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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be scared of flying....

39 replies

Fetlock · 11/03/2011 19:47

used to love it, now on a bad day terrified. various things come into my mind when i am having a freak out so there is a list of things/likely scenarios that put me off flying although i do still fly, if i have to, am avoiding a long haul job however, much to dh's frustration. am i alone with this fear (i know i am not, but anyone here feel the same?)

OP posts:
PrivetDancer · 11/03/2011 19:50

Yabvu and irrational, but I am exactly the same.

i have avoided it for a few years now with DCs as an excuse (too much hassle, you see), but now we have a holiday booked in august and I'm already having nightmares about it. Hmm

Original poster
Fetlock · 11/03/2011 19:53

private have you considered going on the british airways fear of flying course? i might if i had to gon on a long haul job. i tend to usually only go to denmark (which tends to usually be a bumpy affair over the sea) which is only about 1 hr 20 mins. i prefer to be on a plane on my own, i have flown with dd a few times and i find i have to hide my fear as i don't want it to pass to her. it is hard work being scared and having to hide it although sometimes being busy with a child can take your mind off it. also i can recommend taking a 'word search' mag, this helps me when there is turbulence which is when i tend to be at my worst!!

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squeakytoy · 11/03/2011 20:06

YABU, but I was exactly the same. Put off going to the USA for years because I just couldnt face being on a flight for so long... finally gave in and did it.. and have been back 4 times since. The bigger the plane, the less turbulence and if you fly with Virgin its great as the inflight entertainment is brilliant and helps pass the time quickly.

Watching things like the plane that landed on the Hudson also gives me faith that things can go drastically wrong, and everyone still can survive. Statistically, you are much more likely to die in a pile up on the way TO the airport... not on a plane.

Get booked and get on that plane... you will be fine. I promise!

Original poster
Fetlock · 11/03/2011 20:30

thanks squeaky, it does me the world of good to read and hear such optimism :)

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stoatsrevenge · 11/03/2011 20:41

Haven't flown for 31 years. Never miss it. Now enjoy all holidays because I don't have to worry about flying home.
Try the train in Europe - brilliant!

stoatsrevenge · 11/03/2011 20:42

Blimey 31 years made me sound REALLY ancient! 21 years sounds a bit better!

Rhinestone · 11/03/2011 20:46

No advice but YANBU!

PrivetDancer · 11/03/2011 20:46

No, I'd be too embarrassed to do a fear of flying course as I know I'm just being silly.
Do agree long haul is better - you just can't keep up your terror for that long and have to give in and relax!

I have booked business class for our holiday, so hopefully the niceness will distract me (and I can have a few gins in the lounge beforehand)
I will also focus on the sheer elation you get if when you land - I'm always deliriously happy (and slightly surprised) in baggage reclaim

PrivetDancer · 11/03/2011 20:52

Also I have a couple of friends that are cabin crew, so try to remind myself that they fly every week and are fine.

Original poster
Fetlock · 11/03/2011 20:56

private you are not being silly, lots of people have the fear which i think is quite reasonable when you really think about it (you are in the air high up on something that is run by an engine). i have seen more than one docu' re the BA flying course and it actually looks very good to me, i would certainly do it if i had to (i used to fly to the US quite regularly and loved it, seems old age has made me more fearful sadly). it is a lovely feeling when you land, such relief (as compared to being stuck in a tube tunnel for an eternity and then the train suddenly starts to move) :)

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stoatsrevenge · 11/03/2011 20:57

Last flight I was on I started running down the aisle in hot pursuit of a stewardess demanding red wine - as the plane was in the process of landing, all other seat-belted passengers really enjoyed the show. Friends at the front cringed and pretended not to know me.

ENormaSnob · 11/03/2011 20:57

I feel your pain.

I used to really enjoy flying too Sad

I still do it but take a shed load of diazepam and wine.

Original poster
Fetlock · 11/03/2011 21:40

last flight i was on was a real humdinger, coming back from copenhagen the pilot before it had even taken off kept telling us how there would be strong turbulence, my pet hate, so i was shtting waiting for the turbulence and blimey, it was pretty rocky and diped alot although strangely i think due to being really tired i sat it out quite well without having really sweaty palms!! i was quite proud of myself but i am still very fearful. i think when i can seem someone else who is clearly scared it makes me more nervous

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stoatsrevenge · 11/03/2011 21:56

Have to add that flying over the north pole on a nearly empty jumbo was one of the most surreal and amazing experiences of my life!

northerngirl41 · 11/03/2011 22:00

Fear of flying is silly, but it doesn't make you silly - it's okay to be scared.

Statistically it's safer than doing the school run and rationally you'll know that, but it'll make no difference whatsoever when the fear kicks in.

I think there's two schools of thought: the first one being that people are scared of the unknown, so they get really anxious about it. The converse is that people fly all the time and think it's more likely that they'll end up on a flight which crashes than say someone who's never been on a plane before (however unlikely that is).

Your inner control freak probably hates the fact that someone else is in the cockpit, and that you can't get out if you decide you don't like it.

