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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To return to work after ML with no intention of staying

53 replies

Ieattoomuchcake · 08/03/2011 16:13

I am due to return to work in two months. I don't really want to go back but had convinced myself that I couldtry a three day week. Work have refused my request for a three day week but said I can do a four day week. I took advice on this and my solicitor told me I would have grounds for appeal, as they haven't given sufficient grounds for the refusal. For various reasons I don't want to go down the legal route.

So my plan is to go back for a month then hand in my notice. This month together with my notice period and accrued holidays will ensure I don't have to pay back enhanced maternity pay.

So, DD will have two weeks settling in at nursery and then 1-4 months actually at nursery depending whether my work want me to work my notice or not. I will have earned a decent amount of money and won't have to pay back the enhanced Mat pay.

If I can find another job 2-3 days a week I'll do that and DD will stay at nursery. If not I may have to take her out of nursery entirely depending on financials.

Does this sound bad? Bad for DD? Bad to my work (who I don't have much sympathy for based on them breaking the law re flexible working request- they do know the law and I'm fairly certain are deliberately flouting it because they know I wont kick up a stink)?

Anything ive not thought of?

OP posts:

nenevomito · 08/03/2011 20:38

I hope not :(

nenevomito · 08/03/2011 20:38

Probably not though as we got our response checked by HR before it went out.

ShavingGodfreysPrivates · 08/03/2011 20:40

Meant to add I'm curious as to why "for various reasons I don't want to go down the legal route" and that your employers know you 'won't kick up a stink'

nenevomito · 08/03/2011 20:46

Asking MN to delete my comment just in case though as no way going to get involved on here. Hiding the thread too!

Original poster

Ieattoomuchcake · 08/03/2011 20:49

babyheave I'm not your colleague. So you can relax!!

But how would your colleague just returning for a few months cause you more grief than them not returning at all? If I told them now that I wasn't going back, they would have two months notice ( or would I still need to serve my three months notice, so go back for a month??), but if j go back then hand in my notice after a month or so they still get three months notice.

It is a tough one. And in the unlikely event I go back and it's ok, I will stay. But I really don't think that will happen.

I'm slightly anxious now about giving out too much info!!
Doubt my boss reads MN but who knows...

OP posts:

ShavingGodfreysPrivates · 08/03/2011 20:52

Ieat

Is it a small company you work for?

Could I ask why you are so reluctant to go down the legal route and why your boss is so sure you will not persue an appeal?

kitkat1000 · 08/03/2011 21:07

i used to work full time and returned after my children on 3 days a week. Initially my boss didn't want me to go p/t but since my colleagues all worked various hours from 2-4 days, she couldn't argue with me asking for 3 as others were doing the same (as doing the same job - could have looked like favouritism). She realised this and gave in. However i too would have appealed. Can you possibly do 3 long days and not 4? If not, I would not worry about doing what you said at all - and as for others being critical - thats unnecessary pressure! They can refuse hours for a given reason but if others are already doing the same then thats unfair. personally though, for the hassle of putting your daughter in child care and then maybe taking her out later, i would leave and offer to pay back the money on a pre-set amount (about £5 week would be my suggestion!) I have seen lots of people go through HR and they always seem to side with the boss.

nora12 · 08/03/2011 21:18

I think it's fair enough. Do what's best for you. You can always go down the line of "I thought it would work, but it isn't". I need to find something 2-3 days. That way, it hopefully won't affect your reference.

You haven't committed a terrible crime by having a child - the fact that the system works against you is not your fault.

Yes some colleagues may get annoyed - but they may well do the same in a year or two's time.

Re nursery - they are incredibly flexible at this age. Don't worry at all. Mine had a lot of changes due to family illness and I think it was all a positive experience for her.

She ended up at two nurseries at one point - she had been looked after by her father, me and my mum up to that point but due to family illness ended up in two different nurseries for a few months.

She looks back at them fondly remembering the different friends she made.

Magicjamas · 08/03/2011 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Magicjamas · 08/03/2011 21:31

This reply has been deleted

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ShavingGodfreysPrivates · 08/03/2011 21:34

but I don't honk

So it's not your personal hygiene that's an issue then?

kitkat1000 · 08/03/2011 21:34

can they refuse to add on your parental leave - thought it was up to you when you take it?

TheSleepFairy · 08/03/2011 21:36

Why do you feel a bit guilty & lazy about wanting to be a sahm?

