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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

State school teachers sending their own children to private schools

269 replies

abitwobbly · 13/03/2011 21:12

AIBU to think we are not immoral or anti state and that we have just chosen the right school for our child??

OP posts:
Ormirian · 14/03/2011 16:14

"they are incredibly grateful that we still have free grammar schools here, because the alternatives really don't bear thinking about"

Yes of course! Because the rest of our children are doomed to unemploymnnt, drug addiction and no future. Doesn't bear thinking about so obviously those of who use state secondary schools just haven't thought about it.

KangarooCaught · 14/03/2011 16:18

Would be v happy for my dcs to go to my school and over my dead body would they go to dh's (both state schools btw). They are in the catchment of neither, and that is common I would think for most teaching staff.

Have no problem with mine going private but locally there a better state options. You go private here if state has gone wrong for your child, as evidenced by the tiny private reception classes and the much larger classes as they go further up the school.

I teach in state, was educated in a mixture of private and state and have no axe to grind over anybodies choices. Why should I?

exoticfruits · 14/03/2011 16:29

I can only think it is jealousy. My DCs go to state schools-I am very happy with my choice. Within their school most teacher's DCs are at other schools in the state system, some are at the same school as the parent and some are in the private sector.
I can't honestly see that it matters. I can see scenarios where I might have one DC private and one state, you suit your DC and your purse.
If I were a teacher I can see that I may have a desire to teach in a school in a deprived area to try and make a difference but it doesn't mean that I would send my DC there.
Next people will be saying that a doctor working in NHS can't have private health care for their DC.

People are doing a job-they have the same freedom as everyone else in their life choices.
Imagine someone wanting to be a teacher and being told 'we don't care what type of school suits your DC they must have a state school'.

I think that people should get out of the mindset that
private=good
state=bad

Both have schools from excellent to poor.

If a teacher chooses to spend their money on education they should be able to.Maybe they are only working to pay school fees in the first place!

LeQueen · 14/03/2011 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CouldNeverHave3 · 14/03/2011 17:43

Would it not be more of a worry for the parent of the child who is not bright but lives in a county with free grammars?

LeQueen · 14/03/2011 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

happiestblonde · 14/03/2011 17:56

lequeen - no, it means the 'condems' bought an internship for the 11 year old

exoticfruits · 14/03/2011 17:59

Of course if a teacher works in a comprehensive she mustn't let her DC sit the 11+ Grin

myredcardigan · 14/03/2011 18:03

Sorry, had the plumber here!

Re advantage, I guess I was making an assumption there. That's fair enough. And yes, it is a genuine question and one I'm very interested in. This is mainly because most of my working life I've taught in areas of socio-economic disadvantage and I genuinely feel that many of these kids are so disadvantaged from the start. They really seem a world away from the parents I know locally who use the state sector.

I guess if I was to look at it as a scale from 1-10 with 10 being the most advantaged then I consider that by paying for school I 'may' be slightly edging my kids from 7 to 8 whereas the children I teach are stuck at 2.
I hope that makes sense. What I'm trying to say is that I'm fortunate enough that my kids may have been a 7 (which is a fairly happy, priviledged upbringing) but are not jumping from a 2 to an 8.

I know you won't believe me simply because I pay for school but it's an injustice I feel quite passionate about, hence my question.

Goblinchild · 14/03/2011 18:06

I did send my children to State schools, when my eldest was in reception, we made the decision to move to a much wealthier area.
Full of lovely, articulate parents and out of school activities.
Our choice of secondaries was likewise fab.
Unlike the area I left, and the school and children I abandoned having put my children's needs first.

JoanofArgos · 14/03/2011 18:08

Yes, but that's the thing, isn't it - it is much easier as the parent of a 7 to bump up to an 8 than it is for a 2 to become an 8. Or a 7.

Sorry for getting carried away with the code, but you know what I mean, I hope.

myredcardigan · 14/03/2011 18:29

Yes, it is absolutely.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't see that I'm giving my kids much of an advantage over their local peers at all and realistically, the children on a '2' are not their peers as they don't live in the same area.

I genuinely believe that private education is not the biggest factor in determining advantage. I don't even think it comes close to rivaling home environment.

JoanofArgos · 14/03/2011 18:33

Yes, my bugbear is the divisiveness of it, the separation of children by - basically - wealth or intelligence or both. And I know the state system isn't perfect, and catchment areas sometimes do almost the same thing.... but I still think whether you went to private or not is more of a divide.

