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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

dds birthday money and exp

42 replies

tomhardyismydh · 09/03/2011 13:14

dd wants a ds, she agreed to save birthday money and her dad would put some towards it. so about £40 quid of her money and £40 of his.

anyway he offered to buy it and bring it on her birthday, today, this confused her i,e im not giving daddy my money i want to buy it myself...so we agreed she wont have it on birthday but he will take her at the weekend and she will buy it at the weekend. all part of the enjoyment in saving your own money in my opinion. dd happy tp wait and excited about doing this at wkend.

he called last night and has bought it...dd a bit put out but o.k realy...now would it bvu of me to not offer the money up and assume he has bought it for her? dd is 55 btw

OP posts:

Condensedmilkaddict · 09/03/2011 14:12

Don't offer it. Let her buy DS games with it instead

Magicjamas · 09/03/2011 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

tomhardyismydh · 09/03/2011 14:13

no majic not at all if he asks we will hand over the money,, i can see he has done this with no malice my question was would i be vur to not offer money up and assumme he has now bought it. im not out screw him over, i think you have over reacted.

OP posts:

Magicjamas · 09/03/2011 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

tomhardyismydh · 09/03/2011 14:23

the point my dd was that an £80 present was too much for a birthday especialy if she wants a party if she has her geart set on it then she asks relatives for money if they ask her what she wants and she buys it herself, he agreed he would pay £40 and take her at the weekend, if i get something token to open in the morning. dd was fine and understood about waiting.

we will see how it all pans out later.

OP posts:

LionRock · 09/03/2011 15:32

I agree with curlymama - the detail is one thing but there's a bigger issue here. Daddy makes agreements with other people then does what he wants. If he changes his mind about an agreement that's up to him and we sit back and accomodate him.

Thinking back to being a young child myself, part of the excitement would be in going to the shop, choosing the particular one I want, handing over the money to the shop assistant... That'd be a big part of the birthday gift experience.

LionRock · 09/03/2011 15:37

TomHardy I see you point - your agreement has changed from what you expected. I'd expect an explanation from him about why. Maybe he still wants the money. Maybe he saw a one-day-only special offer. Maybe he decided that he wants to give her a £80 gift rather than a £40 one. Maybe he wants to spring a large gift on her but knew you wouldn't be keen so the £40/£40 agreement was a red herring. You know him best but separated parents have been known to do this sort of thing... (Not sh*t stirring honest)

Original poster

tomhardyismydh · 09/03/2011 18:40

he bought it, he didnt expect the cash said she'll get less at xmas, fair point tbh...however the plot thickens.

he has taken her out for tea, so i took a little look so i know what im doing if she needs help no instruction manual or warrenty...so he bloody better have it home else he has just fed the pair of us a heap of shit.

i can just see him getting hold of one off a mate for cheap and palming it off as an £80 reconditioned one.

OP posts:

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 09/03/2011 20:36

TomHIMDP - did he say where he supposedly bought it from? Maybe he got it off eBay or a friend... if you knew it was going to be second hand does it really matter that much? If anything goes wrong with it they are easily repaired from parts off of eBay and if he's bought it & not asking for DD's money then it's really up to him where/who he buys it from/off isn't it?

Original poster

tomhardyismydh · 09/03/2011 21:11

think he def has warrent..doesnt really matter chipping where he got it no, just the fact he is lying about it when there realy is no need, he knows all he had to say was look i can get hold of one but its from who everr.

he nows i would have been ok with it as were both on the look out for cheap as possible second and he inactual fact told me not buy off ebay or cheap off a friend as there was deal in game on reconditioned.

it just sucks that he is lying.

OP posts:

Original poster

tomhardyismydh · 09/03/2011 21:12

my keyboard has ishoos...think he def has no warrenty

OP posts:

bossyboop · 10/03/2011 18:04

If there isnt a warranty then if anything happens to it in the next 12 months let him pay for the repair but I wouldnt worry too much about that, no point driving yourself mad about it when it's not faulty, as long as it remains in full working order the lack of warranty doesnt matter.

I do however think what you said about the cost of the present is important, what expensive gift will be expected next year? Ive found the idea of getting less at christmas never works out and you end up spending just as much.

I suppose its done now and take it with the spirit in which it was intended to make dd happy and hope it doesnt happen again but imo men never listen!

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 10/03/2011 18:17

TomHIMDH - oh I totally understand that!! Of course the best thing to do would have been to say 'Tell DD that I'll buy this for her and we can go shopping for something else with her money. I managed to get one off of x for y'. But hey, he's not an ex because he's a great guy!!

5 year olds don't have that much of a concept of money, they want what they want - it might be a £10 sparkly frog next year - I wouldn't give that another thought.

And you know what he's like - he'll do whatever suits him at Christmas!

Original poster

tomhardyismydh · 10/03/2011 20:41

the machine seems to have oce belonged to his girlfriends older children. the games it has come with has their original profiles on them.

if he had not lied it would have actually had a nice sentiment that dd would have apreciated.

i was tempted to call him today and listen to the lieing torag squirm but had second thoughts and actually shouldnt even be worried about it. i already knew he was a lieing shit ]

OP posts:

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 16/03/2011 07:35

You wonder why they still feel the need to lie about such inane shite really don't you!!

Just drop it into the conversation sometime... 'Oh DD was so thrilled when she was able to get to the same level as x on y game'

nickschick · 16/03/2011 07:46

Does it matter? dd got the ds,dd keeps her money and she went out for tea- shes not hurt,this is your hurt that hes given her a used ds that used to belong to his gfs child.

Its no big deal in the bigger picture- let it go.

Bogeyface · 16/03/2011 08:19

I disagree with those that say that as she has what she wants, its ok.

It isnt. He lied to the OP and ignored his DD's wishes just to save himself some money. FFS, he should atleast have had the decency to clear the profiles so it looked new!

The DD made it clear what she wanted to do, she showed a great level of maturity to save her money and be prepared to wait, not many 5 year olds would do that! The OP understood what the arrangement was and everyone was happy, but the ex ignored all that, not once but twice, despite the OP explaining how much it meant to the DD to get it herself.

I think it shows a lack of consideration and thought for the DD and the lies would really really piss me off. It is the DDs day not his and he has no right to ignore her wishes and go back on his word just because it suits him to save himself some money.

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