To get angry when I see the same old faces

[lilsmate]

telling people that post with DH problems to "leave the twat"

Yanbu. I dont like the one-size-fits-all approach to relationship advice displayed by certain regulars on the Relationships Board.

You are entitled to feel however you want to.

I personally don't care who posts what. If the same people are posting the same things to people who describe similar situations, then at least they are consistant.

Anyway - perhaps if we all had a zero tolerance approach to bad, mean, poor or disrespectful treatment of us, we would all be the happier for it.

Yes there are a lot of posters who fail to uderstand that life is not black and white and that you cannot judge an entire relationship on the basis of one thread.

however, if they are saying what they think they would do in a similar sutiation then that is fair enough.

its the ones who come on and berate the op when she says she doesnt' want to leave that piss me off.

Leave the twat.

This thread is boring, I suggest we all... leave.

Isn't it part of what makes Mumsnet ... Mumsnet?

Angry maybe overstating it - but I do get that sinking feeling every time I see a "leave the twat" answer on AIBU when it is over something as simple as the op's partner has dared to stay out beyond 9 pm with his mates.

I never go on the Relationships boards as I'd probably be tearing my hair out.

The Relationships boards are depressing to read if you're a bloke, for a variety of reasons.

However, I wouldn't say I've noticed much knee-jerk 'leave him' responses except in the case of Domestic Violence, which is absolutely right.

why does it depress a bloke, mym ?

So many twatty men

correct answer

But there is also some sterotyping, ie 'men are like this' 'men do that', as though we're all the same.

true, but I find most stereotyping comes from the "men are useless at housework, you should just do it for them", "men are visual creatures so you should ignore your political objections to porn" type of posters

women who have true respect for themselves, and feel that men are perfectly capable of being wonderful, don't make those shitty kinds of generalisations, IMO

I get annoyed at seeing these threads constantly.

Especially as I never, ever see posters being unanimously told to "leave the twat" over minor issues. You might get a jokey post saying it, or someone overreacting. But the majority of them are quite a balance, unless there is clear abuse when it is unanimous. I'm sure the OP is capable of reading the replies and deciding for his or hersrelf, in any case.

And also some parts of EA do sound minor if you haven't experienced them. If you have you know how devestating it it and you know how hopeless you feel if you don't realise that actually it's OK to leave over it. So the 'leave him' answers are just one option, but one which might make a world of difference.

Well said, PAFfy, as usual.

PAFfy, I do like that name

men are useless at housework, you should just do it for them", "men are visual creatures so you should ignore your political objections to porn"

Oh agreed. That goes on too!

I think the most depressing thing about the Relationships thread is the number of men who don't do anything around the house or care for their own children. I'm 48 and I thought that such behaviour had fairly much died out even in my generation.

Exactly, its insulting to women (as in you'd better do X or Y because men just can't/don't do it etc) and its insulting to men for much the same reasons.
And it excuses bad behaviour and enabling that behaviour.

To be fair though, I read an awful lot of relationship ishoos and think "why don't you leave the twat?" or "how the fuck did you saddle yourself with this twat in the first place?". Can't be arsed saying it most of the time though, and the relationships topic just depresses me.

evidently not, mym

depresses me too Buzz...

wonder if op has given any thought to the amount of us who have been in these destructive relationships....amd come out the other side a new woman...some of us yell 'leave' when we recognise our former selves in the posts. when a woman says 'but i'm staying for the dc' after describing horrible episodes,its hard to just advise some 'relate sessions' or 'counselling'....or my personal pet hate 'anger management'!!!

Evidently.

Though I suppose women come to Relationships mainly when they need advoce on a crappy relationship. The good ones don't get much mention.

also....i sometimes feel very sorry for the husbands who arent here to give their own side of the story,as frankly,some posters sound a bit ott sometimes!

The worst is the "oh he's really a lovely man and a great father, its just the tiny fact that he's never changed a nappy and can't remember the kids names. Oh and he sleeps around a bit. But really, he's a peach".

You just want to shake them really hard. Which is why I rarely if ever post on Relationships!

Or indeed the opposite, "My DH is an awful abuser....he made me english breakfast when I wanted earl grey, should I divorce him or just hire a hitman?"

Apart from in jest I've never seen anyone say leave the twat over a minor issue.

I rarely post on relationships but today I posted that I thought they should leave. She was being abused.