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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel gutted that at 33 I may never work again?

42 replies

NettoSuperstar · 07/03/2011 16:39

Long story short, I have severe asthma, and because of it, am prone to chest infections. I also have lung damage from precious infections and was hospitalised twice last year.

I've had a CI for the last month, 3 lots of AB's and now it's cleared, am still suffering from post infection wheeze, and bruised ribs. I was at OOH on Saturday with this.

I went to see GP today, who has signed me off for 4 weeks, and has said that he doubts I'll be able to work again, the prognosis for the future doesn't look good.

I will be seeing my specialist next month, but as this is the third long time sick leave in under a year, and I know myself I'm not well, I can't see me working again either.

I'm gutted.
I love my job, really love it, well, not the job but the people I work with.

I'm only 33, I feel far too young to never work again, and I don't want to have to be a life long non worker.
I don't know what I'll do with my time, or how I'll motivate myself, or how I'll live with nothing but me and the four walls during the day.

I'm really devastated.

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 07/03/2011 16:56

Really sorry to hear that you are so unwell. I have no advice except to say that nothing is set in stone and sometimes doctors are wrong, so don't give up hope just yet.

Perhaps you will be unable to work for a while, but there may be something new in the future.

Original poster
NettoSuperstar · 07/03/2011 17:01

I wish the Doctor was wrong, but I don't think so this time.
I know myself I'm not well, but hate admitting it. I get quite cross when people dare to call me ill, or refer to my illness.
I'm finding it so hard to accept, I can't imagine never working again.

I'm gutted, really gutted.

OP posts:
risingstar · 07/03/2011 17:02

wait and see what consultant says. what does you employer say/what is their attitude? tbh there may be ways that you can work , maybe not full time. i have a colleague who is disabled by asthma. she reduced her hours right down to 2 days a week and managed that quite well-esp as the days are flexible - as long as she does 8 per month all is fine- once yoy factor in hols and stuff she copes well.

Politixmum · 07/03/2011 17:19

Ask your employers if they can make 'reasonable adjustment' (this is what they are obliged to do by law, and as you say they are nice people I am sure they will do what they can) and keep you in the job. As risingstar says - think about part time work. Think about what you might be able to do from home, with internet links? Is that possible in your job?

Is the ashthma connected to conditions where you live? My DP had asthma when we lived in the Midlands but since we moved to a coastal city with much less pollution he has never had a problem.

MmeLindt · 07/03/2011 17:23

Sorry to hear this. I was hoping this would not be your thread.

Is there any way you can do part time work, or a different job? Or retrain to do something else?

Hopefully the cheese and choc that are on their way will help. ((hugs))

Original poster
NettoSuperstar · 07/03/2011 17:33

I already work part time, just 16 hours over three days.
No adjustments can be made realistically. I have to be on my feet all the time, I'm a cleaner, it's a physical job.
They (my employers) have been fine, great in fact, and I'm friends with my direct boss outside of work, but nothing can be done to facilitate me, the job can't be done sitting down, or from home.

They can't sack me, nor would they, but financially I can't continue when I'm off so frequently, and they can't keep me on when I'm not there.

MmeLindt, cheese helps everything!

OP posts:
Rhinestone · 07/03/2011 18:04

There WILL be something you can do. You sound like you want to work - is there anything you think you could do if you retrained?

Original poster
NettoSuperstar · 07/03/2011 18:05

'Is the ashthma connected to conditions where you live? My DP had asthma when we lived in the Midlands but since we moved to a coastal city with much less pollution he has never had a problem.'

Funnily enough, the GP spoke to me about that today.
He asked me if it was possible to move, as where I live (West Coast of Scotland)has a terrible asthma record, but I can't unfortunately.

OP posts:
compo · 07/03/2011 18:07

Agree that they're are more sedentary jobs you can do
like in a call centre maybe? Sitting at a desk all day?

Original poster
NettoSuperstar · 07/03/2011 18:09

Yes, I could do that more easily than I could do my job, but the commute would be longer, and of course, who on earth would employ me with my sickness record?

I wouldn't employ me!

OP posts:
KatyMac · 07/03/2011 18:09

DH has problems like this; you need a referral to Papworth - the Lung Defense clinic

They are totally fab

Original poster
NettoSuperstar · 07/03/2011 18:13

Where/what is Papworth?

OP posts:
HeartSkipsABeat · 07/03/2011 18:14

OMG! I'm so sorry :(

I'm sure there's SOMETHING you can do. Your employers are obliged (legally I think) to attempt to fit you into a more appropriate role (DH currently suffering poor health and will not be able to return to current post, but they HAVE to find him something else)

Alternatively can you look into something you can do at home?

KatyMac · 07/03/2011 18:17

here

I think there is another hospital in the north east that does the same thing

DH is treated quite aggressively - he is much older than you; but he has constant antibiotics, inhalers & regular IV antibiotics. He keeps antibiotics at home & can chose when to take them

PM me

AuntieMaggie · 07/03/2011 18:26

I'm so sorry to hear this :( I would too be devastated but don't give up hope just yet. There may be things you can do in the future such as retraining or volutary work.

If it is the case that you have to give up cleaning then try to use it as an opportunity to do something different. Is there something else you've wanted to do?

deepbreath · 07/03/2011 18:32

I am now 36 and have been written off work-wise for about 4 years now following a car accident. I'd had the same job for 10 years.

