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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this friend isn´t acting like a true friend

27 replies

zinggorilla · 10/03/2011 08:52

I have a mum friend who I really like. It was another friend´s birthday next weekend and I really wanted to go out and celebrate with her.
The first friend told me that her dd could babysit. Her dd is a teen. She would charge the standard rate per hour plus a taxi fare hom. I agreed. However, the next day I got a nasty, unexpected bill from the council higher than expected.
I decided that I simply can´t afford to go out so I texted my mate saying sorry but i can´t afford to go out and use her dd to babysit as I have to prioritise bills.
She didn´t reply so I phoned the next day cue her resonse that her dd was very upset and so was she.She sounded very annoyed.
For what. I gave her at least a week´s notice. I guess her dd is dissapointed that she won´t be getting pocket money and babysitting experience but I can´t afford mnore debt. My circumstances changed and I acted accordingly. Treats are not on the radar atm.
My friend has ignored my subsequent text saying that I was gutted too as I would love to go out and hire her dd rather than struggle with bills.

I just feel that she´s pissed off as her dd won´t be getting her money. Is she a true friend. It will probably blow over.

Name changed for this.

OP posts:

winnybella · 10/03/2011 08:56

She's being ridiculous.
No, she's not a friend at all, and seems slightly unbalanced imo.
You have done nothing wrong.

frgr · 10/03/2011 09:00

oh i first read it that you've had her babysit, then decided not to pay because of the bill -

but you've given her a week's notice, for a very good reason - i'm not sure what else you could have done, other than promise her that the next time you want a babysitter there'll be a big tub of ben and jerries ice cream in the freezer as a way of an apology for cancelling maybe? or some other such way to say "sorry about that".

but as it stands, YANBU - your friend has over reacted, and frankly missed an opportunity to teach her daughter about counting chickens before they are really hatched!

DaisyDaresYOU · 10/03/2011 09:00

She don't much of a friend.A friend would not make you feel bad about something that aint your fault

Vallhala · 10/03/2011 09:00

What winny said.

Besides, I'd like to think that as you're supposedly a friend of this woman both my teenaged daughters (whom I won't allow to babysit as I think it's too great a responsibility for a child but that's by the by!) would upon learning of your situation offer to babysit for nothing as a kindness. In fact I'm damn sure they would!

The woman's no friend and very ignorant.

DaisyDaresYOU · 10/03/2011 09:02

She doesnt sound much of a friend.I should really preview before I send yanbu btw

Original poster

zinggorilla · 10/03/2011 09:12

I feel like a money opportunity for her tbh rather than a mate.

OP posts:

manicbmc · 10/03/2011 09:21

Better you find out now what a non-friend she is. You can bet she or her dd would have quibbled about how much they got paid anyway.

You gave plenty of notice and a damn good reason for not being able to go out.

macdoodle · 10/03/2011 09:32

YANBU horrid, I have a regular teen babysitter, I work one evening a week for 3 hours.
One week I didnt need her, texted her a few days before, and forgot about it. She knocked on the door at regular time, she had changed her number and forgot to tell me, so didnt get the text.
My fault for not checking she had got it. She was lovely about it, no problem, big smile and back next week. Am sure she is just happy to keep her regular job but she was a pleasure and I gave her an extra fiver the following week.

CrapBag · 10/03/2011 09:46

YANBU.

I would ask your 'friend' outright what the problem is. Of course you should have to prioritise bills before paying her DD to babysit and have a night out, if she was any sort of friend she would be making sure you are ok.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 10/03/2011 09:49

YANBU. A friend would have told you not to worry about it, these things happen.

wellwisher · 10/03/2011 10:31

A week's notice and they're moaning? If she's a half-decent babysitter she'll have plenty of other 'customers' who want to take the slot. I babysat in my teens and had so many job offers that I had to turn them down or outsource them to competent friends. YANBU.

bupcakesandcunting · 10/03/2011 10:32

Tell her to fuck right off. What are you? Her personal payroll machine? Cheeky bitch.

pilates · 10/03/2011 10:38

What a cheek, YANBU and I would make it known that she has upset you. Of course, bills are priority to a night out. If her daughter is in that need of money perhaps she could do some jobs for her mother to earn some money?

Mamaz0n · 10/03/2011 10:43

WTF? she sounds like she has some issues.

yanbu at all

WhatsWrongWithYou · 10/03/2011 10:45

I'd like to think that if a friend of mine was in so much debt that she couldn't afford a rare night out, I'd say, 'no problem, she'll be there anyway,' and pay my daughter myself to babysit - not let the friend know obviously.

Or let my DD stay in with my DCs while I babysat. There are so many other possible scenarios here that don't end up with one person in a huff and the other upset - a true friend would endeavour to find a positive outcome.

LionRock · 10/03/2011 10:49

It's very odd for your 'friend' to react that way. "She and her daughter are very upset"? Not only did you give a weeks notice but the arrangement had only been in place for about a day anyway. Bonkers!

Unless there's something else going on to make them over-react in this way I'd keep the friendship on a minimal level from now.

Decentdragon · 10/03/2011 12:23

Wonders if friend thinks you put her daughter in an awkward situation by saying you couldn't afford to pay her therefore couldn't now go, and thinks you were angling for her to volunteer?

It's not how I'm reading it, but if mum read it like that it could be why mum's unhappy?

Original poster

zinggorilla · 10/03/2011 13:48

I don't think that friends and babysitting mix. I won't bother with her again. She was very insistent that I use her dd in the first place making me think she's only after one thing; and it isn't friendship. Uggggrrrr.

Dragon; I wasn't wanting a free babysitter. I don't want to go out at all as I don't want to spend money on booze when there are other bills. The more I think about it, the more nasty I think she has been about this.

OP posts:

Decentdragon · 10/03/2011 17:28

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you did, was just wondering if the 'friend' might have thought that.

HeartSkipsABeat · 10/03/2011 17:33

YANBU!

majorydoors · 10/03/2011 17:37

YANBU not a true friend (seems a bit childish) to expect you to go ahead and get into debt to save DD's feelings - thats life, good for you for prioritising family finances.

saffy85 · 10/03/2011 17:41

YANBU you shouldn't feel bad. Stop apologising you've done nothing wrong. This kid will get over it.

LoveBeingAKnockedUp · 10/03/2011 17:49

What a horrible person, maybe she was getting a cut from her dd?

Adversecamber · 10/03/2011 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

luvviemum · 10/03/2011 18:19

She doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. The pals I have who have been my friends for many years would never take offence at something so trivial. Cancelling a babysitter with a weeks notice is hardly something to take offence at - she's no mate so stick with your real friends hun x

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