to think my mother has a mental block when it comes to caring for ds

[deliakate]

I think she knows in her heart she would like to look after ds sometimes, but when it comes to it, it seems like 15 mins or so is her limit and she wants to be off reading or emailling by herself. why are some grandmothers like this and others (eg mil) desperate to have any time with their gcs - with or without me there?

I of raised it with her, and she said I was lucky as her mother never wanted to see us at all/ help her out. Thing is, I have no nice memories of my maternal gm, I was about 9 when she died.

I don't want to deprive ds of seeing her, but it's almost a 10 hour round trip and its feels somehow more difficult visiting her than looking after ds alone at home... Aibu?

you cant force someone to care about your kids

maybe she finds kids boring company

this is true, its a heartbreaking realisation to find out that gps don't like your kids

Are you talking about her spending time and communicating with DS, or her looking after him on her own? Do you enjoy visiting her? Does DS?

It doesn't mean that she doesn't care, or doesn't like him, it just means that she probably doesn't know what to do with him after 15 minutes or so.

Does she start reading and emailing when she is looking after DS by herself or when you take him to visit?

She was a primary school teacher for 30 yrs so I hope she likes kids. Although may be bored with them by now! I'm talking about when we are all together - she has only looked after him alone once during the day for a few hours. but we live far apart and when either of us visits she cannot settle to be with us, has to be off doing her own thing very rapidly.

Slightly different here, my parents adore my DCs and offer to look after them, but they are sooo clueless. Mum is always on her friggin phone. I just don't expect too much anymore and stick to suggestions like taking them to the park instead!

Maybe it's a confidence issue? My Mum has 5DGCs and I think just worries about what to do with them, my father died 3 years ago too so she has re-established her social life and that is her priority right now.

My attitude is that children need loving parents, positive relationships elsewhere are a bonus but should not be expected. There are many people we can nurture loving relationships with :)

For example my very elderly neighbour dotes on my children :)

My mum loves and adores my children and is great with them when we are all together. But, actually, she prefers adult company and enjoys being with me and dh as much as the dgc on her visits.

I think sometimes we can tend to think "Oh great, Granny is here, perhaps I can have a breather from the kids for a while" when, actually, Granny would really like some adult company for a change.

My mum has never looked after my children by herself (they are 10 and 7). One evening she sat in with them so dh and I could go out. She has stayed at home with them while I've popped out to the shops for an hour or so, on one of her visits.

Stepmum and mil, otoh, are both about 15 years younger than my Mum, and also have husbands, and they have the kids to stay for days at a time during the holidays. I don't think my Mum loves them any less, though.

I do think "oh great, granny's here", but am always disappointed and feel resentful. Its not that she wants adult company either - when I've put DS to bed, she will get on the computer and start filling in questionnaires etc, leaving me alone to watch tv/read.