What you have to do is figure out what triggers the fear and then work out under what circumstances you'd be able to overcome it. So if for example it was one flight to emigrate to Australia and you had a fantastic job and a beautiful house waiting for you, would you do it? Or would you be perfectly okay just avoiding it altogether and spending the summer at home?

Phobias are weird things - sometimes they just disappear on their own.

bibbitybobbityhat · 11/03/2011 22:05

I did the British Airways fear of flying course and it cured me of my plane and tube phobia, so double bonus for me.

On the course they explained that an awful lot of nervous fliers are people who have been fine with flying in the past but have gradually become more and more nervous over the years (something to do with thinking their "luck is going to run out") - they are quite used to accommodating all sorts of nervous people on their courses.

I would recommend.

MrsBloomingTroll · 12/03/2011 09:21

YANBU.

Sorry, I haven't had a chance to read through the entire thread, but saw it last night in passing and wanted to reply as soon as I got a chance.

I used to fly a lot for work, and loved it at first. The flights that gave me my fear of flying were the short ones, from London to Amsterdam and back. I had numerous horrible, bumpy flights, countless hours of "stacking" and also a "missed landing".

In the latter years (during which I became a Gold card frequent flyer) I did a lot of long-haul flights and developed all kinds of "coping strategies". I actually found the long haul flights easier because you could relax with a glass of something alcoholic and watch a film.

After having my DD I was determined not to pass on my fear to her and did the Virgin Atlantic Flying without Fear course. It was brilliant - I went on the course flight on the day, chatted happily throughout, and even stood up, walked around and looked out of the window whilst the plane was banking Shock. Having a pilot stand and show/explain to you how little the plane moves during turbulence and also say it's so unimportant that he only needs to talk about it for five minutes is hugely reassuring. Also the in-flight commentary of what was happening was great.

I've flown a few times since then (don't work at the moment) and it's made the world of difference to me. Last flight was a couple of months ago and I felt so relaxed.

Please don't let this impact your life - please go and do the course, BA or Virgin.

ManateeEquineOhara · 12/03/2011 09:38

I am petrified of flying too. I have researched what happens to a body in a plane crash, thinking it might help but it did not! My dcs would love to go on a plane though, maybe I should save up for one of these courses too.

nikki1978 · 12/03/2011 09:41

I did the Virgin Fear of Flying course. No need to be embarrassed - there were 150 people at the one I did! It is a day long thing but really works well. I did it before I had to fly to Australia and it worked a treat :)

AngeChica · 12/03/2011 09:57

I used to be absolutely fine about flying until I flew through a storm about 10 years ago and subsequently lost my bottle. I used Valium + wine which did the trick nicely, but obviously since having DS I can't do that if he is with us. I have flown twice with him on my knee and TBH it was actually a fantastic distraction - I was so caught up in looking after him I actually forgot to get wound up about the actual flight! I still have all sorts of bizarre superstitions and strageties though. I have iPod on really loud, I don't like my feet to touch the floor, I can't have a window seat, I like the window blind to be down. I touch the door of the plane and say a little prayer when we embark even though I am not religious!! Blush

Strangely, during approach and landing I feel a massive rush of relief and can then look out of the window, landing doen't bother me at all. It is take off, levelling out and anticipation of turbulence that gets me.

The courses sound good but I would totally recommend tranquilisers if flying alone and you don't have to drive at the other end. They kill all sense of anxiety for me. The doctor will give me a precious few if I need them for a long flight.

Original poster
Fetlock · 12/03/2011 10:22

mrsb what is 'stacking'? (&'banking')? thanks. plus mantanee - what DOES happen to a body in a plane crash? you have got me curious now........ on the last flight i went on which was really choppy i found keeping my eyes shut and jumping up slightly (not so i look like a maniac) when it 'dropped' helped (like when you drive fast over a bump). i don't mind landing either unless it is really windy and the plane is blowing all over the shop but i actually find it exhilating it is just the impending turbulance that i don't like (plus sitting next to someone who smells of garlic makes me feel sick and a bit clostriphobic)...

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MrsBloomingTroll · 12/03/2011 10:35

"Stacking" is when the plane goes round and round in circles (figures of 8 sometimes I think) whilst waiting to land, usually above London when waiting to land at Heathrow! A group of planes will be in the "stack" moving down and down in turn until they are called by air traffic control to land.

Banking is when the plane tilts to one side in order to turn.

I hated both because I have a problem with heights and you can end up looking out of the window straight at the ground.

Sorry, not v.technical explanations but I hope you understand what I mean!

I found that recognising exactly where my fear lay (mine is heights - yours is claustrophobia to some extent, OP) it helped to acknowledge it and do what I could to reduce it.

ManateeEquineOhara · 12/03/2011 13:52

Fetlock - I am not sure that on a thread full of people with a fear of flying that it would be appropriate to answer that - but it is possible to find out through googling.

ShirleyKnot · 12/03/2011 13:55

YANBU.

It ain't natural, we ain't meant to be up there.

WentworthMillerMad · 12/03/2011 16:09

I hate flying but I love te sun. I live in Scotland so I have to fly.
Last time I flew with DH it was diazepam and a very large g and t or 2.
I then did not care of we crashed!

YANBU.