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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to spend time 'as a family' in our new house

26 replies

cherryteat · 10/03/2011 21:10

we moved last thursday. I had to work thurs/fri & we had some of saturday together in between moving more furniture in and unpacking. DH left on sunday for a training course and returned late last night he also had a night out with friends while away . I have work today & tomorrow, was home late tonight so not doing much together a both tired. DH is going camping with his friends at the weekend so we have not had anytime to relax together and enjoy our new home, just us & DD. aibu to ask him to cancel camping or shall I just keep quiet and let him have his fun? H

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 10/03/2011 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaxTellersOldLady · 10/03/2011 21:12

if the camping was arranged pre moving house, I wouldnt ask him to cancel it. It is just part of life being very busy at the moment for you all.

Besides, unless you live somewhere hot and sunny, he will probably freeze in a tent. Grin

Let him go and you and DD stay nice and warm and toastie at home.

AgentZigzag · 10/03/2011 21:14

I can understand how you feel, but I probably wouldn't ask him to cancel unless you reckon you'll resent him for doing it.

But does he want to go with so much to do?

HumphreyCobbler · 10/03/2011 21:14

I think it depends on whether this is a long planned and special trip, or if he goes camping quite a lot and might as well go next week or the week after.

AgentZigzag · 10/03/2011 21:15

Yes, that's a point, why is he camping in March??

mmsmum · 10/03/2011 21:15

I don't think anyone should be going camping, don't you have boxes to unpack and furniture to place?

Original poster
cherryteat · 11/03/2011 06:44

I couldn't reply last night completely wiped out! I don't resent him going, I'm just knackered. I'm 3.5 mths pregnant & still struggling with pelvic pain/muscular skeletal probs from last pregnancy. DD1 is having a terrible time Teething & obviously things have been a bit unsettled for her with moving, DH being away etc. SHe is v insecure & requires so much attention & I have been working as well as lugging stuff around, unpacking etc. I just fancied a bit of chill time for me and for us to have some time together . I know we have years together as a family I'm just so exhausted!

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Original poster
cherryteat · 11/03/2011 06:45

oh yes we still have a lot of unpacking to do! Its a regular 'boy's' camp they do a few throughout the year, not everyone goes everytime.

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manicbmc · 11/03/2011 08:15

I think being as you've just moved house and there is still plenty to do, he should cancel this once. You both need the chance to settle into your home and it will obviously help your dcs settle in more when you aren't surrounded by boxes.

Good luck in your new home. Smile

upahill · 11/03/2011 08:28

Agent zigzag What's up with camping in March? I camp for most of the year, usually wild camping, and will be starting with the kids next available weekend when we are altogther!!!

JaxTellersOldLady · 11/03/2011 11:19

In light of what you have just posted I think your DH should cancel this camp trip and stay at home, help get things sorted out and give you a bit of a break.

Not too much to ask.

Original poster
cherryteat · 11/03/2011 11:24

It's a quandary i know he's desperate to go and he knows that I desparately need help but if I say please don't go i know that he will be disappointed. It's like I am taking "sweets from a Baby". I silently expect him to come to 'the right decision' on his own so that i don't look like the bad guy. Pathetic really that I can't communicate my needs in a more direct fashion!

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TobyLerone · 11/03/2011 11:25

I don't think you should ask him to cancel, and I think he would resent it if you did.

Original poster
cherryteat · 11/03/2011 11:43

Yes Toby I think he would resent me too. But while I'm on this rant I might carry on a bit longer on here, get it out of my system!
And another thing:
Because my lovely DH wants to be involved in the decision making process re decor we do not even have any curtains, anywhere in the house.
The move came at very short notice after lots of umming and aahing on the part of the mortgage lenders, so the move was on/off until the very last minute & we did not have the opportunity to take measurements etc so we have to wait until we are both off work at the same time to go and choose poles, fixtures, curtains etc. I have no privacy downstairs and it makes the place feel cold.

moan moan moan.

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Lizzylou · 11/03/2011 11:49

Ah well then, he goes camping and entrusts the curtain shopping etc to you alone, or he stays home and gets an opinion.
Tell him that you need the curtains sorted this weekend and will do it without him if that is OK?

TobyLerone · 11/03/2011 11:58

Lizzylou's solution sounds perfect.

Do try not to be PA about it though, however much you might feel like it. I can understand how tired you are and how you'd like some help this weekend, but 'hoping he'll come to the right decision by himself' is building yourself for a big sulk when he doesn't. And there's every chance he won't know exactly what he's done wrong.

I do sympathise.

PigValentine · 11/03/2011 12:21

Use the weekend to choose and put up curtains.

PigValentine · 11/03/2011 12:27

Oops, Lizzylou, you'd already made the best suggestion Smile I wouldn't tell him beforehand though, I'd just take advantage of being able to choose all the curtains Grin

Original poster
cherryteat · 11/03/2011 13:26

Hilarious! I love the idea of going and choosing the curtains alone with passive-aggressive adolescent rebelliousness. I might cut off my nose to spite my face and choose something foul and garish to illustrate my distress regarding him not picking up on my silent seething.

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mistressploppy · 11/03/2011 13:36

Don't say anything. Let him go camping BUT trot it out at every argument afterwards for the next 5 years...."YOU sodded off camping and left me PREGNANT and in AGONY with a DISTRESSED toddler and NO CURTAINS!!!"

Should keep you in passive-aggressive argument fodder for ages Grin

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 11/03/2011 13:45

YANBU - I would expect DH to cancel in the same situation. It isn't a one off, there will clearly be other camping weekends that he can go on.

I wouldn't be PA about it and involve the curtains though, I would be upfront.
Something along the lines of

'DH, I am not going to tell you that you can't go, because that makes me the bad guy and also your mother. You know the situation, and you need to decide what is more important to you - a camping trip with your friends, or us getting settled in our new home.'

You are making it perfectly clear what your feelings are, but leaving the decision to him.

Original poster
cherryteat · 11/03/2011 13:59

Thanks Alibaba I did kind of make that statement (a little bit PA) last night: "It's up to you to do what you think is best for everybody" I'm laughing now as I type this because of course in the great scheme of things it's not really important. Poor bloke just wants a feral night under the stars with his mates and he's got a neurotic hormonal wifey pressurising him to do boring grown up things like play Mummies and Daddies and House.

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Original poster
cherryteat · 11/03/2011 14:01

mistressploppy: it sounds as though you know my modus operandi.

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mistressploppy · 11/03/2011 14:01
Grin
TobyLerone · 11/03/2011 14:30

"Hilarious! I love the idea of going and choosing the curtains alone with passive-aggressive adolescent rebelliousness. I might cut off my nose to spite my face and choose something foul and garish to illustrate my distress regarding him not picking up on my silent seething."

Hahaha! I didn't mean being PA about the curtains Grin

I kind of meant what mistressploppy said!