"I only cleaned the kitchen two days ago" and other jewels

[OracleInaCoracle]

I have been v ill this week with my teitze's. no grip or feeling in right hand and in a lot of pain. so dh has had to take over my normal duties. namely washing up, cooking, cleaning, ironing, drying clothes, putting them away, doing ds's lunch box, food shopping, separating food into portions... all the stuff that I do that never really seems to get noticed.

I ventured into the kitchen yesterday and it was a tip. the surfaces were covered in crumbs and sticky, the washing up hadnt been done, there were piles of clothes everywhere. now, Im not houseproud. I couldnt care less if my skirting boards are dusty, but I do care about the kitchen. so, I started trying to tidy up (not easy) dh asked what I was doing, I said (quite huffily) "cleaning, what does it look like" to which he replied "I only tidied it two days ago"

kitchens are different to bedrooms and bathrooms and even living rooms. they need the surfaces wiping everytime you prepare food. the washing up needs doing 3 times a day. the floor needs mopping at least once a day. the washing needs folding as soon as its dry, this makes it easier to iron.

so, AIBU to be an ungrateful twonk who is in a bad mood because im in pain and taking it out on dh for being a bit dim?

Just seen your post about the dog so that explains it a bit. I would have him sleep somewhere less 'pale' I think!

I don't see dirt to be fair. I'm pretty sure I haven't got a Y chromosome.

moomoo, the dog does have muddy feet, and a muddy belly too when he's been out.

I am really, really not OCD-ish about the house. I dont care if its untidy, i just dont like dirt. I dont mind piles of clothes, as long as they are clean clothes iykwim.

Trillian I'd decided to ignore that on the basis that it was clearly nonsense, and just respond to the OP. After all, I have two male cleaners, they appear to be able to remove the dirt from my house.

lissielou we also have a pale floor and white coupboards, albeit from the 70's rather than last year, and still don't get the urge to mop every day. Seriously, relax your standards for the moment. It sounds like your DH is doing pretty well at picking up the jobs you would normally do, so cut him a bit of slack if he isn't managing to do everything to your OCD exacting standards

Our kitchen gets cleaned (surfaces, floors etc) once a week when the cleaner comes. We do a bit of a tidy up and load/empty dishwasher maybe every other day but that's it. Maybe I just don't see dirt either .

Amazed that people seriously mop floors every day, and clean surfaces several times a day. Admittedly the only food preparation we do mid-week is heating up some soup in the microwave or making a sandwich to take to work, so maybe it would be different if we had three cooked meals at home every day...

And, joking aside about my slovenliness, I hope you're feeling much better soon OP

he is doing a really good job. the thing is, he gets more panicky than me about tidiness. he tidies and moves things around a LOT. whereas I clean.

There is something about bench/stove/surface wiping that DP just refuses to get/see/deal with. Drives me nuts too!

However the world won't fall apart from a dirty kitchen for a short space in time. Does sound like he's stepped up into the void rather well despite not keeping the kitchen to your usual standard. Let go of your expectations that everything must be done YOUR way. Really it doesn't matter how the clothes are folded in the grand scheme of things.

Personally I'd let him crack on with it, make encouraging & appreciative noises, while you rest up & get well asap.

(You mop the floor daily?? Are you serious?? )

I am PMSL at mopping the floor every day and washing up several times a day. I'm with the once a week crowd on floors and once a day on washing up.

ok, I think I shall allow him to expend his energy more efficiently by making me tea and bringing me drugs and mopping my fevered brow

Does he have a f/t job as well?

Our work surfaces don't get left in a state, but 'cleaning the kitchen' properly is a once a week job in our house. Mopping 'at LEAST' once a day? We sweep every other day, roughly, and it gets mopped once a week. Almost nothing gets ironed. We both work f/t, and share all household duties.

blu, no. he works PT evenings.

believe me, this thread is slightly tongue in cheek. I know I am being unreasonable and am really just having a moan because I am ill and frustrated at not being able to do anything. am even going to have to come off mn now because Im in pain.

YANBU to be in a bad mood when you're ill and in pain, I'm sure I would be worse!

Stop stressing over the kitchen though, and let him do it his way for a while.

tea, drugs and brow mopping is def the way to go lissielou

same teaspoon gets used all day in this house..

and how much cooking do you do that requires washing up to be done 3 times a day?????

Wash up when you are eating cold soup out of the can with a coffee making tea spoon 'cos there are no pots left clean. If you can move the crumbs on the surfaces to the side with your sleeve its ok to make a sandwich on it. Mop the floor if you cannot see the original tile pattern.

All this gives you extra time to wonder why your shoes stick to the lounge carpet.

YANBU about the surfaces and keeping on top of the washing up. How can you possibly prepare the next meal if you're faced with no space to do it in and nothing to prepare it with?

I also object massively to the 'oh he's only a man he can't be expected to do these things'. Once women stop accepting that bullshit response the world will change.

My advice is to just tell him that you are returning to bed and will give him an hour's warning of your next descent, and that you expect things to be roughly under control. Then it's up to him whether he washes up once or ten times a day

I was nodding my head and agreeing with you about men being useless all the way up until 'the floor needs mopping every day.' Every single day? Really?! Blimey you'd have a coronary if you found out how frequently I mop my floor then if once every day is the norm!

trillian "Would you accept a man saying "women don't notice engine noise, they wouldn't know a car needed seeing to unless it was on fire"?"
This made me snort loudly. My last car was trashed by DH "not noticing" the loud noises and stinking smell from the engine, or indeed the steam coming out of the bonnet - the head gasket had gone but he "hadn't noticed" anything happening with it because he had the music up too loud (and has the observational skills of a peanut). As soon as we got in it together to go somewhere, I noticed the knocking, the smell and when we stopped because I whinged, oh yes, the steam coming out from under the bonnet. And you know what? He blamed me for not checking the oil and water!!

lissie - YANBthatU especially if you only have a few utensils etc. We are definitely a lot slacker than you are but we don't have a dog (I assume that is the thing that makes all the mess?) and so don't mop the floor as often as you, but crumbs and washing up from two days all over the place would have me hopping up and down as well.

Agree with Trillian. It is not a man/woman thing. But a difference in acceptable cleanliness standards.

YANBU to complain that he does not wipe the surfaces but are a bit U about the floor and the washing up.

some men are totally anal about cleaning. My friend's dh is always , always, I mean every time without fail going to the sink when she has finished using it for something, splashing bleach about and scrubbing it with steel wool in a really OTT demonstrative I-AM-CLEANER-THAN-YOU manner. How she copes I dunno. Dh is lax to the point of driving me insane but in a way (I think) I prefr that

YAB a little U and you know it he sounds like a nice DH
Hope you feel beeter soon OP x