To wonder if DD's eating habits are caused by my inability to breastfeed properly when she was a baby?

[muminthecity]

I may be being completely ridiculous and am happy to be told so!

I breastfed DD for the first 10 weeks of her life. I was 21 when I had her and completely clueless about breastfeeding, and anything to do with having a baby really. She used to feed every 1-2 hours for a maximum of 5-10 minutes at a time, sometimes much less. To me, this was normal. She never slept for more than an hour at a time throughout the night and was constantly crying. Again, I assumed this was normal, as noone ever told me any different. When DD was 10 weeks old I took her to the health visitor to be weighed. The HV told me that she had lost too much weight, was far too skinny and was not being fed enough. She asked me about how often DD fed and how long for and was shocked when I told her. She told me to take her home and give her formula immediately. I went home and gave her a bottle which she drank happliy and I cried and cried and convinced myself that I was a failure as a mother. I FF from then on and DD was much happier and slept much better.

Looking back now, I realise that I was silly and naive and just did as I was old. I think I should have been given more advice and help with breastfeeding, but it was never offered and I just didn't think to ask for it. I regret that massively.

DD is now 5 years old, and ever since she was weaned has loved her food. She will eat anything and everything, would probably eat non-stop all day long if I let her. I did have concerns about her being overweight when she was a toddler, but she is now well within the healthy weight range for her height and age and eats a healthy diet. However, she does constantly ask for food, and has done since she was old enough to talk. She's always happy when there is food in front of her, and clears her plate at every meal. I can't help wondering if this is partly due to the fact that she was under nourished as a baby. Maybe she subconsciously remembers being constantly hungry for the first 10 weeks of her life?

I was looking at some baby pictures today, and I can't believe it took so long for me to realise something was wrong. She looks so skinny and bony in the photos. I'm sure others must have noticed

So, AIBU?

I think it highly unlikely that she will remember the first 10 weeks of her life. I do think however that you need to let go of the guilt that you appear to be feeling

I think your child just loves her food. I don't think it is anything to do with when she was ten weeks old at all.

Dont beat yourself up over it, you feed her well and she loves it! Simple.

Nope. She was just born that way.

YABU (in the nicest possible way)

oh bless, I know how you feel. I could have written that. Breastfeeding my first was a nightmare and she was soooo skinny until I changed to formula at 9wk. I feel awful still for the struggling person I was then and for her. I didnt realise she wasnt properly latching on and only sipping foremilk, hence hungry and skinny.
But hey, now she's a strapping, tall 6yr old wearing size 9-10 clothes and bursting with health!

My second baby, born 15months after the first, breastfed fantastically well starting literally minutes after her birth. What a different story! I didn't do anything different, its just that this baby did it all by herself.
It just goes to show that its DIFFERENT EVERY TIME and NOT YOUR FAULT.
That's the way it goes.

Thank you for your answers, I'm glad you think I'm wrong. Just to clarify,I wasn't suggesting that she consciously remembers that period of her life, more that the feeling may have stayed with her subconsciously and affected her when she was first introduced to food. I'm not explaining myself very well, but I'm happy to know that I'm probably talking rubbish anyway

What wankfrippery said ( in the nicest possible way!!)

My DS is nearly 13 months old and eats anything and everything put in front of him, and gets happy and excited when given food. I'm also still BFing him, so no, I don't think that's got anything to do with it. I think your DD just loves food.

YABU! I'm so sorry you had so little support and struggled with BFing. It makes me angry that some mums get no help. I was one of those mums with my first child, and had PND triggered by guilt of having 'failed'.

Sorry waffling there but basically having had another baby who is still BFing at 18m, all the links between BFing and eating habits are tenuous at best! So much is innate personality, just sheer dumb luck, and all sorts of other uncontrollable factors. You wait til you see some smug mum telling you how their DC is a brilliant eater and it's aaaaall thanks to their brilliant parenting. You will struggle not to do this face - it's all bollocks. Your DD is who she is, please stop beating yourself up over this. I went through the guilt all over again when DS was born and was BFing well - why didn't I do that for my DD, I thought - but then I realised I had to basically get the hell over it :)

My DS was like your DD. Feeding habits very similar. I BF'd for 5 months then tried to mix feed but my milk supply dried up really quickly. His weight was on 2% centile and Dr threatened to hospitalise him if he hadn't put on more weight within two weeks. gave us a supplement to put in his formula.

