to not know what to do next

[Mrswhiskerson]

i am not sure where to start , i have a seven month ds and i did have post natal depression but when my dh develpoed depression (he gets regularish bouts) i kind of swept my feelings under the carpet.

I have had a great but stressful year i bought a house got married and had a bay within the space of eight months and i also got redeployed into a job i have absolutely no qualifications for or experience in i thought i was doing well and i was so proud of myself for getting a good job but when i got to work this morning i got a roasting because i keep making basic mistakes and i dont feel i can learn to do this job in t5he time they need and i am going to lose it and be put back into a care position.
i feel such a failure i had wanted for years to get outy of care work and now im having to go back after feeling so proud of my new great job.
to top it off im sure the pnd is rearing its head again and i feel like i want to just run away .
i have to go to work tommorow and i cant face it since i burst into tears this morning and i just know people will think i cant cut it .
we have so many huge bills too its all getting too much i dont know where to turn or whatb to do next.
sorry about the really long post .

Ok lets break it down.

What are they asking you to do?
Why do you feel it's out of your capabilities?

What kind of help is your dh having?
What kind of help are you having?
Is there anyone who can give you both a break?

If the bills are too much then maybe you can ring some and ask to make smaller payments over a longer time? I have never in my life had a company say no if I have offered a reasonable amount.

The house, baby, marriage - all the biggest stress triggers, GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK! Anyone would need a less stressful life whilst getting over all of that!

Can you book some time off work a week or two of doing nothing much would do the world of good.

yep... what she said!

talk to your employers, ask them how they think you can improve and ways of helping you remember the things you're not doing properly.

what help is your dh getting? is he supportive of you?

What training have you had in your new job? Do you need more?
Can you speak to your immediate supervisor about it all?

Hey sorry things are getting you down.

Have they given you training in your new job? If not ask for it, always better to ask how to do things rather than getting them wrong. Write yourself notes that does help so you can refer back to them.

If the depression is coming back get yourself down to the doctors so you can start being treated.

Things will seem far worse than what they are when you have depression. If your debts are not manageable consider an IVA and get rid of them in five years, means no more debt but that's not a bad thing.

I was meant to get training but it hasnt surfaced yet , the job involves a lot of maths and i am terrible at maths but good at english and computers .It is such a fast paced job that they need someone who can just come in and do it and it will take me months to learn .I thought i could do it but everything in my office just keeps piling up. I have spoke to my supervisor who is lovely but she doesnt feel confident in my abilities re the maths side and i dont blame her maths is something i just cant do .
Money we have had a huge gas bill that i have had to pay with my credit card and the council messed up our payments and now we owe them a couple of hundred which they want right now .We have literally nothing left in the bank after essentials.
My dh is getting better but im scared my depression is going to set him off again .
I dont know if i should go into work tommorow half of me wants to hide under the duvet for a while and the other half doesnt want to put even more work onto my already overworked colleugues .

ok well can you use a calculator?? or do you already?
i would speak to your supervisor again and explain that you really want to keep your job but you're worried that work is piling up and that you need a bit of help until you're on top of it... just see what she suggests.

i would advise speaking to someone like cccs who offer FREE debt advice.
I would also speak to the council again and say that you will pay the money but you will not be doing it in one go as you simply don't have the funds, and ask them to set up a payment scheme.

you shouldn't be putting your dh's health above yours. you BOTH suffer from depression, you BOTH need taking care of. I hope that you are both getting help for it? in fact, may I suggest that you see your GP tomorrow? call in to work sick and go and talk to them about it

you know, if you get the depression sorted I am entirely convinced that the job and money worries will be a LOT more manageable

oh and ask about the training again!

thisisyesterday i do use a calculator but it is all the things that go with it ssb forms petty cash and it to chilll get my head together then see what is next other funds tbh the person before me left the office a mess and although my supervisor has said i can ask her for help she is always busy . The more i think about it the more i think it is very unfair the way i have been treated .
i have been to the docs today he has diagnosed me with acute anxiety and is going to arrange counselling for me.
tbh at the minute i feel everything is falling apart around me and my confidence is shot to pieces , i have two weeks off and im going to use to chill and get my head together,
the council will not accept any payment plans they say they need it right now as it is the end of the financial year.

Unless you lied about your skills and experience when the role was discussed it is definitely your management's responsibility to get you up to speed with the requirements of the new role (congrats btw).

You may not want to make an issue of it but written evidence that you have requested training or mentoring or some other support and that it's not forthcoming could save you a headache in the future.

