to be very upset at my friends comments.

[Megatron]

I have been friends with another woman that I met at school gates for around two years now. I used to see her around but she never really acknowledged me (she was one of the 'glam' mums, I'm not) then gradually she began chatting to me and we became very good friends. In fact, she's fantastic. We have such a laugh together, she's very caring and kind giving me so much support last year when I lost both my parents. We see each other a couple of times a week and even our husbands are friends now. My kids love her, I love her kids.

Now the thing that has upset me - when we first became friends coincided with me losing a bit of weight. I lost three stone over a period of about five months and this is around the time she began chatting to me, saying she's noticed I'd lost weights etc. She was here today and I commented that I was going to watch what I eat slightly as I feel I'm getting back into my old eating habits again and have put on about half a stone. This is what she said to me: "Oh don't do that, I have a real problem with fat people, I doubt we'd ever have become friends if you hadn't lost weight".

I was completely dumbstruck and asked her what she meant, she said that she knows it's awful but she really has a problem with overweight people, though of course we'd still be friends if I put on weight again but that it's just the way she is and that she can't help it.

I'm really upset about this. I actually can't believe that she would never have approached me to chat if I hadn't lost some weight and it just doesn't sound like the person I know and trust and am incredibly fond of. DH says it's obviously just her 'thing' and not to lose a friendship that means so much to me over it and I can't imagine her not being around, but I just feel so upset about this. Should I just pull myself together or have I a right to be upset? I just feel it shouldn't bloody matter what size I am. Sorry it's so long.

Firstly well done on managing to lose weight. As someone who lost three and a half stone I do understand how hard it can be, so bloody well done you.
And its a constant effort trying to maintain it.

your friend sounds like this poster

you didnt recently get married did you?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1166011-to-have-felt-so-bad-at-a-wedding

It seems to me your friend ,as supportive as she is, probably needs you a lot more than you need her. You make her feel good, she however is making you feel bad, Thats kinda toxic really. Im just wondering whose needs are being served by her being your friend.If she is that shallow Its NOT yours, thats for sure.

I think you should speak to her frankly about what she said and how it made you feel.
I doubt she really understands how hurtful she was. If you want to keep the friendship, you won't be able to just ignore it.

shes a cunt

want to be friends with a cunt

go ahead

I love you sometimes custy!

If you are as close as you say you are then you really must discuss this with her as understandably it's made you feel quite disconcerted.

I don't think she is a cunt, personally - not if she has been a true friend and support to the OP during dark times.
She has said something thoughtless and hurtful - haven't we all? And she has a weird thing about fat. Well that is odd, but not worth dropping her like a hot potato for surely?

Megatron, you don't think this is a cack-handed way of encouraging you to stay slim for your own sake. If she has been a good friend to you, perhaps she thinks you are happier slim and this is a stupid way of getting you to stay that way.

Wouldn't be how I would go about it, myself, mind you!

Just turn it into a bit of a joke ?

"Oh don't say that, I have a real problem with bigotted people, I doubt we'd ever have become friends if I'd known you were a bigot".

I think it might be an opportunity for her to grow up a bit ... her heart seems in the right place.

I bet she was large years ago and has her own issues with weight gain.

People are weird and we have to accept flaws in our friends and hope they accept ours. However, this wasn't weirdness, this was something said which was intentionally crafted to cause hurt. Yes, it may be based on gross insecurity on her part and yes, just walking away from the friendship might be a foolish thing to do. I would get her to sit down and pretty much tell her what you think of what she has said and how it has made you feel. I would not be placated by "oh, I never meant to hurt you" comments. She has hurt you - fact. I would also be prepared for the fact that some people are totally unable to cope with emotionally honesty. I hope she is at least receptive to what you have to say.

You are not being a "baby" - she has questioned your worth as a human being and caused you to question your judgement and her values. That is not the stuff of playground fall-outs.

Oh gosh I think that some are being a bit harsh. what she said was truly upsetting but she has shown that she is not just a good friend but someone who will really go all out for you.

She said that you guys will still be friends if you gained weight but that she probably would't have approached you.

Can you hand on heart say that you would approach anyone regardless of appearance? What about smoker / facial tattooes / body modifications ? You know that she will be there for you - if you're a good friend, talk to her, explain how she hurt you but move on.