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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

B-day party update: inviting hissing child...

53 replies

TigerDad · 12/03/2011 10:24

Dear Mumsnet readers,

A few weeks ago my wife and I placed a question on Mumsnet to gage the opinions of the readers, to see if we should invite a 'hissing', mean, and ill-mannered little girl to our daughter's birthday party. We didn't want to invite the little girl, but the tradition at her school was as such that all the classmates are usually invited to bithday parties- a standard all or nothing rule. We questioned this, and so did the Mumsnetters.

The members gave us a tremendous responce, and we thank them. The overwhelming responce was to only invite a few friends, rather than the whole class, which us what we have done.

Now, I thought the readers/ posters, might like to know that this HAS been the best advice! The 'hissing' little girl has announced that she wouldn't go even if she was invited, and most of the rest of the classmates that have been invited have been very happy and excited about the party. Not all the children invited have been ill-mannered or jealous, just the child we were most concerned about. Now we know that following your advice regarding the happiness of our daughter, breaking tradition by having a smaller party, and remaining kind and polite to all the other classmates has been the best decision.
Thank you for your brilliant comments!
If you have any other birthday party advice, please do let us know.
Best wishes,
TigerDad

OP posts:
mamatomany · 12/03/2011 11:37

Tallulah - there are plenty of children in the world who are just plain horrible, it's sad but you can't change the world single handily and especially if her own parents don't have the inclination, you just do the best with your children.

pigletmania · 12/03/2011 11:38

I would have no hesitation of referring to a child as horrid if they were. Some are little s@?@~ts, like the school bullies. Oh yes KST you never forget, it did not help that I was a tomboy and was deemed a bit odd, also because I have Dyspraxia and had a funny walk, as I got older I learned to correct myself, I still have an akward gait.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 12/03/2011 11:44

Yeah I committed the unpardonable sin of wearing glasses and being bright.

Talullah - the fact he is venting here, to me says he has not vented off in front of his daughter. His wife has even tried friendly overtures to the girl in question only for her to be very rude back of her.

And no it is definitely not a sin to call some kids horrid and nasty. It is a crying shame that we have to do that but I think we all know it is the parents to blame for allowing their children to be that way.

shesparkles · 12/03/2011 11:53

I bet there are more than a couple of parents grateful to you for breaking the "whole class or no one" tradition!
Hope your dd has a fab party!

Glitterknickaz · 12/03/2011 12:21

My kids don't get invited to parties because they are considered anti social.

Shame it's an untreatable biological condition called Autism to blame, but hey nobody considers that it's not our fault so they get left out.

Ho hum.

Hope their 'nice' parties are nicer for it.

pigletmania · 12/03/2011 12:33

Glitter when talking about horrid kids I was referring to those without SN, who are just plain horrid.

pigletmania · 12/03/2011 12:34

like the school bullies I had at primary. I think that they were naturally nasty horrid invididuls.

cornsilk678 · 12/03/2011 12:37

I think that slagging off children on the internet (as the OP has done) is childish and cruel.
I remember the original OP. He thought it was perfectly acceptable to invite the whole class except this one child until many MNers pointed out that it would be an incredibly cruel thing to do.

AllDirections · 12/03/2011 13:05

The OPs priority is his own children. I can't believe that people would prioritise other (badly behaved) children over their own. I would never invite any child to my DCs parties if they are nasty to them. What a horrible thing to do to your own children!!

Cymar · 12/03/2011 14:05

Cornsilk The OP was NOT slagging off the girl, he was describing her behaviour.

Would you be willing to potentially ruin your DC's birthday party by inviting someone they hate?

AgentZigzag · 12/03/2011 14:08

'99% of them are unreasonable questions that a monkey could make a decision on'

Do you specifically come on MN to answer questions and help OPs make decisions then tallulah?

Do you ferret out the 1% of reasonable questions, or are you a monkey?

You are on what you consider an unreasonable thread, so I suppose that answers my question.

Glitterknickaz · 12/03/2011 14:15

Right, and how do we know the child in question is 'just horrid'?

We only have the OP's say so.

Yes I know unpleasant children exist but I prefer to exercise a little benefit of the doubt unless I know for a fact it's a personality trait rather than something deeper.

cornsilk678 · 12/03/2011 14:27

I wouldn't be posting threads about them with 'hissing child' in the title anyway.

pigletmania · 12/03/2011 14:27

Oh and I have no qualms about the little shit who weed on me at school either

pigletmania · 12/03/2011 14:28

egged on by his stupid mates.

pigletmania · 12/03/2011 14:29

I would'nt be posting that in the main title either cornsilk

thefirstMrsDeVere · 12/03/2011 14:37

You have to invite the whole class? Shock

Sod that.

Why the hell should anyone be told who they should and should not invite to their child's party.

I wonder how many people dont bother because they cant afford to accomadate 30 children plus the child real friends?

RedFlagHag · 12/03/2011 14:38

OP, you and your wife sound utterly bonkers.

MadameCastafiore · 12/03/2011 14:41

Blimey - I wouldn't have invited her - don't get this PC thing about having to invite kids you don't like. Not all kids are likeable and some are downright horrid if DD and DSs school is anything to go by.

Fecking hissing would have got right on my nerves.

bruffin · 12/03/2011 14:51

Why on earth does th OP sound bonkers?

The school had a tradition of inviting whole class.
In the whole class parties his dc had in the past the party had been spoiled by said child.
He came on here asking for advice.

The advice on the thread was to break with tradition and go for smaller party.

He has come back to update and confirm that he will go with smaller party and he got loads of stickHmm

AgentZigzag · 12/03/2011 15:06

You've managed to do a mental health assessment of the OP based on those few words redflaghag?

I'm impressed.

Not good enough an assessment for a specific diagnosis?

Or is the blanket category of bonkers the level of your education?

thefirstMrsDeVere · 12/03/2011 15:13

gliterz its is horrible when your kids are excluded because of SN. My DS was never invited to birthday parties at mainstream. Within a week of changing schools he went to his first birthday party smile Smile

What I can remember from the original thread though this child was horrible to the OP's child. In those circumstances I wouldnt invite her to a party.

I wouldnt exclude for other reasons (SN etc) but I dont see why I should invite a kid who makes mine miserable.

RedFlagHag · 12/03/2011 15:25

Oh FGS@ AgentZigZag.

I read the OP's previous thread. The whole things has been over thought and they do come across as bonkers.

I have a Masters degree, btw. And I diagnose you with 'disproportionately aggressive and slightly bonkers yourself' syndrome.

RedFlagHag · 12/03/2011 15:26

Even the update is bonkers.

AgentZigzag · 12/03/2011 15:39

Thank you for that free and accurate diagnosis of me as well.

It's almost like you know me.