My advice to you would be to look at all of your options, and to see if there is anything that you can do rather than seeing all the things that you can't - you might be able to cope with doing a part time course at college, for example.

Although the doctors seem to be finding more things wrong with me as time passes, I hope to work again one day. I still have times when I get upset or angry about what has happened.

Original poster
NettoSuperstar · 07/03/2011 18:38

My employers can't make my job fit me. They'd love to too, I really am valued at work, and not just as a cleaner, as I'm great with the residents (I work in a Care Home).

KatyMac, I'm in Scotland, so nowhere near there unfortunately, and my case is a bit up in the air atm.
They have said brittle asthma, but as yet I have no formal diagnosis. They've not assessed the extent of the lung damage either, though they are fairly sure there is some.
I was on a ventilator last year, and it was touch and go for a few days, and though it's not happened again, I have had more episodes with CI's, and another hospital admission.

There's loads of things I'd love to do, all involve travel, F1, food or all three, but I doubt I could, and as I said, no one would employ me with my sickness record.

I have a life long illness, and I hate it.

OP posts:
Politixmum · 07/03/2011 19:08

OP, you are entitled to feel really miserable at the moment. Sad However, AuntieMaggie and deepbreath are right, your life is not over.

There may be jobs you could transfer to which would not involve moving around and cleaning but liaising with residents in care home? My Outlaws have (thankfully) just signed up to an agency which organises cleaning and shopping for them (Linkline - in West Midlands), perhaps you could do this co-ordination job in a similar agency? Even set one up?

How about retraining. I teach for the OU (although not in Scotland), and they offer lots of courses you can do part-time from your own home.

Alternatively, something more practical you could use in the future with your friends in the care home? Retraining in art therapy or reflexology or helping them choose and shop for clothes and gifts for family or indoor gardening or pottery? (I am just trying to think of lots of different things residents in care homes might like to do.)

Have a good grumble, then a Brew, and see if you can have a think about things you like to do that you could still do with the asthma. Also, if you can't move, are there things you can do which would make your environment better for you? Would it help if you take out the carpets in your home? Use bedding which is mite-free? (I am sure you have thought of and done all these things, just a suggestion in case.)

Hugs.

Original poster
NettoSuperstar · 07/03/2011 19:21

I can't really afford to mite free my home atm, but I am hoping to do that in the near future.

I think I'm just cross, I'm angry, I want to throw myself on the floor and shriek, 'why me', 'it's not my fault', and similar, but I know I can't.
I don't want to study, I want to work, people like me only study to avoid work, and to kid themselves they are doing 'something'

'Something' counts for nothing in the world of employment when you are a single parent with a life long illness and a terrible sickness record.

OP posts:
Politixmum · 07/03/2011 20:10

It's OK, throw yourself on the floor and have a good scream. It isn't your fault. It really isn't fair. Sad
Maybe you can study in order to work again another day.

Also, I just saw this organisation's details while looking at something different and I wondered if they can help you get better air quality where you live or know of funding which would help you get your home mite-free: Environmental Law Foundation.

Do you belong to a union? They might be able to give you some advice on ways of managing your work so you can still work? The PCS union or TUC might give you a bit of help even if you are not a member.

I'm sorry, it is tough when you want to work and the world seems to be going against you. I often want to throw myself at the floor and scream too, when the work I want to do gets blocked for bloody unfair reasons. Sometimes I do it for a little while. But I know I have to get up again and get on with things, for my family's sake and because you only live twice (once in your dreams).

hugs

Nataby · 07/03/2011 20:21

Sorry to see your asthma has been poorly controlled, however at 33, it's way too early considering all the alternative treatment available for managing asthma including COPD to say that you are permanently incapable of working.

Ask to speak to an occupational health advisor about what can be done to help. Employers are not allowed to ask about sickness now prior to employing you for this very reason, so please look into working in a sedentary role that does not require persistent changes in extreme temperature.

Original poster
NettoSuperstar · 07/03/2011 20:29

I can't throw myself down, I just want to!

I will be looking at every avenue. I will keep going, I want to work and if I can, I will.
I just hate having to face the thought that I'm so ill I never will.
I don't like being ill, and I won't accept it.

OP posts:
Melonballs · 07/03/2011 20:36

Have you checked that your Asthma is not exacerbated by any of the cleaning products? As a sufferer I find I have to avoid certain products as it brings on an attack. It can be odd stuff too (Lime juice Confused

mmsmum · 07/03/2011 20:38

I saw you work in a care home, do they have an activities co-ordinator? Maybe that's something you could do, it won't be as hard going as cleaning and you can sit down to do crafts etc and if you have a great relationship with residents I'm sure they would love you doing things with them!

QueenStromba · 07/03/2011 23:34

I'm really to hear about that. I've got asthma myself and am currently worried that my last chest infection gave me some permanent lung damage. Melonballs might be on to something with the cleaning products - I'm terrible after I've been spraying bleach. Something that would be worth doing is getting a new pillow and putting it in the freezer for a few hours every day to kill off the dust mites before they have a chance to poo too much (it's the poo that people are allergic to). Have you got good allergy meds? I'm on fexofenadine which is brilliant but for some reason most doctors haven't heard of it - I keep having to spell it when I change GPs and need to have it put on my repeat prescription list for the first time.