To not have intervened more?

[Lollypolly]

I don't think iabu but I can't stop thinking about this.

I was in a sweetshop this morning doing my usual trying to shop while stopping DD2 licking the pick and mix and there was a woman screaming at her DD who must have been about 9. The child was screaming back. I imagine she was being told off for something and was giving as good as she got. They were speaking Mandarin and I didn't catch too much - apart from the fact that I don't understand much either.

They went to the till, still screaming, mother had DD by the upper arm and was dragging her. I was about 5 or 6 behind them at the till so a good 4 or 5 minutes behind them. When I got to the car park, child was sobbing and mum was still screaming. People were starting to stare so they went to a stairwell where the screaming and sobbing continued.

The mum was obviously way out of control. I put my DD in the car and strapped her in. I wandered up to the stairwell and tbh I was starting to well up for this girl. No matter what she had done, she didn't deserve so much relentless screaming inches from her face.

I saw their maid (it's the norm here to have one, expcet for me!) outside the stairwell and asked if I could help. She looked terrified and said "no". I then asked if she wanted me to call the police - cue an even more terrified look and another "no"- it's not the done thing here to interfere in other people's business, it's almost a cardinal sin, but I felt I needed someone to realise how wrong I thought this was.

I decided that I should go back to DD (left her for 20 seconds about 20m away strapped in the car) and decided to leave it at that. I was going to call the car park intercom on the way out and ask them to keep an eye out but driving round the car park on my way out I saw mum and her DD and maid getting in the car.

I don't think I should have done anything differently, but when is it right to intervene? I don't think the girl was hit at all but the screaming was pretty bad abuse in itself - it was the mum's total lack of control that scared me for the daughter.

YANBU - I can't see what else you could have done.

yanbu I think you need to let yourself off the hook here you did what you could you followed the MAM and DD and saw the child was not being beaten. I know screaming at the bairn is wrong but it is how some cultures are also when people are shouting in foriegn lang it always feels worse as your brain cannot process it.

You probably know this if you live in the Far East, but Mandarin is quite a harsh-sounding language. I used to sit next to a Chinese girl at work who would regularly have what sounded like blazing rows with her mum on the phone. It always turned out that they were in fact discussing things like what to have for dinner and whether they would have time to go to the estate agent at the weekend. So while the poor girl was obviously getting a bollocking, it might not have been quite as bad for her as it looked to you.

Thanks all - agree that Mandarin can sound harsh, also that parenting here is much stricter than in the west and answering back / not obeying is simply not acceptable under any circumstances.

Sure it's all blown over now - thanks again

Are you in the East e.g. china?

like another poster said parents are much more, you will obey! then over here

I hope that doesnt offenc anyone just what I have noticed, tbh its not always a bad thing. but screaming in a childs face is OTT

Yes, I'm in Singapore. I've lived here on and off for over 5 years, worked here and currently run a parenting group, have lots of local friends so it's not all new to me, but I still found the intensity of that particular situation hard to take.