Nothing lazy about my day!!

I worked full time then part time after DD1 was born.
DD2 came along & I planned to do exactly the same as you, DD2 hated nursery & screamed till she was sick every morning for 3 weeks & then settled down.

I stayed on at work because I felt guilty for putting her through those 3 weeks to pull her back out after 8 weeks.

DD3 came along & I worked my notice - holidays & then left.

I've been a sahm for 2 years & I love it, the only guilt I feel is not being able to be around for DD1 & 2 in these early years.

Original poster

Ieattoomuchcake · 08/03/2011 21:42

Sorry sleepfairy I am not meaning to offend anybody. I know it's an irrational guilt. I think that part of me feels paid work is more valuable and 'proper work'. That's just a hang up about myself and I'm sure you're on the go all day. Especially with three. Respect!

And part of my reason for thinking the four days won't work is because I think I will be constantly chasing my tail so in some ways being home with DD would be 'easier'. Though probably much more full on.

OP posts:

PercyPigPie · 08/03/2011 21:42

Don't feel guilty. They wouldn't feel guilty about making you redundant (and they appear to have done just that by re-distributing your work, but have not offered a payment as it would be too risky with your maternity). You could request voluntary redundancy.

ShavingGodfreysPrivates · 08/03/2011 21:44

Am I wearing the cloak of invisibility here

BabyGiraffes · 08/03/2011 21:46

My advice would be to have a back up plan eg a job offer unless you really do want to be a SAHM. I went back full time after dd1 because I felt they were trying to push me out while I was on maternity leave. Was made redundant a year later. Lovely. Found out a week later I was expecting dd2... couldn't get a new job with a bump (wonder why...) and have been a SAHM for 18 months, somewhat imposed on me against my will. Totally unable to find a new job because I am too old, too expensive, too many kids (Bitter, me?).
Very best of luck to you! oh, and a four day week is rubbish. It means working full time but getting paid less. Very good for the company of course.

Original poster

Ieattoomuchcake · 08/03/2011 21:49

shaving I think you would call it a medium sized company. They employ about 250 people. Don't think that would be classed as a small business but I'm not sure of definitions etc so don't shoot me if I'm wrong.

I am really spooked about the thought of somebody from work reading this so scared to give too much detail. They 'know' I won't kick up a stink (I think) because they know my personality (have worked for boss for ten years) and because it's quite a close knit sector and I don't want branded a trouble maker.

If I do go back then leave I will just say I gave it my best shot but it's just not working for my family. Which will I think give me less of a 'bad name' than pushing the flexible working procedure.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ieattoomuchcake · 08/03/2011 21:51

Sorry shaving x post I wasn't ignoring you. Honest. Just Divided my post into two.

Forgive me?

OP posts:

ShavingGodfreysPrivates · 08/03/2011 21:52

Ah right, thanks for answering.

When I said small business I was thinking more along the lines of 20 people or less.

I would still be tempted to appeal as I hate anyone thinking they've got away with stitching me up but I can appreciate you might not want to make waves if it's a close knit sector.

ShavingGodfreysPrivates · 08/03/2011 21:53

Forgiven :)

amidaiwish · 08/03/2011 21:53

seriously ask for voluntary redundancy
if not available then ask for EML to be granted without you returning

if both are nos, then "give it a go" on 4 days and leave with your head held high.

but do ask for the above, i bet you will get it and so much easier on everyone involved!

Original poster

Ieattoomuchcake · 08/03/2011 21:54

babygiraffes that's one of my big reservations about the four day week. I'm fairly certain they will expect me to fit my 'old' five day a week job into four without any reduction in workload. And I just won't have time to do extra in evenings etc. And I refuse to do work on the precious three days I'll be off work.

OP posts:

TheSleepFairy · 08/03/2011 23:07

cake I'm not offended but it does sound to me like you are in the a perfect situation to cut back & stay at home whilst your DD is so young.

Leave the company on very good terms with an "I'll be back" attitude & stay at home looking after your daughter.

I'm not sahm mafia as I have been a working mum as well but if you have the opportunity & finances to care for your DD I'd say do it!!

Being there & having the time to teach her lot's of new things is priceless imo & it doesn't last for ever, my 9y old doesn't listen to a word I say these days

Magicjamas · 09/03/2011 07:31

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