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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my dh to become a freemason?

67 replies

Piggyleroux · 16/03/2011 13:09

He has his 'interview' on Saturday. I have a bad feeling about it.

I don't want him to join an cult organisation he knows nothing about.

He has precious little time with me and ds as it is without taking on more.

He is a 'yes' man and finds it hard to say no to people, I am afraid he will be taken advantage of.

I am also afraid it will cost us money. After all, there's no such thing as a free lunch right? Can you leave if you don't like it?

Can someone come and tell me something bad about it to put him off.

OP posts:

beesimo · 16/03/2011 17:49

Ladies like any other group you join you have to suck it and see. If it turns out to be toxic I am sure DH will not want to stay with it and will soon lose interest in going. It will depend on the decency of the men attending. Ladies are not allowed to be Masons proper we don't get to know their highly secret mens business lol but they are Ladies Nights where the little ladies are treated very nicely but you are expect to be very much your DHs Silent Partner. Some aspects can be really enjoyable because frankly I really like a chance to dress up in my flash, some can really wearing as in listening to some old duffer saying rude things about benefit payments ect. Masonary is in a bit of a timewarp but thinking about it its all very David Cameron and The Big Society and if you work hard and play hard and are charitable you do alright. The worst group I ever joined was a Methodist flower arranging club it was full of sweet old ladies who turned out to be a nest of vipers!

valiumredhead · 16/03/2011 17:57

What financial aspect are you worried about? Dh goes to a meeting every 6 weeks or so and it's about £20. It's £100 to 'become a member' so not a big outlay. If it was there's no way dh would be up for it

Joking aside, it is GREAT for networking, seriously.

PigValentine · 16/03/2011 18:31

People are hysterical about the freemasons. My grandad and nearly all my great uncles are freemasons. It's not sinister, you get to go to nice social events (Christmas dinners for all the family are fab) and the meeting halls are fascinating places.

Melly19MummyToBe · 16/03/2011 18:46

I live opposite a Freemason lodge and they are always meeting there, about 2-3 maybe 4 times a week, they all turn up in top of the range Mercs, BMWs, Lexus' etc wearing posh suits and smoking cigars, and whenever I walk past or drive past they all stare really haughtily and unfriendly looking.

You may wonder how/why I notice this much, I don't sit at my window with binoculers (I know thats spelt wrong, can't think, pregnant brain!) and stare, it's just that I see them meet so often I just notice things I never saw the last time!

valiumredhead · 16/03/2011 18:48

I really fancy dh when he gets dressed up to go off to a meeting! Phwooooar!

SauvignonBlanche · 16/03/2011 18:48

YANBU it's bloody ridiculous.

olderandwider · 16/03/2011 18:50

Freemasons. Meh. Harmless imo. My dad was a mason for years and if he ever gained any career or financial advantage from it he kept it damn quiet.

otoh it seems a strangely old-fashioned thing to want to join, but maybe I am out of touch and Masons are Having A Moment.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/03/2011 18:51

It is just harmless nonsense. Three things that annoyed me... 1. Time away from the family, 2. You have to believe in a monotheistic God, 3. They don't let women join. It is not sinister apart from that!

beesimo · 16/03/2011 18:52

Nowt wrong with having a Lexus!

Gleeb · 16/03/2011 18:55

Surely having less time with his lovely wife and DS should be the bad thing that puts him off!

thomasbodley · 16/03/2011 18:56

DH is a mason. He treats it as another professional networking/client dinner thing - you're better in than out.

He's been to about three events in the last year so you don't have to be more involved than you want to be. He doesn't talk about it but I know him well enough to know he'd put someone straight if they were sexist/racist/ethically dodgy.

I did ask him to show me the funny handshake and he just said, "I don't laugh at your hobbies, don't go laughing at mine."

valiumredhead · 16/03/2011 18:57

My friend's dad was orphaned and he was brought up in a mason boarding school. He went on to be very successful.

They have nice family days out too :)

valiumredhead · 16/03/2011 18:59

Oh and as a family we have directly benefitted from dh being a member and you are definitely' better in than out' as thomasbodley says.

You can google the handshakes you know

Melly19MummyToBe · 16/03/2011 19:00

No lol I know theres nothing wrong with having a Lexus, but seriously, the carpark of the Lodge looks like a very expensive showroom forecourt! Every single car there is top of the range, and sometimes theres so many of them they park all up my sisters street which is one of those tiny streets where you all have your own spot (not officially designated) because theres literally nowhere else to park.

Melly19MummyToBe · 16/03/2011 19:02

They have funny handshakes? Cool

yousankmybattleship · 16/03/2011 19:03

My husband was a Mason for a while. There's nothing sinister - my husband got fed up with it quite soon - it was just a bunch of old blokes having a msall sherry and doing a bit of charity work as far as I could work out. I really wouldn't worry.

hpsaucy · 16/03/2011 19:12

I know a few masons (or the funny handshake lot as Ilike to call them) They can be a bit clicky but I think its just an excuse to meet in the pub and drink. I have been to a couple of dinner dances with them and they were great nights and they raised loads of money.

valiumredhead · 16/03/2011 19:15

It depends which lodge you go to - some are dull as ditch water and others are great.

Melly19MummyToBe · 16/03/2011 19:24

Maybe you could post this in Dadsnet, see if theres any guys who have had experience of the Freemasons, it's all very well being given advice off the wives etc of masons, but as they haven't had all the first hand experience they won't know as much as any men there!

Melly19MummyToBe · 16/03/2011 19:25

By the way I'm not saying none of you know anything, I'm just saying it might be worth seeing if there are any guys who know exactly what goes on!

ShowyTech · 16/03/2011 19:30

Arf at this thread.

They're harmless. And actually depending on where you are, can do an awful lot of good for local charities, individuals in need and community projects. They have a fascinating history too.

It's partly religion, partly socialising and partly belonging to something.

And they're not populated solely by egotistical and corrupt networkers. I've never met such a lovely group of people, nor a group so giving to the local community.

The funny handshakes turned out to be really dull though.

MrIC · 16/03/2011 19:33

YANBU - why would your H want to be the member of an organisation that wont admit people on the grounds that they are women? Ask him if he'd join an organisation that didn't admit Black people or Jews - he'd probably balk at the idea. So why would it be OK for him to join the anti-women masons?

It he wants to join a club that let's him network and do charity work then point him in the direction of MSF or the Rotary Club.

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 16/03/2011 19:33

teh only problem i would have is that you clearly feel liek you aren't spending enough tiem togetehr yet he feels it more important to involve himself in thsi which will take him even more out of the home. have you told him how you feel?

harbingerofdoom · 16/03/2011 19:42

hear,hear for the police badgerswife.
Riddled :(

beesimo · 16/03/2011 19:54

MR ic Masons are empatically NOT anti women it is a bit like say Catholics that don't want women priests are anti women doh! sorry just realise you probably think that anyway!! Deep waters religion and politics and who does the washing up! Seriously I would be a little bit more open minded it isn't really fair to critise what you don't understand

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