DS is the pickiest eater and has no interest in food whatsoever. He is the only child I know who will eat half a biscuit or half a packet of crisps so no I don't think your early experiences had anything to do with it. He is now an extremely healthy 10 year old (never had a days sick from school) although is considered still underweight.

You are worrying over nothing. I was apparently horrendous to feed, and was put on formula by 2 weeks. By 5 I was eating anything put in front of me, and never had weight problems as a child.

Be happy that you have a healthy child who isnt picky about food. :)

You had bad advice and little support and did the best you could in the circumstances you had so you must not feel bad! It is a shame you were not given better support and that you suffered with so little help. As long as you are feeding your Dd good food - most of the time- you are doing good! X

I bf dd for along time and your dd and she appear to have identical eating habits. On my lower days I attribute her eating to everything under the sun, including did I bf too long!! They just like their food.

Thanks everyone, you've made me feel so much better. I guess it is largely pot luck, and I am of course grateful that DD is a good eater now. I do wish I'd had more support with breastfeeding, or at least the courage/self belief to go out and find that support, but I really need to get over it now, I can't change the past. I am truly grateful for all your comments.

Both my DSs eat an enormous amount!

It's so easy to feel bad about those early weeks/months. My oldest is 25 and there are things about her birth etc that I could still die over if I let myself - you've got to get over it. When dd went onto solids she couldn't believe her luck - in the end I dispensed with a bib because it never got dirty, all the food went down her happy gob. That's the way she was, my other kids a completely different story, none of it anything to do with me tbh.

It is a great shame that you were left to your own devices at the beginning - how on earth would you have known that something was wrong if you weren't given expert advice? You were probably also totally exhausted as your baby wasn't sleeping, so don't beat yourself up - imo you were let down. I agree with the others to be thankful that she is a good eater.

YABVVVVVU as you've been told. My dd is a real thinster, I couldn't BF despite three days of trying while she sucked desperately and got thinner and thinner. I tried expressing and got one drop out of my right breast and none from the left. She ended up on formula and I was told I was a failure.
She is the most picky eater I've ever met. That's just her though. She's healthy and nearly 10.

Doesn't sound like you had an inability to breastfeed to me, sounds like you did for 10 weeks, which is great! Those first 10 wks will have done wonders for her, and are an achievement because the newborn weeks are the toughest when it comes to bf.

So stop beating yourself up!

My first child was very hungry from the beginning and drank loads of ff. He grew into a child and now adult whoi is the right weight, but adores his foiod.

Other two are totally different although all ff. Middle one has never seemed that bothered about food and had to be encouraged to eat as a child.

What we do as parents is important. But I think we sometimes forget that children are born with their own personalioties as well. It sounds very much that your child was born with a love for food. It really isn't about anything you have or haven't done.

I ff my son from day 1. He is now 4 and I can't fill him up! He mithers for food and says 'i'm hungry' every 2 mins...think some children are just hungry children - nothing to do with how they were fed as babies!

10wks is amazing to breastfeed (i couldnt manage 1 day!!)

Give yourself a pat on the back, a hug and try and forget about it (easier said than done I know!)

My first DS was a skinny bony baby and fed constantly, he wasn't under-nourished he just looked it. He's seven now and still shaped like a pencil, he eats more than I do and is constantly asking for fruit or a sandwich or whatever as well as meals.

Lots of kids are just like that. His brother, on the other hand, who was a chubby well fed BF baby who became scrawny and FTT (failure to thrive) after weaning due to underlying health problems is now a chunky 4 year old who eats like a sparrow. No3 is somewhere in between.

And they were all BF for over a year, they just are who they are.