to wonder why, of all the different events you might host in your life...

[TrillianAstra]

... weddings seem to invite people to comment/judge/tell you that you are doing it wrong.

If you were organising a play or a concert or a dinner or a band/disco for people to dance to, or even all of these together, would people feel as much entitlement to say that you were not doing it properly?

I agree. There are so many variables (numbers of guests, religous/non religous, invite or not invite relatives you never see etc) that not everyone will agree on how it is done so best to just do what you want.

People who try to dictate are rude. End of.

That includes parents, unless they are contributing they should back off.

Oh god yes, if one more person tells me i HAVE to have a wedding cake i might have to headbut them. When asked Why i must?, they can never answer!

six of one and half a dozen of the other. Some people are nightmare brides/wedding organisers, some people are nightmare guests.

I think you'll find the underlying explanation is that they are all twats.

But why do people feel such ownership over a wedding?

I suppose if I were getting married in the village in which I had lived all my life, to a boy who had also lived there all his life, and we intended to remain living there, and all our family and friends also lived there because no-one ever went anywhere else, then a wedding might be a community event.

But I don't live in the 1700s.

My BIL and his other half are getting married this year, after many years of being engaged. They dont have a huge amount of money and my (future) SIL has been on the phone to me asking my opinion about this and that.

I told her it was their special day and to do whatever THEY wanted to do. They cannot afford to fund a meal for everyone after the church service as well as a buffet in the evening and she wanted to know if people would be annoyed. I said that family and close friends would be fine about it, everyone knows their situation and if we all eat in the hotel together and pay for our own meals/drinks that would be fine. Just said to put a note in with the invitation.

Too many people have too many opinions. I cant wait for them to get married because I know it will be a family occasion, with all the children and it will be special for them as they have waited so long to get married.

I think because they generally involve some outlay from the guests. A christening/40th birthday party etc pretty much involve you turning up with a card and pressie. Weddings involve special outfits, hotel stays, decent present, hen nights. I went to two cousins' weddings last year and I would say that each one cost me over £1000 to attend.

That's my theory anyway... :)

It's just perception. Weddings generally take a long time to organise, decide over, talk to people a lot about. So in stands to reason you are going to get a lot more feedback/opinions/comments/twattery purely because of this.

also what Gwendolyne said.

So if we spent months and months planning and talking about a birthday party, people would weigh in with equal force of conviction? Maybe.

I didn't have any of this. We just did what we wanted and it was perfect! Really small but exactly what we wanted (and BTW we didn't have a wedding cake - just a lovely dessert and chocolates in home-made parcels)

The only face my mum did was when I told her I was allowing my DSDs to choose their own bridesmaid clothes - she was amazed I was unconcerned about them matching. I just wanted them to be comfy - one is a tomboy and wore black trousers and waistcoat with a fitted shirt, she looked just as gorgeous as her sister :)

And horror of horrors - my dress was BLUE! :o

They probably would Trillian, especially if your birthday party cost your guests significantly.

This thread - you are not doing it properly

Trillian are you getting married [I miss everything through stupid RL getting in the way sulk]