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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not know how to answer...

22 replies

butterpieify · 14/03/2011 15:15

4yo DD1 : "will you be sad when I die?"
"why is that man on the ground with his blanket?" (a homeless man)

And how on earth do you explain the sitation in Japan?

OP posts:

Grevling · 14/03/2011 16:06

a) Yes
b) Becuase life isn't always easy

valiumredhead · 14/03/2011 16:09

Yes

Because some people sadly don't have houses.

I wouldn't explain the sitaution in Japan to a 4 year old tbh but when ds was 4 we never watched the news when he was around.

valiumredhead · 14/03/2011 16:11

And to be perfectly frank you are going to need to get a lot quicker off the mark with answering questions as the questions from 4 up get a LOT trickier

lazarusb · 14/03/2011 16:18

When we talk about things like this I always remind my dcs how lucky we are. We may not have lots of spare cash, but we have a nice house, food in the fridge etc. As far as international disasters go I think you have to balance information very carefully, depending on what they can cope with. Remember the news can be very graphic too.

Original poster

butterpieify · 14/03/2011 16:37

She happened to wander in when I was staring openmouthed at the news channel.

I settled for "There was an earthquake, which is when the ground shakes. This one was so bad that some peoples houses fell down and there was a flood too so some houses got really wet. We are very lucky to live in a country where there isn't earthquakes, aren't we? Maybe we should send some pennies to help the boys and girls in Japan build new houses."

She seemed ok with that, but I was panicing inside!

With the death one, I said that people usually only die when they are very very old, and she will only be that old in about a hundred years, so we don't need to worry about that yet. Sadly she lost an uncle to cancer about 18 months ago and I think she is just processing it now.

Homeless man, I just said that he doesn't have a house, and she replied with "maybe he doesn't have a mummy or daddy or baby sister to look after him", which I suppose is fair enough.

OP posts:

Original poster

butterpieify · 14/03/2011 16:41

It's endless though, isn't it. I have a policy of not lying or banning a subject, but she seems to choose the most inappropiate times to ask. Public toilets are her favourite places to ask about biology, for example, whether it is "why do you have fur in your knickers?" to "how did my poo get so yellow?" GAH.

OP posts:

Sugarkane · 14/03/2011 16:57

I explained the Japan situation very much like butterpieify to my DD, her reply its ok mummy because Handy Manny will go and fix their house. I just answer as honest as I can without too much details.

valiumredhead · 14/03/2011 17:27

I find the phrase 'We'll talk about it later' said through clenched teeth works well in situations like that butter

TallulahBetty · 14/03/2011 18:04

PMSL @ Butterpieify

melpomene · 14/03/2011 19:41

When my dd(5) asked about dying I explained that it's likely that I will die before her, but that I'm planning on living a long time and most likely when I finally die she'll be all grown up and maybe have children of her own.

One of the concepts which I'm most dreading having to explain is rape. I'm hoping it doesn't come up for a few years yet.

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 14/03/2011 19:47

I think that the best thing to do is to be honest. Say it in basic terms that small kids can understand, but dont feed them a load of crap. Having been the carer of 4/6/8yolds who lost their mother, the best thing to do is put it as simply and truthfully as possible.

Jaydles · 14/03/2011 19:49

I just tell the truth I would hate for them to think I had lied although he is now 6 and can probably deal with things better than when he was 4. We had a kitten die recently so have had the whole death conversation, I suppose it depends on your beliefs but I told him that his cat is waiting for him and that when people get very poorly or very old then their bodies get too tired and can't be fixed that's when they go to Heaven. He was happy with that...for now!
Haha my DD also asked why I have fur in public toilets and then proceeded to tell me when she is a mum she will have fur too

magichen · 14/03/2011 20:06

butter my dd 3.7 came home from grannys the other day and asked where did all the rubbish come from? I didnt know what had happened as I was at work all day, she was getting very frustrated but all became clear when I switched the tv on. She cannot help herself asking 100s of questions about it. I explained things much the same as you did, but she does seem quite disturbed by it. As soon as I put tv on saturday morning she didnt want a cartoon on but the news so she could see all the rubbish! We have already done the dying question too! I'm dreading all the questions to come in the future!

imnobody · 14/03/2011 20:23

With the earthquake one I have explained it to my 4 year old but she already knows what earthquakes are as we get them here. She asked about the tsunami which i too explained...

You just have to give them the truth with the simple words...

My tough one at the moment is about the dogs bottom bleaeding.. (the dog is in heat)

budgieshell · 14/03/2011 20:35

I told myself I would be open and honest with dds and on the whole I am. I find it sometimes leads to more questions, if its to indepth they loose interest. My problem is Father christmas and the tooth fairy.

spiderlight · 14/03/2011 20:35

imnobody, I synpathise with you there - I'm currently facing a daily barrage of questions about why we can't let our dog off the lead at the moment (neighbours' dog on heat).

I've been fairly honest with my nearly 4yo about the Japan situation. He's asked about earthquakes before, so he has a reasonable idea what's happened (and also that it has happened a very very long way away and we don't get earthquakes here). I've shielded him from the worst of the news coverage, but at the same time I want him to have some knowledge of it so it's a real and human thing to him when he inevitably comes to study it at school.

smokingnuns · 14/03/2011 20:42

ds (6), waking me up in the v early morning, face right up to mine: "mummy! mummy! - which is the heaviest metal?"

I wouldn't be able to answer that now and he's 21 (why did my kids go the science route - couldn't we have had a bit of Thomas Hardy?)

YOu just tell them straight - I would be heartbroken sweetheart and don't expect you to die before me, but I will be very very old when I die and it'll be sad but you'll be a grown up.

It's not fair that some people don't have homes is it? I feel sad about it.

I would've told my kids about a disaster at that age eg the ground shook and it made a big wave - we don't get those things in england but those poor people in Japan, it must be hard for them.

hairylights · 14/03/2011 20:47

yes
I'm not sure. Perhaps he diesnt have a home .

hairylights · 14/03/2011 20:48

smoking the answer is ACDC of course!

mumbar · 14/03/2011 20:52

Yes tell the truth.

DS asked about the Japan disaster and I explained 'earthquake, tsumnami, people killed etc'. (mindyou he was more concerned about the trains, cars and boats he is obsessed with them!)

Dying - again be honest. My nan died when DS was 4 and he cried when I told him - and I didn't think he'd really understand.

My Dsis is PG (early stages so DS doesn't know). I am expecting the whole 'how did it get there' when he's told.

smokingnuns · 14/03/2011 20:55

duh of course hairy! sorted!

SeeJaneKick · 14/03/2011 20:56

When mine began to talk about death I just told them that there is no end...that some people believe we go on to be something or someone new....or that we go to heaven which is a very nice place with lot's of people we love in there.

Seemed to work. We had a big dead rat in the garden one morning....DDs loved it next day a squirrel scamperd past on our fence and DD said "Oh look! The rat came back as a squirrel! It must be him because they're about the same size."

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