To expect the nursery to be able

[manfromCUK]

to prevent my child being bitten by one of the other kids? It's always the same child, and it's been going on for months (6+). They are all toddlers 2/3.

We have had several conversations with staff but they say they don't have any real sanction. I'd prefer not to have to go looking for another nursery but they aren't being very helpful.

Upon reading first line I'd say YABU until u said its being going on for 6+ months!

YANBU, if the nursery are well aware of it and its a continual problem then surely they should be more vigilant and prevent it from happening?

Having a DD who went thro a biting phase, only her brother thank god, I know its very hard to do anything effective about it other than vigilant and try to prevent, but perhaps they dont have the man power for that and with the best nursery in the world they cant stop it?

My DS still bites (asd- 4 years old) I bought the book 'teeth are not for biting) for his nursery when he was there. Now he has 1:1 in school it's easier handled, much harder in a nursery if the child has no SN and no 1:1

OK - what do I tell DD then? She's pretty upset about it. We tell her to stay away from the other child, but often, as with today, she's bitten from behind by the other kid so there's not much she can do. I don't think it's on that my kid should have to endure this.

How odd .. So the nursery do nothing when the child bites?
My eldest son was bitten by a serial biter when at nursery. The nursery would always have a form for me to sign and a firm for the biter's parents to sign so we were all aware of the situation. They tried out various tactics with this child liasing with his mother. They even brought in a behavioural specialist when their ideas didn't work. He did improve eventually.

This kid is now in reception and a lovely popular boy....

I would be telling the nursery they need to be dealing with this. Ask if they have discussed it with the parents. Have a look at other nurseries but I think I would push for them to sort this if your kid is otherwise happy.

It's hard to not be fuming though... I got very fed up too.

No it's not on. Maybe give her something to say to the other child, maybe putting her hand up and saying 'no I don't like that!'

It's hard because you obviously don't want to make her stay away from another little child (at 2/3 it's not really their fault)

Sorry :(

Forgot to say my DS2 is now at nursery and he's a biter/push them if not getting his own way. The nursery and I have agreed strategies. And I always say to apologise to the parents because I know how frustrating it is.

Actually you could say what the parents used to say when my DS was biting...'why is he biting?'
that question might prompt them to think more about how to support the biter.

I used to ask that question in DS school and eventually they worked out his triggers and avoided them.

I work in a nursery, and we have lots of different strategies to stop biting, however as much as we try to prevent it, some bites still get through (sorry didn't word that well)

Apart from stopping it, what do you suggest the nursery do, often carers have to shadow children to prevent bites, but during parts of the day where change is happen, they have to stop shadowing for 10 minutes, often children choose these opportunities of 'freedom' to bite. Often theres isn't enough staff to shadow especially if they have more than biter.

6 months is excessive, but not un heard of.

Yanbu. My nephew bit another child in playgroup once & my sister was so horrified he was told firmly he wouldn't be allowed to go there ever again if he did it again & he never has. Obviously all kids respond differently but it sounds like the nursery could be trying harder in this case. I would def talk gently to the parents if you haven't already (without judgement, no child is an angel!).

YANBU. I've had a biter too. I would expect that if the nursery know a certain child is a biter they would watch them more closely.

Thanks all - I can't talk to the parents as the Nursery won't officially tell us who the child is - they (the parents) do know though because we do sign the forms every time.

We also know who the child is as DD can tell us her name, but as we've never "caught" the parents dropping her off or collecting her we don't know who to approach even though we maybe do know them by sight. I am not sure what talking to them would do - they have been signing forms for 6 months+, two forms yesterday, they don't seem too worried.

If ti was my kid doing the biting I'd expect Nursery to tell me it wasn't fair to the other kids and it had to stop otherwise she'd be out, but it seems the rights of the perpetrator trump the victim even in nursery.

Hanaka88 - thanks for that - we've told her to keep away and tell the other child "no" and get a staff member. Unfortunately when the attack is from behind as yesterday she doesn't even know it's coming.