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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to secretly hope that he doesn't make the CSA payments

7 replies

Asteria · 10/03/2011 20:46

I have just received a letter informing me that my ExP hasn't made his maintenance payments for 6 months - before you all flame me for being a dozy mare, I only get £2.50 a week anyway so hadn't really noticed (and yes the decimal is in the right place!).
I am supposed to get a back payment of just over £60 in the next couple of weeks but I am secretly hoping that he doesn't pay this because, according to the little booklet that they kindly enclosed, he could get into quite a bit of trouble for not paying...

A bit of background is probably necessary: I left DS's father when DS was 3 months old after a violent relationship. I returned for a visit when the dust had settled (or so I had thought) with the hope that we could establish some civil relationship whereby my DS could see his father. At that point I was told that he "didn't want to see [his] son until he was old enough to realise what a bitch his mother was" - the suggested age was about 16, at which point my DS would miraculously turn against me and fall into the open arms of the man who kicked seven shades of shit out of his mother whilst she was pregnant Hmm I walked away and decided that I didn't really want him to play emotional tug of war with my lovely little boy anyway so not seeing him was probably for the best anyway.

Anyway, back to the CSA payments... I never really wanted ExP's money, not feeling that it was fair to ask for money when he had no access to his son. However at the same time I was fuming that he was fraudulently claiming benefits in order to keep his payments down. He then went on to pretending that his earnings were only about £80 a week to keep the payments low (I suspect that the Benefits people got on to him). His website (Architectural Salvage and Antiques) has a very high turnover as I have kept half an eye on it over the last few months. When I was with him he was bringing home +£1500 a week in cash and also making some really interesting insurance claims - not to mention dodging tax. He proudly claimed to have fiddled the Tax Man out of "at least £200k over the years". He lives in the 8 bedroom house that I helped to rebuild - which he subsequently extended and it would now appear uses as some sort of BNP outpost (his FB page is covered in horrendously bigoted slogans and quotes). All in all he is a really nasty piece of work and not in the slightest bit worthy of sympathy...

AIBU to hope that he doesn't make the payments and as a consequence gets the comeuppance that he thoroughly deserves?

OP posts:
slightlymadmoo · 10/03/2011 20:56

so glad he's your X

YANBU at all, have you had a word in the benefit polices ear? i would if he does pay the owed so you can try and get a bit more next time he leaves paying til the last minute

FellatioNelson · 10/03/2011 20:57

Why the hell did you have a baby with this odious man? Surely you knew he was a nasty racist even before he hit you?

And I still don't understand why his payments are only £2.50 a week. That surely costs the CSA more than £2.50 to process and administer. I don't know much about the CSA, but are they really stupid enough to think that a man who owns a huge house and runs a business website cannot afford more than £2.50 a week? Perhaps you should be putting them right on a few things.

Vallhala · 10/03/2011 20:58

I hope so too. It couldn't happen to a more deserving man, could it? :o

StewieGriffinsMom · 10/03/2011 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Asteria · 10/03/2011 21:02

I called the CSA, Inland Revenue and Benefits people years ago. Nothing came of it - although they couldn't really call me to say thank you! I don't want to be the bitter ex who whines about getting their share - I know where he gets most of his money and I don't want it. I'm just fed up with him smugly sitting in his little ivory tower thinking that he is untouchable...

OP posts:
Asteria · 10/03/2011 21:08

In my defence regarding his odious behaviour - when I met him it was all very whirlwind - I was only 23 and he was 37... His views back then were far more Right Wing Conservative Grandfather than bigoted twunt.
I lost an ovary, was told i would probably never have children and then fell pregnant - all within 6 months of meeting him Blush He started hitting me a week later...

OP posts:
Asteria · 10/03/2011 21:12

StewieG - I have done that, can't remember it's name either but his ex wife (my predecessor) and I went through it together. Bet he never thought that we would become such great friends after leaving him Grin our boys adore eachother so it is a win situation there

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