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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel BIL and his wife have completely taken the piss?

18 replies

Bottleofbeer · 08/03/2011 09:47

A few weeks ago my husband (whose day job is a college lecturer - it's relevent - he can only take holidays during college holidays)did almost a week's worth of work at his brother's house saving him almost 2000 pounds he'd been quoted by another contractor. He did this during half term. BIL cried poverty and complained the damp they were fixing was causing a terrible smell in the house etc... My husband did this work for free (which I don't agree with, family or not it's still that person's living and if you want a week of their time there should at least be a token payment, for instance I wouldn't expect a free lift from a taxi driver member of the family because it's their job, their livelihood, they've often refused payment but I'd certainly not expect it for free).

It annoyed me a bit because if he wasn't even earning for working during that week it's a week where we could have spent time together as a family. At a time we could really use it with general marital issues (but that's another story)

Anyway, one of those things. I let it go and didn't say anything.

Until last weekend I logged into Facebook to see photos of them out on a family shopping trip, proudly showing off their bags of shopping - it wasn't exactly Primarni if you know what I mean. I humphed a bit about this and muttered to myself about "so much for the terrible poverty you where whining about" but pretty much let that go too.

Today I just saw photos of a family weekend in some posh bloody hotel that according to status comments was a "last minute thing, we decided to get away for a few days".

Wish we could afford designer shopping trips and nice holidays...!

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 08/03/2011 09:49

Your DH should have charged them for the work.

squeakytoy · 08/03/2011 09:50

I do not understand why your husband did the work for free?

Why did he not quote them a price and say he could do it cheaper than their original quote?

Yes they have taken the piss, but not so much if your husband offered to do it for free in the first place.

Bottleofbeer · 08/03/2011 09:50

I know! I told him this but he wouldn't have it "but it's familyyyyyyyyyyy". Yeah true, do it at a discount rate but not completely free!

OP posts:
Bottleofbeer · 08/03/2011 09:51

He didn't offer, he was asked.

OP posts:
Sparklyblue · 08/03/2011 09:51

Yes, he has took the piss big time, tell your husband, no more freebies.

BuzzLiteBeer · 08/03/2011 10:12

Blame your husband, he's the one who did the work for free, more fool him.

Bottleofbeer · 08/03/2011 10:44

Of course he's a fool for doing it for free! he seems to think it's somehow tight to charge family.

I still can't help feeling pissed off that BIL clearly isn't as poverty stricken as he makes out yet didn't even offer a token payment. Mind you, I suppose it this kind of thing that enables him to have enough disposable cash.

Husband really can't see my point over this and I suppose I wanted some validation that I wasn't being a tight cow for thinking he should have charged at least mates rates. A day helping out here and there, yeah ok, fair enough but this was the best part of a week and it benefitted us in no way at all. At least if he takes on work during his holiday time there is usually a financial benefit.

OP posts:
EldritchCleavage · 08/03/2011 10:47

I have to disagree with you and agree with your husband. I'd never charge immediate family.

Bottleofbeer · 08/03/2011 10:56

I understand some people wouldn't ever charge family. To flip this on it's head a bit when my husband was a self employed contractor and needed a bit of help he'd often ask this brother - and pay him a full day rate (the same he charged himself).

I could say that he should have done it for free, being immediate family and well, he did need the help. Thing is we're not well off, and in doing work for his brother he'd turned down work he could have charged for. But yeah, that's his fault. I just think his brother is a pisstaker.

OP posts:
frgr · 08/03/2011 10:58

but Eldritch, it's very good that you're in a position to be able to work for free for a week and still have enough holidays to cover any childcare issues and possibly (shock horror) spend some quality time with your family...

but there is a lot of us for whom the cost of opportunity, of lost income for a week, is too high. it simply can't be done in some households, no matter how people may feel about charging their families for things.

one of my siblings is in a trade, and gets sick of people asking for favours, whilst being unwilling to compensate for time lost when other paid work should be done. in fact there was one aunt who even objected sniffily to the "high cost" of the materials used in her bathroom, despite being warned about the rough cost (to within a hundred quid or so in a two grand job) and getting the actual labour for free.

people who don't value other people's work are usually the pickiest, hardest to please ones.

acknowledgement of the cost of opportunity to the OP's husband is the least those people could do.

mollymole · 08/03/2011 11:01

can you send him a bill, saying 'oops sorry, forgot about this - please settle asap '

EldritchCleavage · 08/03/2011 11:01

Fair enough FRGR.

Also, in my family, the favour would be returned promptly in kind, so the childcare would be sorted out, or a holiday or treat offered or something, so that it all evened out. It sounds as though there is no reciprocity between these brothers. If one has always paid the other, then the other should work on the same footing, and not expect work done for free.

slhilly · 08/03/2011 11:10

Isn't it appropriate for your DH to simply ask your BIL to explain why they were paying to stay at a posh hotel given that they'd asked him to do work for free for a week because they couldn't afford to pay someone?

Bottleofbeer · 08/03/2011 11:16

Slhilly, I'd love him to do that! and I'm laughing at the idea of sending a bill!

Oh well, no biggie I suppose, what's done is done but in future I'm going to put my foot down (read: stamp my feet a bit and say NOOOOOOOOOO)2k of work done for the cost of materials, can't be bad eh?!

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 08/03/2011 12:02

I wouldn't charge my brother for helping him out, but I would fit it in around paid work (so evenings and weekends). I wouldn't turn down paid work, so I think your DH is at fault for agreeing to that when hi is not in a financial position to be able to do so.

I agree that your BIL is taking the piss though. Fair enough if he was genuinely skint, but to say it and for it not to be true is really not on. With that in mind, I would send him a bill.

Live and learn OP. In future tell your DH that he is not to do it for free for his brother. Remind him that his brother was happy to take his money in the past when he helped your DH out.

JaxTellersOldLady · 08/03/2011 12:08

agree with Karma helping out is fine and I do this for family when I can, but it has to fit in around paid work.

Your BIL is taking the piss a bit, although it is up to your husband to sort out payment with his brother.

I would be having a conversation with your DH so that it is clear in future when someone else wants a freebie.

solooovely · 08/03/2011 12:35

I think it if had been a days work then fair enough it's a favour but a week is taking the piss. Your husband obviously doesn't agree though.

I would be temped next time I saw BIL to mention a few things. How lucky they are to be able to go out shopping and away for weeks. Say you don't have the money and DH has no holiday left from work etc. It wouldn't be that suble I suppose but would make me feel better.

iscream · 08/03/2011 12:47

Obviously your husband is the better man. Next time your husband needs some help, I hope he doesn't offer or agree to pay his brother.
I do agree your bil is a cheap stake.

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