To not want to go through all this for a voluntary job?

[JenMiley]

I work voluntarily in a hospice. It was originally just to gain experience to get into Uni. Anyway when I first started I had a car and a partner to watch the kids. Now I don't have either. The original shift was on a Sunday and I called the manager and said there was no way I could get in on a sunday anymore as I have no car or childcare so she squeezed me into a wednesday afternoon. I agreed but I've been thinking about it and it's going to be a hell of a lot of faffing. Basically I'll have to zoom straight there after college at 12pm on the wednesday lunch time. Then I finish at 5pm, the busses around there are awful and very few so Id need to get a bus back to the city centre (rush hour in big city, this will take at least 45 mins) and then a bus from the city centre to home (we're talking 6pm now - prime rush hour) this will took another hour. I'm not going to get home until 6.30-6.40pm which means the kids won't get their dinner until gone 7pm. it also means they're going to be on their own from 4pm until gone 6pm and the youngest is only 11.
It seems like a hell of a lot of faffing about for a voluntary job?! Or am I being lazy?? AIBU to call her back and say I can't do it even though I initially agreed to it?

I don't know. There are some things you just have to work out for yourself and I think this is one of them

I don't see how you can commit to this. Your circumstances have changed and you simply cannot manage to do this without affecting your family life to the point where you feel stressed and anxious. That's not 'faffing' - that's a real burden on you.

You could call the manager and explain that you need to talk it through with her again, and tell her just what you have told us. Ask her what she thinks you could do (including taking a break for a few weeks?).

I guess you must get a lot out of volunteering at the hospice or you wouldn't be trying to sort a shift out to replace the original Sunday one. If that's the case, let the manager know and ask her to help you find a solution. She ought to try to keep a conscientious volunteer on her books.

I will be one of many women reading your post who have had a relative die in a hospice, a lot more peacefully than they would otherwise have done. Thanks for what you've done up till now.

I agree that you need to speak to this woman and explain your situation.

It may be that she can offer something else that does suit, or maybe there's another role at the hospice that you can take on that involves times to suit you?

(I also volunteer for a charity and find that they are very accommodating as they value volunteers immensely)

When it comes to anything in life, but particularly something that involves a feeling of moral obligation, you must create and stick to some personal boundaries. If you don't, you risk burning out and resenting what you do and you don't do it well. I do a lot of voluntary work, and have had to learn that if I want to be a good, effective, helpful volunteer, I need to know what my boundaries are and stick to them. Saying 'no' when you need to means you'll be far more use for the things you are able to say 'yes' to.

Thanks Linerunner. The thing is, I don't really "do" much at the hospice other than make cups of tea and hang around looking a bit like a spare part. By the time I get there the patients have visitors who take care of them whilst they're here and anything they can't do, the nurses do. I suppose that's why I'm even more reluctant to go through all the hassle of getting there and home again when I know I'll just be stood around for four hours. But I want to get into uni so much I have my interview in two weeks, if I get in, I won't need to keep up the voluntary job anyway and if I don't get in I suppose I have a year to find something else before I apply again.
I just don't want to get to the interview and them say "so, how is the hospice work going?" and me have to say "oh ... err ...." iyswim??? it's going to look bad, it will make me look uncommited/unreliable but I really can't see how I can do it. I've just been looking at the bus timetables and the one bus that goes down that street is every 60 minutes and then that only takes me to town centre, I need to get ANOTHER bus after that!

Sorry, cross post with everyone else!

I mean, the sensible approach I suppose would be to keep it up until after the interview but I'm stuck as to how I'll even manage it for 2 weeks.

If your interview is in two weeks why not just go for the next two weeks? Yes it is complicated to get there and back but you want/need the experience and so that is the cost.

If after the interview you still feel a commitment to the hospice then work out when would suit you and ask if you could come in then.

If your youngest is 11 then I don't think being away from him for a couple of hours and doing dinner for 7pm is a big issue TBH.

Hi, I think if it's causing all this trouble you can't carry on doing it. Maybe you can do it up until your interview? Or just stop now? How long have you volunteered for? I imagine your interview panel will want to know what you have learned and experienced while you've been a volunteer, more than the fact you're doing it right now. What have you applied to study?
Lots of med applicants are desperate for vulntary experience and although a few months- a year is ideal, many get in with just a couple of weeks. I think you need to use what you've already done and think about all the different experiences you've had there to perform well at interview. Don't put yourself into this position for the sake of that, I'd apologise but say that at the moment you can't commit to that time.

vulntary voluntary

Is there anyone working/volunteering there who could give you a lift home? I'm sure that if you offered to contirbute towards petrol anyone living in your direction and finishing around the same time would be keen.

How about planning to do the 2 weeks, do the interview & then see where you are?

If those 2 weeks have been a lot of stress & still standing around not really doing much, then tell the hospice you can't carry on, for the practical reasons you've said.

You'll know you tried & it will have 'served its purpose' for the interview too.

2 late dinners should be fine.

You say the youngest is "only" 11.. how old is the eldest?

Shouldn't you have a volunteering job actually doing something if you are trying to impress interviewers? Or indeed to be any use to the organisation itself?

Maybe you could just keep doing it until you get your university offer so only a few weeks? If there's nobody to give you a lift, is there anyway you could scrape up the money for a taxi at least part of the way? - after all its only for 2-3 weeks hopefully.

Also, was having a think earlier.

Sundays, presumably, most family members can come in to care for their loved ones so you end up feeling like a spare part.

On Wed, lots of the visitors will be working so you might find you have more to do, therefore it's more fulfilling for you?

Well at least you are barefaced upfront and realistic about your cynicism. Stick with it until you are offered a place at uni and then ditch the Hospice. It's a well trodden path for those desperate to scrape together credentials

Jen, why don't you call the manager back and say you will need to leave at 4pm. It's a perfectly reasonable time to stop if you have children to care for.

I'm not entirely sure what the issue is here. Can't your children cook dinner one day a week? Or are you really asking if you should continue with the volunteering?

Because I think your children are old enough to cook a meal themselves. Failing that, slowcooker. But you don't sound very fulfilled with the work. You should talk to the person in charge and explain your reasons for being there and ask if there is a way for you to be more involved/useful. Usually volunteer coordintors LOVE it when they get someone interested who wants to learn from the experience. Also it's not unreasonable to want something out of it if you have to travel for that length of time to get there.

Did you go in today??