To have had enough of a colleague?

[A1980]

I feel a bit mean posting this but I'm fed up to back teeth of one of my colleagues.

She's a junior member of staff but by junior I mean job wise not age wise. We haven't had her with us all that long, just a few months.

She's incredibly outspoken about her life and problems and I didn't mind to begin with but now I'm finding it very wearing and I want to avoid conversations with her.

You can't start an ordinary conversation with her, it always swings round to one of her problems. Money being the biggest. We're not friends, we work in the same company and we haven't know each other that long. So I find it a little inappropraite to always know how much cash is in her wallet and that's all she's got left until payday and to hear her meticulously count out her expenditure and the knock on effect spending £1 over budget has on life. I'm not joking, she mentions it several times a day, every day.

One of the other staff members actually lost her rag and said something along the lines of I don't want to hear another word about money. To be honest, I was about to too.

She's also overly sensitive and takes offence to things several times a day. She's rubbed alot of people up the wrong way and this nothing to do with the rants about money.

I sympathise with anyone who has money probelms (don't we all!) but I don't feel that work is the appropriate place to constantly talk about it. I feel it's inappropriate, unprofessional and it's making people uncomfortable.

Am I being unreasonable?

No. There's nothing worse than people who recount their daily worries and crapola at you...makes you feel like some kind of Agony Whore. Getting their needs sprayed at you daily....except without payment.

Tell her nicely and in a cheerful voice

"Oh not money again! It's time you learned to let all your worries go when you're at work....now I'll devise a way to help you...every time you start on about this, I'll sing a chorus of a random and money related song to you and drown you out!"

Followed by a tinkling laugh and a chorus of "Money, Money Money"

LOL!

I prob won't be that blatant but i feel like saying something along the lines of "we all have problems you know".

But I know that won't work either as she's blantantly told some of us we don't get it, it's not as bad for us and we're better off than her.....! She knows this HOW? We don't talk about our fiances and problems as she does.

does she have anyone at home to talk to?

I sympathise. I work with two women whom I refer to as the "food police" as they have to pass comment on every item of food that passes into my mouth. You know the kind - permanently on a diet, counting "sins" , making up food allergies that change weekly... its so bloody wearing and boring.

Several.... I hear all about them too. She has a lovely family by the sound of it.

ooh, i have that singingsands,

you are a vegetarian, every bloody day,
NO I AM not

anyone op, i think you should pre-empt her remarks. ask her

how much money have you got in your purse for eg.

DH's grandparents are the devon & cornwall branch of the food police. They're a specialist unit who routinely tell you about what the people sitting at the table next to them were eating. Some stories date back several years and repeat offenders are kept under surveilance.

It's become that predictable that I daren't mention of some foods as it will inevitably trigger another lengthy and tedious recollection of some lucky bugger poor sod's exceptionally large slice of cake in the Garden Centre Cafe two years ago.

oh I used to have this too with a colleague.

In her case though it was her every personal ailment, plus the fact that she was having an affair and wanting to tell everything about it!!!
It was so embarrassing and at first I had no idea how to handle it as she would sidle up, stand by my desk and go on for ages and I felt I had no escape...

I started off by picking up the phone whenever I saw her coming my way and having conversations with people in order to avoid her!

Then in the end I decided to be proactive about it, but by email, partly to spare my blushes and partly hers by saying "it makes me feel uncomfortable to hear you sharing such personal information with me, which I dont think is appropriate for the workplace, and would appreciate it if you dont involve me in such conversations in future. If you feel you need professional advice I suggest you contact xxx (our company Employee Assistance Service providers)". That put everything back on a professional footing. And you have evidence of you trying to prevent that kind of behaviour continuing, but helping her at the same time.

I know it's difficult though - some people have no idea of boundaries. Good luck!!

Sounds like she's just chattering on without giving any thought to the impact on others.

I once asked a bloke in the office (in a very concerned tone indeed)

'Jamie, are you managing to get any work done this morning?'

'Yes' he replied, looking puzzled at the question. Having got his attention, I then carried on by saying

'It's just that the rest of us are having difficulty in getting on with ours, because you're chattering quite a lot'

It wasn't nastily meant, it was an act of desperation - but, do you know, it WORKED!

And the rest of the office audibly sighed with relief when I said it! I felt a proper hero, and 'Jamie' wasn't too hurt. He did curtail his moans and groans afterwards. I think he was just bored by his work, tbh.

Is there someone who she reports directly to? Is there a personnel manager, or HR person (a sensitive / thoughtful one...)?

She needs someone to talk to her calmly and professionally about what is and is not appropriate in the workplace and that she has to curb her chit chat as its wasting hers and everyone else's time.

She's either an idiot or just young and needs guidance. Its not the college canteen, but maybe she just hasn't twigged yet.

I don't think shouting at her or bitching about her will help - she'll get upset and ultimately it sounds a bit bullying.

I hope you can get it sorted through the proper channels. Sounds utterly maddening.

well she is making some good points about how crap low wages are and sharing them - which I do think is a good thing - we have been conditioned for too long not to share these kind of gripes and that is why organisations have been able to get away with paying low wages - by making everyone think that everyone else is managing better and its your fault not the company's that you can't survive on what they are paying.

That said, economy chats are only useful if they include tips - so ask her how she manages.

there is a hidden message she is trying to communicate - perhaps once this is heard rather than blocked, she will let up?

She is having a hard time with money which is crippliing her so much it is destroying her personal relationships - so have some sympathy...

I have a combined food police and ailment Tsarina. The ailments are caused by exercise, followed by virtuous daily protein shake drinking. And a bag of crisps.