to not want my dd to be with this man?

8 replies

kaylasmum · 10/03/2011 11:53

my 26 yo dd has been in a relationship with this man for almost a year now. From what she has told me its not a very happy relationship. He has told her that she looks like a drag queen when she wears make up, that her thighs are'nt aesthetically pleasing and has ogled other women while telling her what he would like to do to them! There has been many other things also.

He deals in weed and i have only just found out that he is growing cannabis in his flat. He has previously been convicted for this spent 6 weeks in prison. He has 2 young children and is separated from his wife. This week he told my dd that he was thinking aabout going back to his wife for the sake of his kids. My dd was devastated, she has borderline personality disorder and i've been looking after her ds for the last 14 months while she gets treatment.

Today she's gone to see her ex and i think she's going to be talked into going back to him. He is no good for her and in turn its going to affect her ds. I really don't want my dgs to be anywhere near this man.

he was also on the sex offenders register for having a relationship with a 14 yo girl when he was 23. So aibu?

OP posts:

silverangel · 10/03/2011 11:54

Er, no!

worraliberty · 10/03/2011 11:57

Sadly she's an adult and there's not much you can do exept try to talk a bit of sense into her and support her when it all goes pear shaped.

MissVerinder · 10/03/2011 11:59

No, YADNBU. Report him to the five-0 for the weed farm if you can do it without getting busted.

Chil1234 · 10/03/2011 11:59

YANBU... agree with the above. All you can do is be there, be honest, keep your DGS safe and hope she sees sense before it's too late. In the meantime, I'd be very tempted to shop him to the police over the weed. If he has previous and he gets another custodial it might give her the breathing room to realise that she doesn't actually need him.

Bogeyface · 10/03/2011 12:02

I agree. Shop him for the weed and hopefully that should give her the time away from him that she needs to get her head straight about him.

Thank goodness she does have you to help her :)

nufsed · 10/03/2011 12:09

My dd spent 18 months with a man whose constant criticisms and belittling comments turned her into a shadow of her former, strong and independent, self.

I made the difficult decision to support the relationship as best I could because I knew my strong dd was still there somewhere and would eventually fight back. It was important to me that when she realised she had to leave him she could come to me knowing there would be no 'I told you so'. When that time came she had no hesitation in coming to me, I helped her with the practicalities of getting out and she has never looked back.

This is a horrible situation and the only advice I can give is not to fall out badly with her over him and be ready to swing into action when she needs you.

justwaitaminute · 10/03/2011 12:19

I agree with nufsed, my mum hates my dp, has admitted it and freely critisises him and his friends to me, She does have a point he is an arse but still

As a result I just don't tell her anything that I've done with him anymore, or any problems, far better for you to be supportive and not critisise him to her. She'll know what he's like.

Original poster

kaylasmum · 10/03/2011 16:05

thanks for the replies.

Well it looks like my dd is going to go back to her dp. I've told her not to come to me moaning about him and telling me everything that he's done and said. I'm not happy about her decision but i know i cant do anything about it. I really don't want my dgs around this man.

I cant report him to the police about the weed as it would be obvious that it was me.

OP posts:

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