'Age-appropriate' activities for 4-year-olds

[EmmalinaC]

DD1 is 4 and in reception. Since she started school we have encountered numerous activities which her friends and their parents consider to be acceptable for 4/5 year olds but which I have reservations about.

These include:
Make-up/Pamper parties - by which I mean full blown makeover parties with lipstick and hairstyling
Films like Grease - I wasn't allowed to watch it til I was 12!
Nintendo DS - she can't READ ffs - surely she should learn to do that first?

This has got me wondering - am I being unreasonable or, whisper it, pfb? Should I get over myself and let her join in? Or is it ok to say, er, NO?!

No. YANBU.

Yanbu, and don't be afraid to say no. I hate make up and pamper style parties for little ones. So unnecessary. And you're right, Grease is pointless for 4 year olds to watch - all about romance, references to sex etc. And I hate consoles of any kind for young kids.

I wouldn't be happy for my just 4yo to be doing that kind of stuff either.

Call me PFB, I don't care (I wouldn't let my DC2 do them either)

I don't like the idea of "pamper parties": I was quite laid back about DD messing around with make up (never make a fuss about something that washes off!), but I'm not keen about it as a main event.

"Grease" is a PG film, so you could make the case that it's OK. Again, I wouldn't be keen, as I think the theme is too grown up and there's too much swearing.

nintendo - I don't mind: there are games which you don't need to be able to read to play and enjoy. After first flush of ownership anspd incessant playing, I keep a close eye on how long it's played on, and remove when time's up.

I am a pretty lax parent and proud of it

But I wouldn't let 4 year olds have that kind of party. I'm not sure about Grease - probably would just let them listen to the songs really at that age. And no games consoles of any kind.

I made my dd wait til she was 8 even though she had been begging for one for 2 years.

Make up - no

Grease - no

DS - yes depending on the game and very time limited.

(PS: PFB had his first nintendo at 8 years old. Last-born was taking turns, if a big brother would let her, probably from reception).

The activities aren't too bad, I suppose you could twist them into being a bit old for them.

But some girls do like messing about with hair and make up, it's part of dressing up/pretending.

Grease is hardly letting them watch Saw films.

And she's growing up in a computer game world, so long as she's not hooked up to it 24 hours it's just another skill to learn.

It is OK to say no, it's your right as a parent, but are there any parts you think your DD might enjoy?

You know her best.

YANBU but wait til they want limos for proms lol

I don't like make-up on little ones, but I love Grease and think it's ok, also think the DS is ok but monitor the games, some can even help reading

make up party - no
grease - i let my 3 yr old watch some bits
ds - yes

I wouldn't like my 5 year old to go to a pamper party, but she does have a DS and I'd probably let her watch Grease (she wouldn't be interested in watching the full film, but I'd let her watch the songs.) Her current favourite film is Mamma Mia, but she has no idea what the storyline is, I just skip straight to the songs.

I would be at a little girl who turned up to school with lip gloss and eye liner, but seeing their attempts at smearing lippy/eyeshadow on for that classy clown look is creative and good fun

ZigZag she would probably enjoy all of them! I did let her go to one pamper party (it was her best friend's) but I said no make-up. I'm just not confident enough in my own objections to risk her being alienated by her classmates if it isn't a huge issue!

I am always grateful for the opinions of the wise women of MN

You're not one of them evil mums then if you let her go emma

DD1 (10) got flack at school a few months ago because she didn't have a tan or long nails!

This said by the very untanned girl who reckons she gets £100 a week pocket money

I went to a pamper party for 6 year olds with the attitude it was really inappropriate (was dns) and they spent a really cute half an hour with the make up and hair stuff dressing up as princesses then the rest of the time just played party games so wasn't half as bad as I thought

Wouldn't think grease was appropriate at all though. My pfb is still a baby though so all this to come

I suppose I'm wondering how it affects them if they are the only one in the class not allowed to do stuff? Presumably it gets much much worse as they get older?! At the moment she doesn't really notice but I am sure the time will come...

It won't be that conspicuous that she's not allowed. There will always be children who can't go because of prior engagements, logistic difficulties or whatever. Just work out where your real no-go lines are (as opposed to things you'd prefer not, but can just about live with), then stick to it. You needn't tell the child the real reason, and it'll be someone else's party soon.