AIBU to not give this a chance?

[elseIlltellyourfather]

DS (just 3) is registered at a local pre-school, which is attached to the infant school he will be attending. We have spent lots of time there and he has attended one session alone this week. It is small, crowded and appears to not be terribly structured, though the children seem fine. DS is very sensitive and I think quite overwhelmed by it. I chose it as the transition to scholl will be so easy as he will be with the same children in the same place, just a different uniform and class room. However, he is very reluctant to go back and be left and I really have reservations about if it is right for him. There is a local Montessouri (SP) which we could go to (small groups, quiet, lovely etc), but am I just delaying the transition he will then have to make from pre-school to school, which will then be equally hard? Shall I give him time to settle in this one? I have never done this before, PFB! Opinions gratefully received.

It may appear to be unstructured but that may just be on the surface. If I were you I would give it a bit longer and if by say, Easter, your son is still not settled then I would think about moving him.

I don't think the transition would be any more difficult for him - children develop a lot of confidence at preschool and by the time he goes up to Reception you may find he's a different child altogether.

Nearer the time, if you're still worried about transition you could always put him into the pre-school for just two or three sessions a week to familiarise him with the other children and environment. There's nothing wrong with attending two groups.

As a nursery nurse I can tell you that the children whose parents think they wont be able to 'manage', very often do and mostly enjoy themselves- it as about learning to grow and fit into the world in which we live- the montessori does sound lovely but imo its a short term fix .....I think you should try the pre school for a decent amount of time and see how it goes.

As a Mum of 3 I can tell you this is just the start of the worry my pfb has just left the house to go to college,today hes getting his A level results,im worried about that,im worried about the long bus journey (and have been worrying since he started there) im worried he hasnt fastened his coat up and will get a bad chest and the fact hes wearing pumps and the weather forecast says its snow!!...............and theres 2 other dc still sleeping and my worries for them havent started today .

Nickschick I think that is one of the nicest, most supportive and understanding posts I have read on AIBU.

Op have you thought about speaking to the staff? I'm sure he won't be the first to find it hard. It is a big thing for him.

aww ty 'love' its worry it makes me a nicer person by lunchtime ill be a bitch .

Oh, nickschick, you just made me cry! I hope I'm as good a mum as it sounds like you are!

Thanks so much everyone, I agree about Mont. being a short term fix. I have spoken to the staff and may stay with him for a short time next week, they said it is very common for children to find it hard the first few times. What really broke my heart was when he said "all the friends were already someone else's friend" when I asked him about it, and was sittign all alone when i went to collect him
nickschick that is pretty much what my mum said too; that Mont. might be nice but isn't really the real world for him, once he moves on.

Aww bless him! He'll be fine in time I should think. I've done some volunteering at my DD's preschool, and at the first session I did loads of DCs were upset (it was early in the term). By the time I did my next session all these DCs were fine, running around madly with their friends! Decent staff will know how to deal with this - I saw lots of cuddles from the teachers and they have photo albums for them to look through if they are homesick.

Some children struggle more than others - my DD was absolutely fine, but DS is a clingy boy and I expect he'll find it much more difficult.

Ohh Jenga dont be deceived ds2 left the house declaring he hates me .....I still worry about him and have rung school to check hes there ......hes 15!!!.

As someone else said..Nurseries do look unstructured on the surface but you'd be surprised at how organised most of them are.

Hi Else
It takes some children much longer to settle in, what a worry for you.

If your son thinks 'everyone else already has a friend' I have found that the best solution is for your son to see other children on a one on one situation (at park your home etc.) Then he will make his own friends and feel more confident in the crowded room.

Example (very confident) DD when to preschool in Sept (at 3 yrs), has made lots of friends but recently organised for her to play with a boy she has mostly ignored up till now. Now they just talk about each other, hug and claim best friendship. Sometimes it just takes a gentle nudge from you... so get chatting to other mums for some play dates for your son.

And good luck.

Thanks, good stuff. Play dates sounds like a great idea, I hadn't thought of that. There is a park right next to the school so can even just meet there before or after; that will be easy to arrange. I will stick with it, thanks all.