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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

keeping my son off school

29 replies

samalexholly · 06/03/2011 21:07

My DS is 4 years old and at preschool.
He has 15 hours of free sessions (government funded)
The problem is he is always ill with either a cold or a virus or something else.
The teacher once told me a few months back that he was having a lot more time off compared to the other children, also that he seemed a bit of a mummy's boy (which i felt quite offended by)
But what she doesn't seem to understand is that he really is poorly, he has always caught everything going from the day he was born.
One day i sent him to school with a cold because i felt that maybe i WAS mothering him too much, but the next day there was a notice on the door saying to all parents "DO NOT BRING YOUR CHILD IN IF THEY ARE ILL, HAVE SOME CONSIDERATION FOR OTHER PARENTS!" it filled an A4 size paper written in red ink.
Now i don't know what i'm suppose to do.
What to you suggest?

OP posts:
belledechocchipcookie · 06/03/2011 21:09

Is he unwell?

TheSecondComing · 06/03/2011 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheVisitor · 06/03/2011 21:10

I think the notice was probably aimed more at parents bringing children who had D & V rather than a cold. It's fine to send a child in with a cold as long as they don't have a temperature and are coping fine.

NickNacks · 06/03/2011 21:10

Is he your first child?

gordyslovesheep · 06/03/2011 21:11

you don't have to send him at all - but personally a cold isn't really enough to keep mine off - your choice though x

DaphneHeartsFred · 06/03/2011 21:11

The notice probably refers to D&V.

DS has never been kept off nursery or school with a cold.

Sorry to say this, but he may be catching a lot of viruses because you keep him off. He needs exposure (to a certain extent) to build his immunities.

ballstoit · 06/03/2011 21:11

If mine are well enough to get up, dressed and play for a bit they go to school (unless they've had tummy bug then wait a day).

IMO preschool is not that important in terms of the education they're getting. However, they are gaining a general sense of how much you value school and work. A cold isnt a good enough reason to keep them at home, particularly if they are just doing 3 hours a day.

Oh, and the notice was probably aimed at another parent, would be unlikely to be you.

savoycabbage · 06/03/2011 21:12

How odd of her to say that! Perhaps he is a bit clingy of whatever made her think that he was 'over mothered' because he was not feeling at his best.

We have a replacement helper type at our playgroup at the moment as our permanent one is having an operation. She is very harsh and only seems capable of giving direction, always negative. Can't do any playing or enjoying herself at all.

worraliberty · 06/03/2011 21:12

They sound a bit odd to me really.

Nursery staff know that as soon as kids (particularly 1st born) starts nursery they pick up every illness going whilst their immune system learns to cope.

I'd ask them to clarify what they consider 'ill' as well because if a child has a cold but is otherwise well, they should go to school. Certainly when he becomes of legal age to attend that's the stance they'll take.

CrazyHorse · 06/03/2011 21:12

If he's poorly, keep him at home.

So what if other children bound in full of health every day, he's not every other child.

And it was rude of her to say he's a Mummy's boy. (But really you should take that as a compliment, as it shows how close the two of you are)

pjmama · 06/03/2011 21:12

Depends how he feels. If he's running a temperature and is feeling unwell, I'd keep him off. If he's just runny nosed and coughing but no temp and fine in himself, I'd send him. You can't avoid colds, if you tried you'd never leave the house.

If the preschool are giving you conflicting information, I'd just ring them in the morning, explain his symptoms and ask them what they want you to do? If they say it's up to you, then point out that they're not being very clear on their policy.

BlueCat2010 · 06/03/2011 21:13

They need to catch colds etc in order to build up their immunity. If he has been around the same bunch of people for 4 years then he will have imunity to those bugs but when he has started school he is catching new ones, so even if you keep him off he will will catch it hwen he goes back.

I would say YABU to keep him off unless he is unwell.

mercibucket · 06/03/2011 21:16

when he's off sick, how ill is he? do you keep him in bed? or take him out to the shops? in one way, it's only nursery and it's the last chance you get really to keep them off when they've just got the sniffles, but it might give him ideas for next year. dd just announced she's going to have a temperature tomorrow morning as an example Smile having had a day off a while ago cos she really did have a temperature. once he starts school you can't keep him off with a cold so up to you whether that means this year you will or you'll send him in anyway

piratecat · 06/03/2011 21:16

i totally totally sympathise. My dd is 8 and has, from a young age caught every bloody bug going, the repercussions of which are a paranoid mother, and her missing alot of school. A head teacher who is under pressure from his highers and me being told I am too precious with her. Which is a load of bolllocks and insulting.

sorry, i just know how frustrating it is. You send them in slightly ill, and they take even longer to get over something becuase they have caught something else.

