I am, but wtf can i do about it?

[purpleelephants]

Hi,

I dont really know where to start (sorry).

I have 3 DC. The youngest is 7mths and i have pnd.

I suffer pannic attacks where I become suicidel and cant calm myself down.
I lose it and cant see a way out, convice myself that my DC are better off wth me gone and I really want to die at the time.

I have spoken to my gp and seen a pyc nurse (although I couldnt open up to her) and they gave me meds and were nice about it.

The thing is, my Dh.

He cant stand it when I have a meltdown and is a compleat basterd to me when I have one.

He will say realy hurtful stuff, throw me out and had even become physical with me.

I know it must be very hard to see your spouse lose the plot like that but it just makes me worse and I am so worried about his reaction that it makes it worse.

He is lovley and supportive the rest of the time, but the thing is I need him when I'm breaking down more than ever and he just makes it worse.

I try to shelter my Dc from all this and on the whole they remain unawere -I tell them I have a headach ect but I know this is far from ok and I just want the best for them. They deserve better and it kills me.

I supose I want to know if iabu to expect my DH to suport me (knowing how bloody hard it must be to try to reason with the unreasonable) and what can I do? None of us can live like this

I don't have enough expertise to give you valid advise but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, that others are listening to you and belive you that what you are going through is horrid.

You can pm me if you ever want to chat about stuff.

I too have PND and am on ad's and am breastfeeding my 10 month old.

The first lot of ad's I was put on when baby was born made me feel dizzy and sick so I stopped taking them and felt like I was in hell every day.

I have now gone on another type of ad and honest to god I feel like my old self again and life is worth living again.

Please dont dismiss ad's because your BF, it can work out.