To give up on close friends?

[parsnipcake]

Over the past 10 years I have had several close female friends who I think I have been very good to and gained a lot from. But it's dawned on me of late that it just isn't the case anymore - one has divorced and now only calls for me to give her opinions on her new men, one seems to have become very sensitive and yet also bitchy, going on about people I really have no interest in and another has moved far enough away to make it really difficult to connect with.

I know as we hit our 40s our lives can all change and part of me thinks I should just let these friendships end (in a not losing sleep over not making a regualar coffee date rather than a flouncing off). I have lots going on myself -a new baby, a very ill parent who needs lots of care, a workaholic husband, and teenage children who are actually quite good company. When I feel like it I go to classes/clubs and have lots of people I can chat too, and also lots of longstanding work colleagues I know well enough to call on for a chat or coffee. On paper I can't think of any reason to keep worrying over the state of my female friendships, but in reality I wonder if I would regret the loss of them in time. Is it really OK to enjoy your own company and keep friendships more superficial? If I am entirely honest, I am pretty shy and prone to self doubt, which tells me I should work hard to overcome this, but at the same time, I'm a lot happier pottering about the house with my family than doing the whole social scene. Any opinions welcome :)

I'm very much like you..maybe we should become friends:)

But seriuosly, it' sounds like you feel a bit let down by your friendships, like things are not how they used to be. Friends come in and out of our lives that's just the way things are. As long as you have contact with people, and it sounds like you do, then I wouldn't worry about it and just keep on with your life. At the end of the day, it's family that matters

I had a situation recently that isn't dissimilar to this - dawned on me that one good friend and her dh pisses on our feelings while believing everything in their life is one big drama which deserves a lot of discussion.

We've mentally downgraded them to pals rather than friends, without any fallout or anything. Coffee and texts here and there are fine, but we'll never "rely" on them again, and we're keeping our distance a little for now.
yanbu, but no need to "do" anything - just know in your mind who is important to you and vice versa

YANBU....I have given up on a few close female friends lately as the connections seems to have gone. My mum was ill and sadly died last summer and to be honest, the support they gave me was pants....actually they didnt give me any support.

I agree with carwash - people drift in and out of our lives at different times and as long as we do have contact with other people it doesnt really matter about the other stuff really xx

You've got a lot going on, your friends have probably got a lot going on, and all that can make regular contact difficult. Some people you grow apart from (whatever your age) after a period of time. It helps for day to day friendship if people are geographically close. There are lots of factors in friendship.

Some of my oldest friends I very rarely see - we live on the other side of the world. And then we see each other and it's like we've never been apart. I have friends here that I see even less :) that I still consider friends, and friends who try to schedule meet ups constantly that I could do without especially as they feel put out when I don't have time (as I work FT and spend most Sundays with family all my 'friends' stuff pretty much has to fit into a Saturday and must involve DD - there's only so much one can do).