FWIW, I personally would favour a lottery system over catchment.

itsalarf · 14/03/2011 18:35

One teacher controls lessons in their subject, but can do nothing about others, so may well have issues with sending their dc to a certain state school. Personally, my main gripe with the state system, is that the schools are often so large. I think it is impersonal. One teacher cannot change that though.

myredcardigan · 14/03/2011 18:41

I think we'll just have to agree to disagree on which is the bigger factor. Through 3 kids and way too many years teaching, I genuinely think home life is the crucial factor. And catchments areas probably do the same far more than you'd think.

I don't advocate a lottery system though as I think being able to walk to school is very important to lots of parents. Plus, it would seriously devalue my house! Wink

Ormirian · 14/03/2011 19:04

No not neccesarily LeQ.

We have no grammars here. Which means the pupils that would have been going to the grammars are divided between the comps in the area. It does mean that you have a starker choice between private and comp but it also means that there will always be at least one school that is seen as the 'good' school but without selection. Less pressure on the kids and parents.

Original poster
abitwobbly · 14/03/2011 19:40

Sorry! When I left this thread last night it was 3 pages. Logged in this evening and it's 10!

Ok, I am also an AST. I teach in an outstanding school, which I LOVE, really love. However I live 30mins away and the schools are much less good.

DC is at an independant nursery at a prep school, 2 mins from work. DC adores it and it works really well for me work wise.

Now I could move. Pay £40,000 to move or spend that money on 5 years of prep school education. It seems mad to move when DC is so happy, the school day offers so much more and is longer which is fab for me working.
I'm sorry, I love my job but I love my DC so much more and I know that smaller class sizes for DC will make a massive difference. It will be tight to find the fees but I still think its better than moving.

Sadly I am a tiny cog is a giant wheel and can't change the size of state class sizes or the fact that some schools are a great deal better than other schools.

Sad situation really :(

OP posts:
diabolo · 14/03/2011 19:52

I'm an admin assistant in a state school and my DS is at a Prep. I'm not very popular with some of the staff there because of this. They think I have delusions of grandeur.

My DS wouldn't attend the school I work as we are in a different catchment area.

2 F/T teachers do it but they don't talk about it AT ALL - it really would not go down well.

CouldNeverHave3 · 14/03/2011 19:55

Toally agree Orm - surely having grammars just create the so called sink schools in a county by creaming off the top set kids? At least without grammars, all 'top set' kids are in the comps as normal. So all 'similar comps' can be fairly judged against eacher other.

StealthPolarBear · 14/03/2011 20:17

I can see the logic for someone like a Headteacher - for a teacher I think it's unfair to penalise them for doing a hard job (which is what you are doing if you effectively stop them choosing to send their children private)

scaryteacher · 14/03/2011 21:08

I was the token Tory in a socialist staff room and frowned on for using private education (prep) for ds. Dh worked abroad, prep provided wrap around care from 0745 to 1900 and three square meals a day.

They changed their tune a bit when dh was sent to sea unexpectedly when he was supposed to look after ds for a week whilst I was due to be abroad on a school trip....ds boarded for a week at my expense so the trip could still go ahead.

There was no way that I could get childcare for the hours I did in the area I lived, and prep school was the only solution that worked for us.

Xenia · 14/03/2011 21:14

IN a free society you ought to be able to pay to send a child to a school of the type you prefer whether that be a very academic one or one where lessons are not compulsory like Summerhill or specialist music or cathedral school, fundamentalist Christian, Muslim and the like or even just pay to get all girls or all boys schooling or whatever. Plenty of parents in state and private in effect make a choice of a kind of education.I would not call is segregation as suggested above but I do think children who are bright tend to do b etter in selective schools and I also wanted my children in single sex schools.

myredcardigan · 14/03/2011 21:26

Wow! Very measured post from Xenia tonight! Smile

I do agree that one of the reasons that many people go private is to access the type of education they want which is not necessarily elitist or academically selective.

Many state teachers hate SATs with a passion. The idea of sending their child to a school which doesn't test can be very appealing.

Another teacher may have a child with some form of SN. The state sector can be very good (usually best) for children with SEN but sometimes it just cannot or will not provide what is needed. I'm thinking of some forms of ASD where the sensory environment is crucial and being in a class of 30 noisy children is physically painful and emotionally torture.

LeQueen · 14/03/2011 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ARealTrueWoman · 14/03/2011 21:50

My SIL is a state school teacher but she never wanted her children to go to state schools, so they went private. Her children now speak with stupid accents & only mix with rich kids.