or is my DH re the housework this weekend?

[TheProvincialLady]

I was until recently a SAHM with two children 4 and 2. I now work 2 days a week.

A couple of weeks ago DH said he would have a lot of extra work to do this weekend, so I arranged to take the children to my mum's Fri evening until Sun evening.

When I got back just now I found he had not done a single bit of housework. Not even unloaded the dishwasher, let alone place one of the many items he used in there. The kitchen bin was stinking and overflowing and the floor covered in crumbs. He had stepped over a pile of washing in front of the washing machine (that he said he would do) all weekend. There are literally 2 clean plates left and no saucepans, cups or glasses.

He told me at 11.45am on Saturday that he was just to get started. He carried on until 12.30am and then has been working all day today.

I feel sorry for him having so much work to do (though he could have done some of it in the evenings last week and got started on Friday night/earlier yesterday), but I am cheesed off that he left the kitchen in such a disgusting state for me to clean up. He says he meant to do it before I got back, but as I rang him to say we were on our way (45 minute journey), I think he could at least have put the dishwasher on or emptied the bin.

DH thinks I am being unreasonable to be annoyed, as he has been working all weekend while I have been having a rest. A rest .

AIBU?

YANBU

Don't clean it, tell him to clean up after himself.

He is BU to say you have had a rest, though I guess that depends on how much your mum entertains or helps with the DC.

The housework thing - well 6 of one, half a dozen of the other. However, you shouldn't have to clean it all up unless he is still working. You could do it together??

Does sound like he's had to do a lot of work tbh.

yanbu as you say he could have least put on the dishwasher and took the bin out. Neither one of those wouldn't have taken long to do

YANBU. My DH would have loaded the dishwasher at the very least although I doubt he would have swept the floor. He always does the dishwasher though so maybe it would have been habit rather than thoughfulness.

You might have been a victim of the 'typical' male one track mind. He thought of work and nothing else. That isn't an excuse though and he should still have stopped working and sorted the kitchen when he knew you were coming.

I dont think there's any such thing as a 'typical male' mind!

he could have easily emptied the bins out and loaded the washing machine as the clothes were in a pile in front of the machine! He could have cleared up after himeself at the very least.

I'd split chores in half now, and clean the kitchen together!

And if he thinks a weekend with the kids is 'resting' well arrange a weekend away with your friends, and leave him to rest with the kids!

He has been working really hard and of course that is harder than having the children with my mum around (though she has not been that well this weekend, DH doesn't know that yet). But he had all of Friday night and Saturday morning to himself to do nothing, and didn't clean up after himself then.

It only took me 15 minutes to do the dishwasher, the bin, the recycling and clean the surfaces. But it seems so direspectful to me. I would never leave him with 48 hours of my crap to clean up after.

Fuzzywuzzy I am just in the process of arranging that very thing! Although it will be more of a genuine rest for him at his mum's because she genuinely does everything while he sits in another room.

I had to clean the kitchen so I could make the children something to eat before bed. DH is still working but nearly finished. I will forgive him but it's good to know that IANBU to think he could have done something.

Ok I retract, I am clearly a walkover!

You're right, I would never leave my mess for someone else like that.

Why does he sit in another room from his DC while at his mum's?

Ha ha youtalkingtome. It is a little bit abusive, isn't it?

His mum is like the pied piper so all children follow her to do baking/craft/science experiments. In fairness to DH, I also leave her to get on with it when she's around!

Does she go out on loan?

YANBU

lazy bugger

His is being unreasonable, it's his mess and I'm very surprised you actually cleaned up after him.

I appreciate it is difficult when he is working all weekend but what would he do if he was alone - live in a sty, or get off his bum and do the housework?

I think you are nice to be so sympathetic to his working pleas. My DH would have been made to clean his mess (whilst I took the children out to dinner) but I am crabby and mean like that

Sorry we have exclusive rights. They are her only grandchildren. I have been spiking SIL's drinks with progesterone for five years now.

The only reason I cleared it up was the smell and the fact that the children needed feeding (dinner out not an option as they are far too tired). If he wasn't still working I would have made him do it. There is still another dishwasher load to do when this one finishes and he will be doing it. But I will make a nice dinner for us both. He's not usually thoughtless. Compared to many MN partners he is a paragon of manly virtue.

YANBU. That's just selfish twattery. Show him this thread.

Actually scratch that. He can't see why I was grumpy and wanted me to apologise. He's getting quinoa for dinner, and I'm not joking

Don't show him this thread!

That's when abusers like him get violent.

Ok, I'm going to give up now.

if he had time to make himself the food and drink that used up all the plates and cups then he could have loaded the dishwasher etc while waiting for the kettle to boil or whatever, oh no, sorry, that would be multi-tasking! It takes seconds to put on washing that could then have done itself while he worked. How does he think it gets done usually? In short, YANBU.