to accept thatme & my exDH co parent and its ok??

[chosenonesparklyglitterybow]

I am constantly being wound up by mother and sent on endless guilt trips and its doing my head in. Backstory is that DH and I split last summer amicably after years of talks etc. He lives 5 mins away and does the school run and they sleep over 2 nights a week flexibly. I have being seeing DP for 5 months and see him regularly DC haven't met him and neither have my parents. I like to keep things sperate for now and take my time. I get quizzed constantly on where Im going, what Im doing, don't I feel guilty miss the children, etc.... I even had a lecture on contreception the other day (1st time she's ever mentioned it and Im 35!! FFS)

Its clear she thinks that DC should be with me 90% of the time and that 'galavanting' off with a new bloke is not right! In the summer hols exDH is taking the DC away for a week and Im going abroad with new DP, yes I'll miss them, yes Im worried but the reaction of my parents is far scarier, she will flip! Its hard because they help with my DC and generally get on but they've been together 40 years and do not'get' divorce/co parenting at all

Try this for size - "Mum, I do appreciate your concern, but I am a grown woman and my private life is just that. Trust that you have raised me to have good judgment in what I do."

I think you are a super modern, tolerant and progressive Mum!

It looks like your break-up with DH was both amicable, reasonable and mature; it's great that you can share the kids. Your DH is super lucky that you do not cling on to the children, or use them as pawns. Your arrangements are a win-win for everybody, both kids and adults.

and yes, you have every right to have a new partner, spend time with him, go on holidays with him and be happy. The time you spend with your kids is quality time!

Now, you just need to make your Mum realise that you are an independant, well-grounded and mature adult....with maybe differing views on parenting...easier said than done!

good luck!

I will echo what TV what atomic said-

You are doing your children so much good by letting them having both parents involved.

Thanks to co parenting, you have more time for yourself, it's a win-win situation AFAIK.

Say that your appreciate her concerns but they need their dad & you know what is best for you and your children.

Mum I have grieved for my broken marriage and now you need to do the same as you can't keep hankering for the past.

Your mother has very outdated views on parenting!

Liles TheVisitors post. Don't answer any questions you don't want to about your marriage and parenting if you don't want to.

you are doing the best thing for your kids. unfortunately this does not coincide with what your mother believes. you have to please someone, your mother isn't that someone. your kids are.

You still have them for 70% of the overnights, tell your mother that.

unfortunately coparentin in such a balnced way as you describe after seperation is the exeption, not the rule, and your mother shoudl feel proud of you for providing your children with stability.

Do you live in the same house btw?

I have exactly the same issue with my Gran! I do the same as you with my ex and the dc, although I'm a few years furter down the line and am married. And she still doesn't get it. My Gran went through a phase of slagging off my ex, thinking that she was being supportive, and she simply couldn't understand that I didn't want to hear negative (often false) stuff about the man that is a fabulous Father to our children. It was like she assumed that as we had split, I must hate him, which is of course, completely not true.

It hurts that she thinks things must be awful for us, when actually things are quite good! And it hurts that she implies I am a bad Mother for letting my children go abroad with their Dad without me. So I understand exactly how you feel, but unfortunately, I have no advice. I just try to let it wash over me, and remeber that she comes from a generation where a good Dad spoke a few words to their children occasionally and earned the money to put food on the table. Dad's just didn't do the day to day stuff back then, and I think that's partly why she can't understand that my ex can.

Thank you- sometimes I just question myself. I need to stop burdening this guilt and focus on whats right for me and my family I think. thanks