DH wearing earplugs when DD teething

[touser]

Ok, I consider myself to be a fairly flexible and open person, willing to generally see both sides of a situation, but I'm absolutely raging with my DH at the moment over an incident last night....

DD is teething. DH thinks it's okay to just put earplugs in and roll over and go back to sleep. I'm raging because this leaves me feeling very much alone and unsupported during the difficult nights.

His argument is that he has to get up early to exercise and then go to work. [This also gets up my goat as I return to work in April and will still be doing the night shift at home!]

AIBU?

Sorry, I do think YABU. I do remember how difficult it was when DD was teething, but you aren't at work now. April doesn't start for another couple of weeks.
In an ideal world you would share the nights, but life is seldom ideal. Realistically what sort of support could he give you through the difficult nights?
Suck it up.

I dont see why 2 people have to be awake when it can just be one. Whether its you or him who is up is irrelevant for that point - if one person is up, the other should be a sleep. Then there is more scope for support say, the next night, if its bad again, because that person had a half decent sleep the night before and can step in.

Why will you be doing the night shift when you return to work? Who agreed that?

Well you're going to need to share it when you do go back to work - why the hell should you do it all!

YABU at the moment however you will not be unreasonable once you go back to work

yadnbu

but only you can sort it out. if i were you, i would say that from now on, you will only do every other night to allow him to get used to having to get up in turn when you go back to work in a few weeks time

I can understand why you feel abandoned.

When dd was tiny I told DH that if he woke up please offer to help, that way I didn't feel alone. The majority of the time I would decline but it made me feel we were in it together.

well i understand his point - what use is there 2 people being sleep deprived all night when 1 person can get some kip

however i only have that attitude because when i was at home, i did all the night stuff (fair enough, DH has to drive and worked long hours at the time). but when i went back he took up half the responsibility. of course!!

so i think YABU for now. in april, YANBU - and i think that's really going to be a problem long term, if you're left to deal with that side of things whilst also working outside the home/commuting. that would be a huge issue for me.

I would be annoyed but I would know I was BU! I can see his point about being up for work.

However, when you go back to work you definetely shouldnt be the only one getting up in the night. When was that decided and by whom? That would be the issue that would be pissing me off and I would want sorting ASAP.

Could you use the earplugs as a starting point for the discussion? "dont use those as you wont be able to when I am back at work" or "Could you get me some for when it is your turn to get up in the night when I go back to work?" and see what he says.

yes Bogeyface says, how was the plan for April onwards decided?

did he just assume you'd continue to do it and you've never corrected him? or was it more explicit than that?

YANBU

Thanks everyone, it's really great to get perspective on this one. Sometimes it's easy to just see from my point of view.

Re the April thing, it's pretty much just been assumed that I'll do the nights and I've never corrected that assumption. Think we might start having some open discussions about my return to work and put in place some workable solutions.