to think that its not THAT hard to return a phone call, no matter how busy you are!

[OracleInaCoracle]

especially if the person you are supposed to call is doing you a favour?

my SIL doesnt cook. at all. never has and doesnt enjoy it. my neice and nephew both really, really like baking. they come round to my house every now and then and we make a batch of cakes and/or biscuits. I make the dc's birthday cakes etc.

neice (4) asked if she could come and do some cooking with me this week. she wants to make some fairy cakes and jam tarts. neice rang me up to ask and i got a text from sil on friday to confirm the day. I said, that was fine, but I would come to theirs because we are having new doors. fine was the reply. I text her asking if she had the ingredients, got back a "no" I said "I will call you in a bit to arrange"

so I called and left a message.
no call back.
called on saturday.
no callback
called again yesterday.
no call back.

today was her day off, and i know she had a playdate planned but ffs, one phone call. I am going shopping tomorrow and can pick up the ingredients, but dont want to without speaking to her.

maybe I am being a tad unreasonable, but how hard is it to dial a 6 digit number?

You are very patient! I wouldn't have called back after the first message. Let her get her own things in - you really are pandering to her and she is behaving badly.

When you finally DO speak to her tell her you were trying to get in contact to cancel.

YANBU at all!

This gets my goat too, the lack of reply phonecall or text or even too busy to come to the door when I have kindly popped round with a present.

so just leave it.

text and say "Will wait to hear from you before going any further with the baking. You let me know when you've got the ingredients and I'll arrange a day to come over. xx"

perhaps she really doesn't want to do this (maybe she doesn't like the idea of the mess?) but feels you arranged it with her 4 yr old and backed her into a corner? is that possible?

the thing is, I could have been calling to cancel. Ive been in a lot of pain with my condition and baking is a bad idea, inflames my ribs. i know im pandering to her, but DN is so excited. she has asked me if we can make pink icing and use sparkles.

im so cross.

oh, sorry. neice asked her mum and her mum dialed for her to let her talk to you? sorry. wrong end of stick

maybe she's changed her mind. maybe her daughter pestered and now she's regretting it. or perhaps she's just really disorganised.

hecate, no, i dont think so. i told neice "maybe next week, if we can arrange it" SIL text me to say "free on weds"

if she doesnt want to, i dont mind.

Don't think it's that uncommon in this day and age, I do most of my 'arranging' by text tbh. Rarely answer my landline and never check the messages on it. People know if text is best way to get hold of me so I can respond at my own convenience. I appreciate you're doing her a favour though, but I would've just text her the list of ingredients and asked her to get them in (then she would've had list in text and not had to write it down etc.). Some people (me) avoid ringing up to make arrangements because they get dragged into a 20-30minute conversation , god that sounds awful now I've written it down, I do converse with people! I just think if it's a quick arrangement then most people would use a text?

ah, tis possible that she was pestered into it. DN really loves coming to my house to cook and loves my cooking so its possible that she was bullied into it.

I agree with Millie tbh - I hate it when I think I've arranged something by text and someone calls me to "confirm" even though I think we have confirmed by text, then I get sucked into a long conversation about nothing, esp if the thing I am confirming means I will be seeing them in a few days. I also resent the guilt trip I get from people (mainly retired parents and pil) because I rarely answer the phone.

I know it sounds unreasonable and I am not anti social, but I work full time and my downtime is precious to me as it's when I get to see my kids and my DH. I would prefer to meet regularly, face to face, with wider family and friends than spend so much time on the phone organising the get togethers that I then feel guilty for having them and not spending time with my kids at all! If that makes ANY sense?

If you were texting, why not just text and say "ok, shall I get the stuff and you give me the £ Wed or do you want to get it?" and go from there

Also, I rarely use my landline so it can be days before I even realise there is a message left on there - could that be it?

It sounds like she would have liked her dd to come to ours to make cakes but does not want the mess at hers. I don't think she wants to buy the ingredients either. Just text her to say you are waiting for her to confirm a day that you can come to hers. It will probably never happen.

She couldn't be arsed when she realised it would involve her buying ingredients...rude.

I'm the opposite of those that use texts for everything, rarely check to see if there is text there, particularly if I'm not expecting one.

and particularly hate confirming things by text, never know if they have actually got them - having been caught out myself on the wrong end of things and missing them because never got the text invite. just don't trust them, and they take forever to type.

but having said that it can be difficult to get to the phone sometimes if the dc are messing around and don't settle down to sleep, suddenly it is gone 9.30 and too late to call people unless you know they are ok about getting late phone calls. and then the same thing happens the next day. and the next one. and the next one and suddenly it is a week later and although you meant to ring straight back it can take longer than you intend.

if you are doing her a favour then i would expect her to ring, though it is possible not to have got the message. text if this works for her. give her deadline, (build in little leeway just for your neices sake) that she needs to reply by.