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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What's wrong with a tankini?

56 replies

baskingseals · 08/03/2011 17:57

9yo dd does swimming with the school for half a term each year. She has a hello kitty blue and red striped tankini. After swimming on Monday she told me that she had been told to wear a swimming costume, and she asked me why. I honestly couldn't answer her, and the more I think about this the crosser I get. What kind of message is the school giving? Am I really missing something here?

Would I be aibu to phone the school?

OP posts:
amothersplaceisinthewrong · 08/03/2011 18:59

Rules are rules and Uniforms are Uniforms. You can't have exceptions to them - otherwise everyone will want to be the exception. Tankinis are the thin end of the wedge.. from Tankini to crop top....

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 08/03/2011 19:02

You don't have to tell her why! Just say it's the school rule - end of.

PrettyCandles · 08/03/2011 19:02

For people whose dds have long torsos, try buying them halterneck swimsuits and stitch the strap ends together. It worked really well for me (and made it impossible for the boys to torment me by pulling bits of my swimsuit up or down).

MillyR · 08/03/2011 19:05

I cannot believe someone on MN is advising someone to change their daughter's clothes to avoid boys grabbing them. This certainly does not happen at DD's swimming lessons, and if it happens in other schools the boys behaviour needs sorting out.

It is fine for schools to say children must wear X and parents should abide by that. But some of the comments on here about children are disturbing.

hocuspontas · 08/03/2011 19:05

The only 'unfair' bit I came across in swimming was girls had to wear a swimming cap and boys didn't. Especially when some of the boys had longer hair than the girls!

hockeyforjockeys · 08/03/2011 19:08

houcuspontas The pool we use insists on caps for all - which is a barrel of laughs when you end having the ridiculous situation of a boy with a skinhead not being allowed in the poool, and having to deal with the irate parents afterwards.

PrettyCandles · 08/03/2011 19:27

Yes, of course the school must deal with this behaviour, but why should a girl not take action herself? Besides, when this was happening to me, part of the thrill for the boys was to do it without being spotted - I had no idea who was doing it, and was too embarrassed to make a fuss.

MillyR · 08/03/2011 19:29

You have got to be joking. Trying to pull the clothes off a girl is sexual assault. How can this be going on in a supervised swimming class in school time? Of course a 9 year old girl should not be altering what she wears in order to avoid sexual assault.

PrettyCandles · 08/03/2011 19:33

MillyR my ds's trunks have a firm 2cm wide elastic around the top, sometimes plus a tie to secure them even more. Tankini bottoms generally have a soft 7mm elastic around the top.

MillyR · 08/03/2011 19:37

None of DD's or DS's swimming bottoms match your descriptions.

I really do not know what is going on in your head to be suggesting that children's swimming costumes are going to be falling off them and that 9 year old boys frequently go around trying to pull girl's swimming costumes off.

Very disturbing.

PrettyCandles · 08/03/2011 19:41

It happened to me, 30something years ago. I doubt boys have changed much since then, but I sincerely hope teachers' vigilance and supervision have improved. Nonetheless, my experience influences my attitude and my desire to safeguard my dd.

BTW, whoever posted about their dd not yet being aware that bodies can be viewed sexually, neither is my 8yo dd. We have a very comfortable, relaxed attitude to domestic nudity, yet she is fully aware of the taboos against uncovering certain parts of her body outside our home or in the presence of 'outsiders'. I did not need to teach her this.

hardhatdonned · 08/03/2011 19:41

As an adult who can't swim because i wasn't allowed to wear a two piece swim suit - due to having a too long torso for a one piece and being too thin for a larger suit without it being indecent - i will be really really angry if my daughter is told she cannot wear a tankini to a school swimming lesson because it doesn't fit the school's regulations. Perhaps schools need to wisen up and realise girls are all kinds of shapes and sizes and perhaps commission school uniform swimsuits in two styles - a one piece or a tankini with shorts type two piece. Not entirely sure this isn't within their realms of capabilities!

tyler80 · 08/03/2011 19:41

I have no idea how boys/mens swimming trunks stay up but I know I can't swim in tankini/bikini bottoms without them slipping down if I push off from the wall too energetically.

PrettyCandles · 08/03/2011 19:46

Ohh, Milly! I'm not saying that.

Sometimes boys misbehave.

Sometimes inadequately secured swimwear can come off when the wearer moves through the water particularly fast, eg diving.

There is a difference in the strength of the waist elastics in the swimwear that I have seen.

shrinkingnora · 08/03/2011 20:04

The other week I had to tell a pupil that she needed to get a new swimming costume as she was wearing a bikini BUT she could not get it on or off by herself and the top repeatedly fell off causing her embarrassment. Also, there are plenty of 9 year olds who have hit puberty as a previous poster mentioned and some swimming costumes would be inappropriate for them.

Where do they swim? If it is a local pool rather than a school pool this could be their rules - DD has to wear a swimming hat during school lessons at the local council pool.

By the way, DD also has a very long torso (lots of problems with gaping legs or her practically bent double by a too short costume) and I have just bought her one in asda that fits brilliantly. Was also only a few pounds.

beanlet · 08/03/2011 20:08

Yep. There's a reason Olympic swimmers wear one-piece suits (or did before the recent fetish for all-over body suits to enhance their stream-lining). It's because two-piece bottoms can fall off when you swim fast. Don't ask me why men's speedos don't fall off, because I don't know. But two-piece bottoms do (this is the voice of experience speaking. . . )

altinkum · 08/03/2011 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
baskingseals · 08/03/2011 21:24

Why should I lie to her, especially over something that I think is wrong?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 08/03/2011 21:26

You don't have to lie to her. Just tell her it's school policy.

Original poster
baskingseals · 08/03/2011 21:34

Ok worra point taken, but she will still ask me why. I'm not precious at all, but I don't often lie to her, I don't see why school policy should put me in the position of having to.

they should be able to swim in bikini bottoms if they want to. ffs they are still children - it's the local high school swimming pool - I think the school should get over themselves, not me

OP posts:
annielouisa · 08/03/2011 21:53

OP does the school have a ubiform policy? My primary school age DGC school has a uniform list and one piece swimming suit is on the list for girls.

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 08/03/2011 22:40

Basking - she's 9. It's a bit naive to say they are still children. A lot of girls are starting their periods at 9 and developing breasts. They can hardly have a rule that determines it's OK for flat chested girls to wear just bottoms but developing girls must wears tops now can they? One rule for all is much easier.

I agree that Tankinis are great, but, at the same time if it's school policy for the girls to wear a one piece, £4 at Asda isn't going to break the bank.

The school aren't forcing you to lie to her, just tell her it's School Policy - if she asks why you can honestly say 'I don't know' - because, to be honest, you don't know.

TheSecondComing · 08/03/2011 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/03/2011 23:25

I came on this thread just to await Bonsoir's response.

Bringonthegoat · 08/03/2011 23:29

Agree with all who said it's school's rules - end of matter.

Cross? Over reaction to non-issue.