To feel a bit down by this mum

[bitletdown]

She offered to walk my DS to school for me. I work and was having to use a childminder that he hated.
I mentioned this in passing and she said it was silly, and that as she and her DS, who live on the same road and are in the same class walk that way that she would take my son for me.

I hate putting on people and said that i didnt want to put her out.. but that i would return the favor when i could. We did a trail run day and then she said it was fine and to stop being silly and that she wouldnt have offered if she didnt want to do it.

They went back to school last week. I was able to do the morning school run 3 out of 5 days. And then she did it today.
I asked her in the playground how it went and she said fine, but then called me later to say that i was not to take offence but she couildnt do it anymore as it seems our boys are just not getting on.

I had literally just cancelled the childminder. and i feel so let down.

Now i need to call her back up and sort it all out again and tell ds that hes not walking with tthem any more and is back with the childminder.

AIBU?
and i feel abit hurt too.

maybe she realised it was too big a commitment ? what if she was ill or her DS and not going to school? then what?

I honestly think, that if you need regular child care/school runs/pick ups etc, the best way to work it, is with a paid professional who has a contract.. with friends/family, so much potential for annoyance and upset and being let down.

at least she's told you now, and hopefully if you've only just cnacelled cm, you can get him straight back in

I think I would see what more you can glean from your ds.

You can't make her take him, but it does seem a little unreasonable.

maybe find a new CM if DS does not like this one

YANBU to feel let down but imo these informal set ups never work brilliantly, you are best to keep childcare formal.

I can imagine her posting on here saying something like, "my ds hates the boy we walk to school with etc...." and getting the advice to dump asap.

She decided on the basis of one go?

I suppose it's up to her, but tbh, unless your child is puredivilspawn, (which I'm presuming isn't the case! ) then she sounds a bit of a drip.

You're probably better off with a more official arrangement. Think about what you'd have to do when her child was ill and she let you down last minute etc.

Hope your childminder is OK about it!

I do feel sorry for you btw, childcare is always a pain in the bum.

YANBU - I'd be irritated that she'd thrown in the towel so early, I'd also be curious as to what happened. If she is normally a sane sort I'd quiz her about how exactly the boys didn't get on - were punches thrown? swear words cast? Unless the walk to school is really long why do they even have to talk to each other if they don't like each other?

A bit odd and yes annoying.

I don´t think that she has let you down tbh.

She probably didn´t think that you would cancel the cm straight away.

Def more to it than she's letting on.There must have been a big 'incident'or something.

That was my inital worry. I did say to her that i dont like relying on people and that its a big committment and only if she was really sure.
I orignally said maybe only 2 days a week and it was her that said she would do the whole week.

Ive always had paid childcare, for years and years, because i learnt the hard way when DS was very little.

Of course i understand, they arent getting on, that is obvious. But i just feel let down. She shouldnt have offered and kept offering if she didnt want to, you know.

and now im put back in the position of having to grovel to the childminder, who i only told last night.

( no other childminder places in the area)

DS has told me this morning that her DS grabbed his hood yesterday.
and i did witness at a party on sat that her ds biffed mine on the head with an ben10 thingy and refused to say sorry.
and then walked past and hit my ds.

But this DS is down as being very shy and senstive and is having a few problems settling in at school.

The mum said walking with my ds probably isnt helping.

My ds is loud and maybe a little overconfident. but not mean.

Mean of her. I wouldn't do that. If it seemed the boys weren't getting on marvellously, she could have persevered for a few weeks and then given you a couple of weeks' grace to find another arrangement.

sounds like she and her DS have issues that she needs to concentrate on , maybe she thought them walking together would help her DS with his shyness, and it's not worked out and therefore she has had to retract her offer

again, this is why friends getting invovled in regualr child care is a bad idea

can you start work a bit later so that you can take oyur DS ? is there a breakfast club that would allow you to drop him before work? is there anyway to rearrange your work day so that you can do drop off? can your partner?

Well it does sound as if she didn´t realise how hard it would be until she tried-and how could she?

Rather say no now than carry on & struggle & rissk something bad happening?

If you knew that her son had hit yours, why did you ever agree?

lone parent and unflexiable working times.
meh

no space in the breakfast club.

like i said. i totally understand.
I just feel pissed off about it.

I asked so many people what i should do about it, because my inital reaction was to say no. Because things like this always happen. Everyone said not to be so silly and accept help.

So i did

and get let down after a week.

:(

ok, well put your DS name down for breakfast club, grovel to CM and try to move forward. i do understand why you feel let donw, but i an see her side too

i only saw that saturday. she did one trail morning before half term and said it was fine.

then 2 mornings last week, and yesterday morning.

i dont really think either of us knew that they didnt really get on. but they only started school in jan, so they probably didnt realise they didnt get on. We have had him to play here and mine has been to hers to play. Neither of us had any issues then.

i wont fall out with her.
and i do understand.

but i still feel crap about it.
and crap for ds. its the messing him about that im upset about.

YANBU to feel let down but the others are right, she obviously can't handle the two boys together and although it's a PITA for you, better and safer that your DS has proper care walking to school.

YANBU to feel let down, especially considering how may times you checked and re-checked with her that it would be okay. Also, as a mother herself, she must know that these kind of commitments need to be honoured, especially when you're letting go of an employee in the process (which, obviously, she would have known about).

You need to get something more formal in place. At least you can take some learning from this - she can't be relied on, so be careful with how much you depend on her with regards to ANYTHING else...

i know. Shes a nice lady really. and i totally understand.
I would probably do the same. except i wouldnt offer in the first place, unless i knew without fail i would be able to do it.
Because i know how much of a stress it can cause.

Literally i had until this morning to sort something else out.