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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my husband is a bit odd?

24 replies

gallifrey · 07/03/2011 13:11

I am very lucky that my husband is brilliant, he is a fantastic Dad, he cooks on a regular basis and has a bloody good job too!

His parents came down yesterday to see us. They are very nice all be it a bit boring, bless them. He was doing a half marathon yesterday and they came to see him finish.
First of all they had been here for about a minute when he went for a shower (he had just been for a run, so fair enough!) then he went on the computer for about 1/2 hr down loading his run.

Then we had lunch, and 10 mins after getting back he decided to have an ice bath for 15 minutes, leaving his parents sitting downstairs (with me) and when he got out of the bath he went on the laptop to look up his race results.
Then they went home, without him actually speaking more than a few words to them the whole time they were here!

I felt obliged to sit with them and make the tea etc and our daughter was there too, apart from when she was upstairs throwing ice cubes at him lol!

AIBU to think this is a bit odd? They drove over 50 miles to see us and he really couldn't be bothered.

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 07/03/2011 13:19

He had just run 13 miles and it is natural he would do all the things he done, maybe if he does it again would be an idea not to let them come to watch.

I doubt they expected any more from him to be honest, they are his parents and probably know what he is like.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 07/03/2011 13:19

There's going for a run and then there's GOING FOR A RUN, lol.....I think I would feel the need to sit in a bath of ice cubes after a half marathon so no I dont think he was odd.....

isnt that men in general anyway?? MY DH used to frequently leave me talking to his dad about building and football whilst he buggered off...his excuse was he had heard it all before!!

As long as his parents werent bothered I wouldnt worry about it...hope his legs have recovered now

Iwantscallops · 07/03/2011 13:21

Have to agree with Fabby.

nectarina · 07/03/2011 13:25

My DP does this sort of thing and it winds me up - his parents are a pain to talk to e.g. "well we were talking to the neighbour and her cousin's niece... When we go round DP picks up a book or magazine and leaves me to the nodding politely. YANBU!

chumble · 07/03/2011 13:27

My Dh does this when his parents visit and travel over 300 miles to visit.

I have been stuck with them while he has gone to work as well.

TBH I wonder why I am with there son if this is how he treats his parents!

Original poster

gallifrey · 07/03/2011 13:28

True, I don't think they were bothered and he had just run 13 miles so fair enough, but he could have waited until they had gone home surely before he sat in a bath for 15 mins?
They never stay long anyway and his Dad doesn't like driving in the dark so they were gone by 5pm!

I didn't say anything to him about it, it just left me wondering if I should...

OP posts:

GloriaSmut · 07/03/2011 15:07

If it hadn't been that your dh had just run a half marathon I'd have agreed you were not BU. But I know from experience of those in our family who do triathlons/marathons and mahoosive long charity bike rides that actually, after this sort of event their heads are not yet back in the everyday world. You can take them for a cup of tea afterwards and you can drive them home, unload their equipment and have more tea. All the while they might well give the impression that they are communicating with you. But they aren't. Not really. And actually, I think this is an essential part of the winding down process.

I'm sure your dh's parents will have been pleased just to support him doing the run and probably don't think he is odd for concentrating on it afterwards.

Chil1234 · 07/03/2011 15:32

I think it's quite sweet that they're so comfortable in each other's affections that all they require for happiness is to be in the same building as each other...

diddl · 07/03/2011 15:37

I think the shower & ice bath not odd in the circs-and he couldn´t really take his parents with him!

But on the computer a bit rude imo-unless he also involved them.

wilbur · 07/03/2011 15:42

Dh used to do this - as soon as he was with them he reverted to teenage boy mode. When we were first together, we would go and visit them and he'd disappear. I'd find him, after 2 hours making conversation with the ILs on my own, asleep in bed upstairs. He doesn't do it any more, but I think a lot of men are like that with their parents, they just take them for granted, whether the've driven 50 miles or not.

melikalikimaka · 07/03/2011 15:50

DH used to do this all the time, I got mad usually.

I usually got shot down in flames if I told them anything about my kids etc. from the FIL, he would always tell me I was stupid. At least you haven't got opinionated PILs. All this happened while DH read all the papers!

This is typical male behaviour, it's not right and YANBU!

softpaw · 07/03/2011 15:54

perhaps next time,you could have the in laws on a day when he wasn't running??

Mymblesson · 07/03/2011 15:57

This is typical male behaviour

Oooh, is it?

Makes notes.

I've learned so much on MN about how men are supposed to behave. It's been really valuable.

melikalikimaka · 07/03/2011 15:59

Maybe you're the exception to the rule then!

Mymblesson · 07/03/2011 16:00

I wouldn't think so.

NormanTheForeman · 07/03/2011 16:03

I would think it acceptable that he had the shower and bath, but a bit rude that he went on the computer, when they were only visiting for a short time, and he could have done the computer stuff later.

My dh often sits reading the paper or goes upstairs to use the computer for hours at a time when his parents stay with us. Fortunately I get on well with them.

melikalikimaka · 07/03/2011 16:07

Here, here Norman, someone on my side.

softpaw · 07/03/2011 16:08

mymb..i agree..there is no TYPICAL male behaviour,nor a female one.yo get along together takes good and long conversation.i had a mother in law that didn't think i was good enough for her son.it was only through pointing out to my husband things she had said and done,that he began to realise just how mean she was being
it was hard for him,but he had The Conversation,and things eventually came good

RevoltingPeasant · 07/03/2011 18:15

I don't think it's typical male behaviour, more like typical runner's behaviour.

I ran my first half a few months back and I was so tired afterwards that the man at the finish line had to help me bend down to take the timing chip off my shoes!

Also stuff like ice baths can prevent injury and if he felt like he needed one then 'just leaving it for an hour' might actually be a really bad idea.

Also also, finding out your race time is like finding out whether you got the job after an interview! If he has been training for this for a while, it's a big achievement and naturally he wants to know how he did.

On the other hand, runners are a bit weird so maybe YANBU :)

Malificence · 07/03/2011 18:45

Typical male behaviour?
Err, no, typical selfish person behaviour more like.
Why do so many women like to infantalise men on here?
Is it easier than pulling them up on unacceptable behaviour within relationships?

Adversecamber · 07/03/2011 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TattyDevine · 07/03/2011 18:51

They probably weren't just there to see your husband though. You say he's a fantastic dad - you obviously have kids, their grandkids. Not to mention you, his wife, who they also have a valuable relationship with. I doubt they gave it a second thought.

Mumcentreplus · 07/03/2011 18:57

Seems rude mate..(racing excuses aside) it's quite normal to welcome a family member parents or not..odd..but maybe thats how his family works..

Skifit · 07/03/2011 18:58

Its not odd behaviour, he just wasnt that fussed bout seeing them, but more concerned that he had his ice bath. . .

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