Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother and toddler etiquette?

20 replies

ginmakesitallok · 14/03/2011 14:10

Took DD2 (17 months) to M&T this morning - my first time. Went pretty well. DD wandered into the "baby room" and I followed her. A wee baby was in on her own - sitting quite happily. Then she started to cry. I left her for a while - expecting her Mum had just popped out. After a couple of minutes I picked her up - she was happy. I put her down again and she started to cry again and put her arms up to be lifted. As I went to lift her her Mum came back in - threw me a filthy look and picked her up. Now- was IBU to pick her up? Should I have left her to cry? Am I being ridiculous? Not judging her Mum at all - baby was safe and Mum was only away for a short time with her other child

OP posts:
Justalittleblackraincloud · 14/03/2011 14:15

I wouldn't have picked up someone elses child without asking first, unless I knew the mum. In the same way that I'd feel fairly uneasy if I'd have found someone I didn't know holding DD.

That said, I have offered to pick babies up when their mum is quite clearly up to their eyes in it and struggling (i.e New mums trying to sort out bottles, or mums with other LO's to manage)

I would have just knelt down and played with her for a minute or two...?

bringonthegoat · 14/03/2011 14:16

YANBU to pick her up - baby wanted a cuddle. God knows why she gave you a filthy? Are you the child catcher Hmm

atthecarwash · 14/03/2011 14:19

I wouldn't have picked her up. If I knew the mother, then yes, but otherwise no.

thepoweroflunch · 14/03/2011 14:20

In this situation I would have sat there and shaken a toy at her or something so that when the Mum came in it didn't look like I was totally ignoring her.

Hate when people used to do this at toddler groups tbh - not this exact scenario but people plonking their baby next to me then disappearing for ten minutes without a "would you mind keeping an eye on her please?" You feel so wrongfooted whatever you do!

controlpantsandgladrags · 14/03/2011 14:21

If the mother definitely wasn't in the room then I would have picked her up........I couldn't stand by and watch a distressed baby cry I'm afraid. I guess you could maybe have gone back out of the baby room and asked someone who she belonged to?

ilooklikegrotbagstoday · 14/03/2011 14:25

I was told off for picking up a 9 month old that was crying hysterically with snot running down his face. He was apparently learning to self soothe Hmm
I'd still pick up another child being ignored by it's mother in the same situation

supadupapupascupa · 14/03/2011 14:28

I would have picked up, but (stupidly) would apologise profusely when the mum came back in saying i didn't know what to do she/he was crying.

That way you acknowledge that the mum might not like it, but at the same time don't leave an unhappy child on the floor.

Elizadoesdolittle · 14/03/2011 14:29

I would have knelt down and played with her rather than picking her up. However...if somebody had picked up my DD in this situation I certainly wouldn't have reacted in this way. I would have been grateful that somebody was trying to help, so YANBU. In fact my DD at these play groups holds her arms up to anyone asking to be picked up. I reguarly have to rescue her from random people and I'm the one that apologises!

tyaca · 14/03/2011 14:32

maybe mum having a bad day. feel guilty baby had been crying while she dealing with older child and worried that a stranger judging her for leaving baby? sometimes it's easy to misinterpret a look.

i would have picked up baby probably

AmazingBouncingFerret · 14/03/2011 14:34

Omg Ive just inadvertently linked to the daily mail. Oh the shame...

I meant this

bringonthegoat · 14/03/2011 14:42

Ha ha - caught ya amazing

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 14/03/2011 14:45

thanks for the replies - Amazing - I only look like that on a good day...

Why is it that we think picking up another woman's baby is wrong? Sad

OP posts:
MyMamaToldMe · 14/03/2011 14:52

I think it is wrong that she left the baby! I don't think you did anything wrong and I think she should be blimming grateful that someone as nice as you was there!

Bloodymary · 14/03/2011 14:52

Have to say that I would have picked the baby up as well. Its what Mothers do!!

Deliainthemaking · 14/03/2011 15:01

I feel for you torn in a situation like that

I'd be thinking should I/Shouldn't I?

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 14/03/2011 15:52

I did feel awkward - and Sad that I hesitated to comfort a crying baby

OP posts:
Firawla · 14/03/2011 16:06

I think the other mum was more unreasonable, i wouldn't have a problem if someone else picked up my child in that situation - you were only trying to help

Dontbugmemalone · 14/03/2011 16:11

YANBU.
You were following your gut instinct.
I'm sure that is what most women would have done.

I had a similar experience in a soft play area.

I was near a slide (on the second level) to help my DS go down the slide. There was a girl (3-4 yrs) who was crying hysterically because she thought she was stuck and wanted her mum. I was talking to her to calm her down and eventually her mum came to find her. I told her she was crying etc and she didn't say a word just gave me a very dirty look.

If that was my DS, I would have asked what happened, thank you etc. It shows how different some people are.

NinkyNonker · 14/03/2011 17:04

I'd have been grateful, I hate dd crying and would rather someone comforted her. I can understand others' unease though.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page