PrincessScrumpy · 06/03/2011 21:19

Depends on the child a lot. dd (3) hides illness, and soldiers on until dropping. That means that she hasn't missed 1 day of childcare this school year (I work in a school and can't remember before the school hols). DD goes 5 days a week to a cm and pre school.

My friend has twins - the girl is like my dd, the boy is quite pathetic with illness (he's gorgeous and lovely but doesn't cope with being ill) He flops at a snotty noes.

I think most kids go to pre school with colds - just temperatures, infections (ear, throat, chest), and sickness that tends to keep them off. 2 weeks ago I took dd to preschool and she was a bit under the weather. I said to the manager she had a cold and she replied with a smile - they all do, it's the winter! I made it clear to call if they thought she was getting worse but dd was fine.

It's a hard call. Schools expect attendance to be above 80% or ss tend to get involved (unless serious illness is involved)

What type of things are you keeping him home for? Mind you - with pre school, if you don't work and you'd rather keep him home then do - he's only little. Might need vitamins if he's that suseptible?

bigTillyMint · 06/03/2011 21:20

Mine only stay off if they need to stay in bed. They know that if they are off, they will be spending the day in bed and they do not have TV's in their rooms.

They have virtually no time off. Like DH and myself.

He is not going to find it easy to make and maintain friends / get used to the routine / learn what is expected during reception if he is not in much. But if he genuinely needs to be in bed or is highly contagious, then you should keep him at home.

Original poster
samalexholly · 06/03/2011 21:23

Well tonight he was sick all over the place so i think he has a virus because the rest of my family have already had it.
he has had conjunctivitis and when he has a cold there is snot all over the place (sorry to be so gross).
he is my first born.
I really do want him to go because he loves it there and i would never keep him off unless i thought it was a bad.
Although i have also questioned myself if having a cold was a good reason or not.

OP posts:
cinpin · 06/03/2011 21:23

He is only four, I would keep him off so he can spend a nice day at home, if he was a bit older then yes he should go.

SillyOldHector · 06/03/2011 21:24

Its only preschool. It's entirely up to you how often he goes, cold or no cold.

worraliberty · 06/03/2011 21:27

Keep him off because he's sick but not because he's snotty. He's always going to be snotty when he has a cold. He'll need to learn to cope with wiping his nose in the end.

SofiaAmes · 06/03/2011 21:29

I can totally empathize. My ds is now 10 and has always gotten lots and lots of illnesses. He has missed a minimum of 2 - 3 weeks of school every year since he's been in school and some years (like last year) he has missed as many as 5 weeks of school. I used to feel that people were thinking I was keeping him off too much, but now I just don't care. In any case, in contrast, his sister misses 1 day of school a year on average. They share a bedroom, have many of the same friends, go to the same school and eat the same healthy diet (including vitamin supplements) and sleep the same number of long hours every night. Dd never catches anything and when she does, it's mild. Ds catches everything and gets weird secondary infections with every cold. He has had zillions of ear infections, high fevers, pneumonia, bronchitis, sinus infections, 4 recurrences of a really rare thing called toxic synovitis and migraines to top it all off.

You are his mother and you know if your child would be better off resting in bed or running around at school and just ignore what the nursery worker says.

cheekeymonkey · 06/03/2011 21:39

Must just say that unfortunately it is medically impossible to 'build up an immunity' against colds and viruses etc. I was under this mis-conprehension too and a paediatric doc put me right at the hospital practically-no actually accusing me of being a bad mother for taking my dd to nursery when every time she caught a cold she ended up in hospital with breathing problems. Thankfully all ok now and loves nursery and never has a day off due to just a cold - unless she has a temp obv.

NorthernGobshite · 06/03/2011 21:43

You can't keep a child off chool with every sniffle but if genuinely unwell - i.e D&V, high temp etc... - then they need to stay at home. You perhpas need to get the balance right. If he is happy after a bit of calpol he's probably well enough for a few hours at school, and it takes their minds off having a runny nose etc.

the "Mummys boy" comment is another matter, and I wouldn't be happy for a teacher to make that comment. Did you ask her what she meant?

NorthernGobshite · 06/03/2011 21:45

and children alawys have snotty noses in winter - they need to learn to manage it. He's 4, not 2.

TheVisitor · 06/03/2011 21:45

Sounds like your lad has caught the bug that other children have brought in with them, as their parents haven't kept them off.