to never drive with DH in the car ever again?

[5inthebed]

He makes me an absolute nervous wreck!

This morning, school run, I was pulling out of the car park and some idiot was on the wrong side of the road, so DH screams stop making me jump and slamming on the breaks when there was no need to do it.

Then at traffic lights he was adamant that the light was red, when it was on green, again yelling at me to stop.

I was in near tears by the time we got to Tesco.

Arse.

So I've told him I'm never driving when he is in the car, he can drive himself.

Yanbu!!

Does he care thatyou were almost in tears ?

YANBU He could have caused an accident.

YADNBU!
My DH used to do this to me sometimes. He would flick the indicator light on before I did it etc!?
I told him after a few times to get out of the car. And left him there. He got a taxi home,and have never had an issue since.
Do not back down on this.

Yes, he did apologise, but it is the last straw. He does it every time as I drive too slow , don't move off fast enough from round abouts.....things that he is so perfect at.

I've only been driving over a year, as opposed to his 7, so he thinks he is the better driver.

It sounds as though you need to drive alone for a bit to build up your confidence so when we is fussing you can ignore him knowing you are right. Shouting shouldn't be tolerated.

YANBU. My DH does this as well- it makes me really really angry. He even tells me what gear I should be in. Can you make him sit in the back seat -that's what I do now if he is annoying me. I'm not sure how many times we've arrived at something where we're not speaking because I've been driving. You have my sympathies.

My parents were like this. Be sure that, if it turns you into a nervous wreck, it's doing it x100 for your kids. I hated being trapped in the car with my folks while my folks screamed at each other. Some people think some behaviour is ok when driving. I somehow put it down to the fact that you're in a fast moving vehicle, and that at least one of you is unable to make eye contact during a conversation that makes it impersonal enough to be really unpleasant to each other.

Can he stay at home during the school run, and get a lift later/before?

Oh it was only a one off with him being with me. I usually do it myself, or I walk and he has the car for work.

I am tempted to make him sit in the back now though, or kick him out of the car.

try this:

When he's frying say, eggs, for breakfast, burst into kitchen and yell: "Careful... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!!Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my Gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?! They're going to STICK! Careful... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! HURRY UP! Are you CRAZY? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!"

If he asks what's wrong with you, reply with "This is the way I feel when we're driving"

Tell him to shut up. Politely the first time, then more bluntly.

My DP does this a bit too. I'm gradually training him out of it, but by God it's annoying.

FWIW, it's just as irritating for me when he's driving my car. His is automatic, and it sets my teeth on edge every time he grinds the gears when moving off in mine, or revs way too high in 3rd. I struggle to shut up, but every so often something will just fall out of my mouth

It is your own fault for driving. Husbands should only be in the passenger seat when the wife drives him back from the pub.

ROFL @ ullainga's egg cooking. Fantastic, may have to try on my own DH.

Ah JBellingham, that is where I went wrong! Thanks for the clarification!

Daffodils I feel your pain. My DH does exactly this with my manual car and it does my head in.

OP, I'm also a relatively new driver compared to my DH and get v nervous when he's in the car with me. He comments on how slow I'm going and helpfully suggests when I should be changing gear. Inevitably I tend to drive more slowly and / or make stupid mistakes that I would never do if I was on my own.

I don't think YABU to want to never drive him again, perhaps raise it when you're not driving and explain how much it affects you, making you nervous and ultimately much more likely to have an accident when he behaves in this way.

Though I'm at the egg cooking strategy, perhaps this is one of those moments where you need to do that 'describe the behaviour and how you feel when it happens, then say what you'd prefer' from the relationship counselling course.

As in: 'DH, when you [shout/give instructions/bark warnings/whatever it is] while I'm driving, I feel [distracted/angry/nervous/whatever you feel]. I would prefer it if you could save any observations you have about my driving until we've arrived [or STFU, or whatever your preferred behaviour would be].'

At the risk of generalising, lots of men have an innate belief that they have a moral right and fundamental superiority in all matters to do with internal combustion engines, and he probably hasn't realised how you feel when he exercises what he sees as his right. If you're factual and solution-oriented about bringing your objections to his attention hopefully (with reminders and some positive reinforcement) you'll be able to train him out of it.

I had to drive as DH had health issues so he couldn't. He was just as bad as your DH OP. I didn't want to drive but I had to. As the family was dependent upon my driving skills I put my foot down and told him he could walk if he didn't learn to keep his thoughts to himself. It's downright dangerous and you don't have to put up with it.

No YADNBU.... My DH has been known to do this....drives me bloody nuts!!

He gets so twitchy when he's not in charge of My car and you can see his hand reaching to grab the steering/indicators/handbrake/gears but then stops himself.

He's forever barking instructions at me (which i try to ignore),If i followed i would be sure to crash. Yet i manage perfectly well on my own.

I have been known to stop dead and scream at him "if i'm so bad then you drive the fucking car then!!"
He knows then he's pushed me too far

But The thing is he passed his test over 20 years ago (i have only been driving for 3.4 yrs)and hasn't got a clue about the rules of the road, but thinks because he has been driving so long that he knows best...i've told him if he was to take a test now he would fail.

And i know which one of us is the safer driver.

I also hate him driving my car (not very often though), as it's only a 1.4, (his is a 2.0) He totally thrashes it. Theres no fucking need!!!
I've told him If he kills my car he can bloody buy me a new one.

DH is a terrible passenger.

I don't tolerate it though - my position is that I don't drive him anywhere unless he is drunk enough to fall asleep, or on medication that makes him drowsy enough to fall asleep, and therefore STFU, and stop annoying me and setting a bad example to the children.

Otherwise he drives and I am the passenger. Life's too short to put up with back seat drivers.