebook is the scourge of our times and an evil instrument to be avoided at all costs. YANBU and get shirty and vocal about this and assert yourself. It's your pregnancy and it's your privacy. I LOATHE FB. With a passion. Really bloody detest it. Have I made myself clear? DEFACEBOOK YOURSELVES to save your souls.

YANBU I am glad there wasn't anything like face book when I had my DC's not even home computers mobile phones etc.

When my DD told me she was pregnant with her first baby and asked me to keep it a secret I didn't tell anyone till after the 12 week scan. Her MIL seemed to tell the world IYKWIM so that is why they didn't tell her when DD went into labour she was phoned after the baby was born.

My DN and his wife told no one till she was 14 weeks pregnant my SIL was so annoyed she hadn't been told. They did the same for the second baby in fact I quessed she may be pregnant as SIL had been down to their place and DIL hadn't been having any wine with a meal and she does enjoy a glass of wine. Of course when I mentioned it to SIL I was told there wouldn't be any more babies till they moved as only lived in a small two bedroomed cottage that wasn't them saying that it was SIL.

Anyhow I was right and they stayed in the cottage till their DS was 3.

The other DN was the opposite think they told everyone as soon as the little blue lines appeared on the pregnancy test. I really think I prefer not knowing till at least 12 weeks.

I am on face book but not a great fan and rarely post as I like to tell friends individualy any news I have. My DD's MIL seems to be on it all the time saying what they are doing etc. so I know what's happening with SIL side of family.

When I was pregnant with DD1 we told immediate family at about 10 weeks, but asked them not to tell anyone till after we'd had the results of the 12 week scan. Turns out MIL shared with her best friend.

I don't think too badly of her - I know she was desperately excited and would have been devastated if there were bad news, at which point she'd have wanted that friends support. Fortunately all was well - but she did then drive me insane from 39 weeks till I gave birth by calling every single day "just to see if she's had the baby yet" ("Oh - sorry, were you interested? Yes, she was born last week, 17lb3, called Qwertyuiop... We'll CALL you when she's born!")

When we were expecting DD2 we decided we'd prefer privacy over support should things go wrong, so we told no-one till we felt ready to share. And then we said the EDD was about 10 days later than it really was...

As it is, I've been pregnant 5 times and I've 1 living child from that. If we manage to conceive again I think we'll be doing the same thing - telling no-one until such time as we're happy for the news to spread. It is exciting for the GP's and I am pleased that they're excited, so I won't put them in the position whereby they want to share and have been told not to.

Fingers crossed the rest of your pregnancy is straightforward and trouble free - and that you're relatives don't make it too stressful for you :)

Just a note about Facebook - you can set your privacy settings so no one can see your wall - not even friends. That way any comments that get posted are for your eyes only.

And no, YANBU. I'd have a fit if anyone 'outed' my news like that. Insensitive twats. I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and AFAIK most of my Facebook friends (who aren't people I speak to regularly), are still blissfully ignorant and will remain so until after the baby arrives.

YANBU your family should have the courtesy to respect your wishes. Simple as. Get your own back by not telling any of the people who broke your trust when the baby is born

YANBU. But had you told the others that it was to be kept under wraps? Though posting on FB is pretty thoughtless. Lilyberry is obviously a very considerate FB user and I commend you!

YANBU people are very rude.

I told a few people as we had a few problems to start with and so I had lots of tests. I told my boss so she knew why I wasn't at work when I had the appointments, and she let slip so a handful of people knew at work including senior team members (I was 5.5 weeks!). I was livid and hurt by the betrayal - I had only told my parents and pils, not even my brother. At 6.5 weeks we found out the "problems" I was having was infact all linked to fact I'm having twins. We had the scan and saw very strong heart beats etc so I decided to tell everyone. I wanted it to be me telling people even if it was earlier than planned.

We told work colleagues, close friends and family, but to their credit everyone kept it off fb except one cousin whose message I deleted quickly. At 13 weeks we put scan pics on fb to let rest of our friends know and share pics with family who are across the world.

tbh I'm showing so I think people would have guest before now. I'm glad I took back control but I never planned to announce a pg so early. Still cross that the main blabbermouth (my bosses friend) hasn't apologised despite telling the principal). Boss was hugely apologetic so I'm over that one.