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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking this health therapist is being inappropriate

26 replies

moonstonezoe · 14/03/2011 12:56

I have had appointments with him for some months. He has told me about his wife and children.We get along very well in a friendly way. Today he confessed he has had a affair which his wife does not know about and he wondered if I would like to meet him for a drink one evening.He knows I am married too. Am I over reacting? I dont want to report him or anything like that.I wont be making anymore appointments with him though.

OP posts:
notnowbernard · 14/03/2011 12:57

Highly unprofessional and massively inappropriate

What is his exact job title?

Chil1234 · 14/03/2011 12:58

YAN overreacting. LOL! What an oily creep. Sounds like totally inappropriate behaviour, taking advantage of the patient, practicioner relationship and you should report him to someone more senior.

MaryDancesTheTango · 14/03/2011 12:59

Avoid him like the plague as he sounds both unprofessional and well out of order.

Are there other female therapists in your area?

poopnscoop · 14/03/2011 12:59

Highly inappropriate behaviour. Report him!

reinitindear · 14/03/2011 12:59

You are not over reacting he has overstepped the boundaries of your professional relationship.I actually think you should be reporting him as he could encounter someone far more vulnerable than you and mis use his position.

Iklboo · 14/03/2011 12:59

Totally overstepping the boundaries. What kind of 'health therapist' is he?

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/03/2011 13:47

"I don't want to report him or anything like that."

Why not? You are responding to his advances (yes, that's what they are) by deciding not to go back to him. But what if he's trying the same line with other, more vulnerable clients? Perhaps you should report him to his governing body to protect them.

apples82 · 14/03/2011 13:53

REPORT REPORT REPORT

Original poster
moonstonezoe · 14/03/2011 14:05

I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he sees me as a sympathetic listener and he just wanted to talk more about his problems.
When he introduced the subject of his affair I was taken aback and I did feel uncomfortable. I did not encourage further disclosures from him and at the end of the treatment, when he asked me to meet for a drink I was very surprised.
I cant help wondering if by being friendly, as I would with a woman, I may have misled him in some way.
BTW it was a private not NHS treatment and nothing intimate!

OP posts:
BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 14/03/2011 14:25

Report him! Not appropriate at all. Doesn't matter whether or not it was NHS or intimite or whatever...

bringonthegoat · 14/03/2011 14:25

You did NOTHING wrong bu being friendly - women often blame themselves when men are slime balls!

REPORT this loser user - he could take advantage of someone too vunerable to say no. YUCK - my skin is crawling!!

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/03/2011 15:08

He's a creep - he mentioned his affair to "sound you out" for your reaction - looks like you passed his test, he thinks you're ready for an affair too! Please report him before he damages someone.

LaurieFairyCake · 14/03/2011 15:11

Depends what type of 'health therapist' - a lot are completely unregulated. If he is a member of a professional body then you could consider reporting him.

Either way do you really want him touching you again?

Sassybeast · 14/03/2011 15:15

He is abusing his position and other people may be at risk. You MUST report him :-(

HipHopopotomus · 14/03/2011 15:21

FFS - you are PAYING him as some kind of professional THERAPIST and you think this kind of behaviour on his part may be acceptable !?!?!?!? just sit down and take a rethink about what you have told us.

olderandwider · 14/03/2011 16:21

Wow! Such unprofessional behaviour, I don't know where to start.

He is in a position of trust and it is wholly inappropriate for Him to be using You to explore his problems - and ask for a date. I would cancel all future appointments and report him to his professional (cough) organisation.

Katey1010 · 14/03/2011 16:29

I cant help wondering if by being friendly, as I would with a woman, I may have misled him in some way. Repeat after me, "no, no, no". He is the professional and had you walked in in fishnets and stilettos and propositioned him, he should still not act this way.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 14/03/2011 16:32

WTF is a 'health therapist'?

Report him to his 'professional' 'body'

waterrat · 14/03/2011 16:34

You really should report him. As part of his training, he will know very well that you are not there to be a listener to him.

There are good reasons why professionals in these positions are not allowed to proposition clients - and part of that is because in one to one sessions like these, people are vulnerable. You need to protect other women who will see him - he is actually lucky , you will be doing him a favour if he didn't mean anything by it, as he will get a slapped wrist and will know better to do it again.

However - I'm afraid you have to assume he was trying it on, because to tell you those things is so incredibly unprofessional he knew what he was doing.

I can't believe you are blaming your friendliness, in a situation like that he has to be professional.

Imagine if the next person he tries it on with is a 17/ 18 year old girl with anxiety issues who thinks she 'ought' to help him/ meet him etc

zukiecat · 14/03/2011 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissVerinder · 14/03/2011 19:21

Oh dear, that is absolutely not on. I'm presuming it's a counsellor? In which case you need to report him to the BACP. As a health professional/therapist, it is unethical for him to discuss his personal matters with you, or anyone else he is meant to be treating. I'm glad you're not making any mre appointments and hope you can find another to work with that won't take the piss.

twoistwiceasfun · 15/03/2011 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

unfitmother · 15/03/2011 19:22

If he is a health professional, you should report him.
If he's a quack then it's more difficult.

TheVisitor · 15/03/2011 19:23

Report, report, report, report.

atthecarwash · 15/03/2011 20:03

yikes! Report him