to ask for a witty retort to interfering busybody?

[cocoachannel]

In a cafe this morning with my tiny DD (17 days old) and a friend. DD finished feeding and for some reason got very upset. I checked her nappy was okay, she was burped, I offered her my breast again but she wouldn't settle. So far she has been a very calm baby so I must admit I was at a bit of a loss. Just as I was about to admit defeat and get her home a woman came over and told me my baby was clearly distressed and obviously hungry and that I shouldn't have her in the bright lights of the cafe.

I wish I'd thought of something to say to her. As it was I managed to wait until she'd left (giving me a look that implied I should be reported for being an unfit mother) and burst into tears...

Was she right to interfere if she thought my baby was in distress, and am I just being an oversensitive first time Mum? AIBU to wonder what I could have retorted with?

"Fuck off you nosy bitch"
"I'm sorry, did you say something?" keep repeating till she gets the point.
Depending on age of nosy parker- "I'll leave her in the linen drawer/shut her in her room on her own/leave her with my 6 year old next time"
"Parlez-vous francais?"

I just look blankly at people till they back off.

That's a good one cradlecap.

Why does it have to be witty? Can't you just said 'Yes, thank you, I am dealing with it. Please leave me alone.'

"yes it's a shame really, she's obviously missing her mum" Whilst saying it flop your breast out in an obvious manner and latch your baby on.

Love this one! Hahahaha

Because, let's be honest, most people would never have the balls to actually use any of the other retorts here...

No, you're right Sue, but they are cheering me up no end! Thanks all.

I like Cradlecaps.

Horrid woman. Goodness knows what her qualifications are. I'd have thought anyone who had actually had a newborn to care for would know that the only things you should say to their mothers are 'Oh gosh she is gorgeous!' and if awake 'She is very alert isn't she' and if asleep 'She seems very content'. And you say nothing at all if the baby is crying and a parent is dealing with it because It Will Not Help.

"do you want to give me your phone number? That way, when I need the ridiculous advice of a complete stranger, I'll know how to get a hold of you"

Or you could do what I did when something similar happened to me, which was scream at her tell her to fuck off and then burst into tears. But that wasn't particularly dignified.

I did once ask a woman who accosted me in a supermarket about DS crying whether she was an expert in other people's children. She retreated sharpish. I don't blame you for being upset-rude interventions like this are not about helping you, they are aggressive put-downs.

SueWhite I have actually used my retort before (easier to bring up other peoples children) as it does not sound at all aggressive, infact, on the 2 occasions I have used it, I could tell the person thought it was a complement .....at first

I think it's great cradlecap