To distance myself from this friend.

[MarioandLuigi]

Friend is a lovely lady in herself, but her husband is horrid to my DS.

I met her through another friend and there is now 4 of us - we get together every week at someones house. We (this lady and I) have alot in common as our DSs are in the same class, we attend the same church and scout group.

But her Husband is a fucking pain. He says horrid things to my DS (9) - telling him as his Dad is german he should be shot, and constantly calling him a midgit, dwarf etc. this really upsets my son (who has recently been diagnosed with mild autustic traits and is very sensitive). I have said something to him and it just made it worse. He sees it as funny. I spoke to my friend and she just shrugged and said 'thats DH'. I have explained about his SN and that made no difference either.

He isnt working ATM so I have delined her invite for coffee next week - AIBU?

This man sounds like a fucking delight. YANBU. If he is so insensitive that he can't recognise that he is bullying a child and his wife refuses to keep him in check then distance yourself.

You need to spell it out to him a bit louder by the sounds of it

If it were me, I would risk the friendship over something like that.

How dare he upset your DS like that?

I'd also be wondering how my 'friend' could try and brush off him saying shit like that.

What is it that's stopped you having a right old go at the twat before now?

don't go near him, noone gets the right to belittle a child

God her husband is awful, I would not allow my son to be in his presence ever!

I am sorry but whether your son is sensitive or not those comments are unacceptable.

I would say to your friend that you cannot continue to expose him to her DH's comments. They are racist and hurtful and although you are very fond of her you have to put your DH's feelings first.

Time to find a new friend.

It's a shame if you get on so well with her, but if he's part of the package then move on.

Life is pretty short, so choose your friends well.

I have said things to him, got angry and asked him nicely - none have worked, infact it just seems to get worse. I have spoken to the HT as some of it has happened in the playground but he doesnt want to do very much.

Well she's not a lovely lady if her only response to her husband saying such things is to shrug.

Definately keep away if you've tried all that, even if you have to be rude about it.

Is he doing it because he likes to annoy people? Is he that kind of person?

I can't understand why that'd make his behaviour worse

He sounds a bit of an oddity, and if you add in the bits about being german/small, a cruel oddity.

What's he like with his own DC and other adults?

She's not lovely if she thinks her husband's behaviour is ok. By her silence she condones it.

My advice would be to bin them.

oh my god, some of this has happened in the playground?? how so? at pick up time or something.

disgraceful man.

You say 'Your husband is vile to my son. Since he is completely unwilling to address the matter, I don't wish to spend any more time in his presence.' If she defends him again, you explain that sadly you can't be around her anymore either.

He is the kind of person that likes to annoy people, my DS isnt the only one but he seems to take it to heart. He is very horrid about his own wife, telling her she needs to lose weight, get a boob job etc (she is on her late 40s and not overweight by any means, plus he is what I would call large).

He just seems to be classic bully-type, it gets worse because he can see it upsets DS, though we have tried to ignore him and that doesnt work either.

Totally agree with Tidey. If your friend thinks this is acceptable behaviour, more fool her.

He has said things while the boys are waiting in line and I am at the other door with DS2.

I have also spoken to the cub leader as its happened at cubs (I dont go as a friend brings DS back) who did say he would say something, and he is quite scary

Yes. Protect your son.

Be blunt.

Look him in the eye and say "You may think you are funny to bully my son but there is nothing amusing about bullying a child. Stop it. Now. You do not have the right to bully my child."

Very important is the repeated use of the word 'bully'.

And I think a formal complaint to the Head is in order. Again saying that this man is bullying and you will not allow it.

yes , this man is a bully and it's best you stay away. sorry for your friend and all that, maybe you just have to tell it like it is, and say you are sorry but can you meet at yours.

You have to distance yourself from these people otherwise you are allowing this man to really hurt your DS.

I'd be going bloody mad myself. These people are not friends. He is a real scumbag and needs to be put in his place quick sharpish. I'd be telling every single parent at school what this man is like in order to warn them and protect their children. He is toxic.