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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to ask my dad to stop being such an arsehole?

4 replies

maighdlin · 17/03/2011 00:14

I was at my mums today and we were talking about my dad. the woman is one step away from either leaving him or killing him and i don't blame her.

my mum and dad had a terrible time of it 2 years ago. my dad had lots of debt, lost his business, they had to move house, it was a difficult time but my mum stood by him. she had considered separation but i was preg with her first grandchild and it kept her going. my dad is working and getting a good wage, but he gives my retired mum half the rent for their house, puts £20 a week on the electric and thats it. god knows what he does with the rest of the money, he uses his bus pass to get everywhere. he still acts like he is 17 when he is 63.

he normally goes out on a saturday night to the pub. this is not a big deal and my mum would pick him up at 1:15am and drive him home, unless she has one of the grandkids in which case he would usually stay at my aunts house, which is only a few minutes walk from the bar. last sat my mum had no GCs and said to him in the afternoon she would pick him up that night. so that night at quarter to twelve she texted him to say she was leaving. she waited on him until 2:00am at the usual spot and he never showed up. no text nothing. my mum and dad live approx 13 miles from the bar he goes to. she was furious. he came home the next day and she went through him like a dose of salts. she calmed down and things went back to relatively normal. then yesterday she found out that he didn't stay at his sisters house. where the fuck was he??

as if that wasn't bad enough, its the Cheltenham racing this week. he has always taken the entire week off work for this and watches it in the pub. he is big gambler i will say it. the debts two years ago weren't to do with his gambling btw, thats a whole other story. but basically this week he has left the house at 9.00am and doesn't come home until 9pm then asks where his dinner is.

I'm so annoyed with him and the way he is treating my mum. he barely gives her any money to help out with the house, moans he has no money yet magically pulls money out of his arse to spend the week watching horses. he treats my mum like a skivy with no feelings. he fucking lucky that she is still with him and shows her fuck all respect. i want to tell him how i feel but he gets all defensive if you dare criticise him, but i feel like shouting at him and frankly don't give a shite if he falls out with me.

sorry about the long thread but i'm just so sick of his selfish behaviour.

OP posts:
BigBabyBoots · 17/03/2011 02:13

My mum and dad are in a similar situation. I tried talking to dad but he went on the defensive. He just couldn't see that he was doing anything wrong. With my mum in tears on a daily basis, how could he be doing anything right??

She and I have both told him countless times what needs to change and nothing happens, then when my mum said she was leaving he was in shock and said "Well why didn't she say anything?" ! He was very upset but he just doesn't get it and never will, and she'll never get the courage to actually leave.

Sigh. I don't know the answer, but for me I just want to take mum away from it all and make her happy. I'd have her come live with me if I could.

If you do decide to talk to him be prepared for a very high blood pressure day!

ZillionChocolate · 17/03/2011 06:30

Isn't it down to your mum to address the problems in her relationship herself? I don't think you should get involved. How do you think challenging your dad would go down? Is a big feud going to help your mum?

Bubbaluv · 17/03/2011 06:41

Does she not have access to the bank account?

PeterAndreForPM · 17/03/2011 07:20

as annoying as it is, your mother is the one that has put up wih this treatment for all her married life

it's up to her to call time on it

clue : she probably won't

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