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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think the teacher should be bringing out the best in my child?

15 replies

PanicMode · 10/03/2011 09:31

I don't know what to think after DDs parents consultation. The teacher said that "she's obviously bright, she just tends to work within herself". AIBU to think that the teacher should be encouraging her to extend herself in school? We do what we can at home, but surely the teacher has her for more time in the (school) day than we do!

OP posts:

Fernie3 · 10/03/2011 09:33

I think you are overthinking it the teacher probably does try and bring out the best - unless that remark was part of a wider story.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 10/03/2011 09:34

Does the teacher mean team working? If so, you can teach her how to work with others through games and demonstrating that some people are good at this, some are good at that and together everything gets done, etc.

Perhaps ask the teacher what you can do to help your DD as well as asking what the school does to foster working in pairs, groups, whatever. :)

Original poster

PanicMode · 10/03/2011 09:34

No the rest was very positive - her reading is good, her concentration good, she's engaged at carpet time etc. I just found it rather an odd remark, but perhaps you're right and I'm overthinking it (usually do )

OP posts:

trixie123 · 10/03/2011 10:01

The teacher has her for 6 hours. You have her for 18. Accounting for sleep time but taking into account weekends I think you have more input. She has 20 something other children at the same time, you (I assume) don't. If you have a specific concern that her needs are not being met then do raise it but give the teacher a break.

ringoffire · 10/03/2011 11:19

Sounds like the teacher is saying she doesn't like to work in groups. Some children are like that, I certainly was. In a class of 20-30 children the teacher has a very small amount of time to dedicate to a child. What are her social skills like? Does she have that many friends? Personally I think your response should have been to ask the teacher what you can do to help the situation.

MangoTango · 10/03/2011 11:23

I've never heard the expression "tends to work within herself" before. Did the teacher explain what she meant? I usually ask if there is anything I can do at home to help as I am able to give my daughter 1:1 help whereas the teacher has to deal with the whole class. Also i think it's good to show you want to support and work with the teacher.

Carrotsandcelery · 10/03/2011 11:26

It sounds to me like the teacher says she gets on with the work but she doesn't vocalise what she is doing or work as a group. She gets it done but doesn't share her thought process or interact as much.
The teacher can help with this, offering her the chance to work in groups, pairs etc.
Teachers have a lot to do though. They have several pupils, all of whom have different requirements. They appreciate when we work with them on things, rather than just leaving it all to them.
Invite friends round to play and encourage group games and activities rather than individual ones.
Eg, a group picture/collage on a big roll of paper or massive sheet of paper or a team/pair game like soft ball tennis or swingball or rounders or football or board games where they take turns...
You get the idea.
It doesn't sound like a serious issue and remember teachers are duty bound to give every child a "next step" so sometimes they are clutching at straws to find something for dcs to work on.

ringoffire · 10/03/2011 12:14

On the flip side to this I think sometimes people want to normalise children - Every child is different, I was very introverted and enjoyed my own company - but as a result i was labelled as "Not a team player".

I would be more concerned about whether your child is happy or not - if they are happy then don't worry about it. If they are unhappy then you need to work with the school to find a solution.

My daughter is the popular child at school, she is also one of the eldest in class. My son only has a couple of friends, and is also one of the youngest, in fact he socialises better with the children in the year below. He dislikes school becuase he has to do work, and would rather be in nursery again. He's generally a happy child. I would love him to be the popular kid, but he's not and as long as it doesn't bother him, it's fine with me.

Dukeleto · 10/03/2011 12:40

ringoffire maybe this is coming from the work I've done with SENs but a certain amount of "normalising" is one of the key roles of schooling. Obviously every child is unique and a good school will respond to their needs and teach accordingly, but they need to prepare children for life in a world that is NOT always tolerant of individualism and differences.

PanicMode did you ask the teacher for any clarification about that phrase? I've never heard it b4, and it does seem a bit ambiguous, maybe they were struggling to express a problem? I think asking about it and making it clear that you are ready to work with the school on it, is the way to go.

ringoffire · 10/03/2011 13:00

Dukeleto, a degree of it is fine when it comes to teaching about interacting with others but you also teach children to respect each others differences.

Trying to normalise a child IMO can have negative impacts as you are in effect trying to turn them into something they are not.

My school tried it with me, they contacted my parents and I was under the child psychologist for a while - Diagnosis, a child with a high IQ who was happy on his own.

Original poster

PanicMode · 10/03/2011 13:04

She is "one of the most sociable girls in the class, with a wide circle of friends" according to the teacher. She has been asked to almost every party in the class this year and I have a large succession of after school 'playdates' (hate that word) for her. It's not an SEN issue. According to her report, she works very well in groups as well as on her own and is very supportive of friends who need help.

I asked the teacher what she meant by the phrase and she said that if she can write 2 sentences when she is able to write 5, then she will, that she doesn't push herself to do more than the bare minimum. The teacher thinks that she is "capable of more than she's doing". Surely the teacher/TAs should be trying to draw that out of her at school? I did ask her what I could do to help and she suggested trying to get her to extend her writing at home, and to do more mental maths etc. all of which we do, but they are the ones who have her in the classroom.

OP posts:

ringoffire · 10/03/2011 13:29

Ahhhh, it all becomes clear. That sounds like my school report, I would get B's and A's for my work but C's and D's for effort. Always a "Could do better" child.

That's a bit tougher OP, I honestly felt I was doing my best at school - so always disagreed with the teacher !

Sorry backing out of thread now as I never found the answer to that one!

Carrotsandcelery · 10/03/2011 13:46

This is a completely different issue Panic. I think this could be said for a lot of pupils and adults too. It is particularly true of bright pupils who can get through without having to exert themselves.
What tends to happen is they do well in life until they come across something that is a challenge and then they struggle as they have developed no tactics for struggling iykwim.
The school will do what they can to encourage her to push herself. They are required by law to teach her at her level as far as I understand but they cannot do everything. Teaching staff are spread very thinly.
You can encourage her at home too if you are capable. Otherwise, ask the school for the materials to encourage her at home (a half way house). Some parents would employ tutors in these circumstances to push the pupils at their own level. I am not sure about this approach. I would encourage good quality reading as this will help to develop her vocabulary and her ability to use more complex and interesting sentences etc.

Original poster

PanicMode · 10/03/2011 14:12

Thanks Carrots - DH was exactly the same; he could have got a first but ended up getting a low 2:2 because he didn't want to put in any effort...he regrets it massively now!

She's only in Y1 so there's plenty of time for tutoring - we will just continue to encourage her at home to challenge herself a bit more I think and find strategies to help her extend herself.

OP posts:

Carrotsandcelery · 10/03/2011 14:15

My dh is the same as well. He coasted through Uni and Phd then came unstuck when he had professional exams. He had no coping strategies. Sometimes I am happy to be mediocre.

I don't think in Year 1 you need to worry or tutor. It is good to be aware though and keep an eye on things.

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