When discussing this with your boss / HR / whoever, be specific about what skills or training you feel you need and how NOT getting it is affecting your ability to perform your role, and that this is something you are very concerned about etc etc. Basically raise it as an issue and ask for a plan with timescales for how they intend to deal with it. You can do this assertively but in a non-confrontational way. it's really the only professional response to your situation.

As someone who has managed large depts in the past I can assure you managers know it is their responsiility to ensure their staff have the resources they need to be effective in their jobs. You are not doing yourself a favour by keeping quiet, even if you feel you're a pain by keeping raising it, make sure they realise it's their problem!

Good luck.

Also, don't pay any attention to the council. Their mistake so they can wait. Speak to the Citizens Advice Bureau or another org that give free debt advice for their take on it if you want an official opinion. Unfortunately the council will say this a few times in case they can bully you into paying up immediately - everyone is treated as being "at it" because unfortunately some folk are.

my dh phoned the council a few weeks ago to tell them we had moved house and to set up a direct debit which they did not do and they say they have no record of it but i was there when he rang , they have said if we do not pay it before the end of march we will get a court order and have to pay court costs it is really stressing us out as we have always kept on top of bills and because of other peoples mistakes we are now in debt and with no money to pay it at the minute.

when i had my interview i was totally honest i said i had no qualifications in buisness admin (i have been a care assistant for ten years ) but that i am very good with people and computers which my supervisor has confirmed , they did not tell me there was a large amount of maths in the job or invoices or oracle orders i basically thought it was answering phones typing things up and customer service .
i have emails saved in my outbox requesting training since the start of my job , my trial ends at the end of this month and with me having an anxiety disorder im terrified im going to end up with no job and no prospects for the future .

It sounds like it's not necessarily maths / arithmetic that's the issue. It's more like office procedures, and even if you'd done a similar role for another organisation you'd still need training in "how we do it here".

If you feel up to it, it could be in your favour to raise the training issue before your official review. I often frame things as "if you're not the person who can help resolve this issue please let me know". Bit passive-aggressive but it means they are more likely to respond as non-response implies they accept it's their responsibility, ha ha.

I don't have any useful advice on your anxiety except (in my case) ignoring an issue always makes me feel worse and dealing with it, or deciding there's a way to deal with it, makes me feel better. It's a bit of a control thing I suppose.

Anyway good luck . As another poster said, try to deal with one thing at a time i.e. what's today's priority? Some people find that writing a list of things to do and prioritising them (today / this week / this month) can help as well, once written down they no longer have to be remembered in your head so it can feel a bit easier. Plus you get to tick things off. If trying this, break tasks down so rather than a general item like "sort things with work" write down a few smaller, more specific tasks about what you'll do.

I had never set foot in an office til six weeks ago and was pretty much thrown in the deep end , i will do what you say once my head is sorted a bit , at the minute im to prone to bursting into tears it happened at work and i cringe to think about it .
I have been put on sertraline and have been refferred to a counsellor .
thanks for the great advice i am a list person and i think breaking it all down will really help instead of seeing everything as one huge overwhelming problem .

Send the council a series of post dated cheque, so they can pay them in on dates that suit you.

Send it recorded delivery and keep a copy of the letter (and the cheques, if possible). They might not like it, but will settle for it as they know they'll get their money.

I know that's only one element of your problem, but am trying to help you take small steps.

They'd never get a Court Order if you do that, no Court would grant an order if they held post dated cheques.

Anyway, it takes ages to get to that stage of court proceedings, so don't think it's automatic if you don't pay by the end of the month.

Mrs W, I don't want to sound pessimistic, but maybe this job isn't for you?

I worked with Social Services for years, but then decided to try something new (the Probation Service). Basically the job was NOT what I expected and I bloody hated it. I stuck it out for 6 months but concluded that, it really wasn't for me.

I took a similar post to my old SS role and loved it, I realised then how stressed out and run down the new Probation job had made me feel.

I really hope you have a satisfactory outcome, it's shit when your job makes you feel inadequete x

the job probably isnt for me but i dont have a clue what to do next, i couldnt face doing care again , Im not sure what to go for , i am writing a book but i know there is a slim chance of it being successful so im not pinning my hopes on that . I would love to go to college or uni though i am going to speak to someone about how it would work around my ds and money etc.

I will look into the post dated cheques , that could work .
Thanks everyone for being so kind and for the great practical advice , it means a lot .