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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be little hurt that sibling was not included.

50 replies

yesthatiswhatithink · 06/03/2011 15:34

Eldest invited to friends party, I am friendly with the mother.
About 6 invited, two with no siblings.
All children know each other from school and activities.
3 younger siblings included but not mine. She doesn't know, elder child noticed but told not to mention it.

OP posts:

fishtankneedscleaning · 06/03/2011 18:58

The worst thing about planning a birthday party is knowing there will always be at least one parent demanding to know why their child's younger sibling was not invited. Ummmmm ...... Because the younger child is not physically attached to their elder sibling and will have party invites from his own friends when he starts nursery/school.

By feeling you have to invite siblings means the birthday child does not get to invite their own friends, especially when there is only space for 6 children.

YABU

ShavingGodfreysPrivates · 06/03/2011 19:21

Thinking back, I may have traumatised a whole heap of mothers/siblings when I had the first 'proper' party for my eldest DS.

One of the mums dropped off her son and asked if there were any local parks she could take her little one (aged 2) while the party was going on. They'd recently moved and it wouldn't have been worth going home and then travelling back to pick up her DS.

I asked if she would like to stay at the party and she was delighted at my offer. The youngest sibling had a wonderful time and the mum helped me out with keeping the other children in check.

I'm now wondering how may of the other Mums smiled sweetly and thanked me when picking up their child only to go home and bitch about their younger children not getting an invite.

Not that I actually give a feck. My son's party, my money paying for it, our choice who was invited.

Original poster

yesthatiswhatithink · 06/03/2011 20:50

Probably more to do with me then than the child then.
However I would feel unable to exclude just one child myself.
I would not feel hurt if there had been another sibling not invited as do understand about numbers

OP posts:

griphook · 06/03/2011 20:58

I don't think yabu at all, other younger siblings were invited and not yours. I would be very upset and hurt as well. particulary if the mum is a friend

sunnydelight · 06/03/2011 22:00

YABU. Your oldest child got a party invite that you accepted, she went to the party. Whatever else went on really has nothing to do with you.

MangoTango · 06/03/2011 22:10

The mother probably didn't really want any siblings there but people were rude enough to just turn up with uninvited siblings or to ask if the uninvited siblings could come.

Cloudbase · 06/03/2011 22:11

Am a bit confused by this actually.

Do you mean that 6 were invited but that there were actually 9 children there? (6 invitees, 2 without sibs and of the other 4, only 3 sibs were invited as well).

Also, who exectly told your elder child not to mention it to your younger? Seems to make a difference if it was you or the person whose party it was.

Cloudbase · 06/03/2011 22:12

or exactly!

hairylights · 06/03/2011 22:13

Yabu and I agree with *iljj. (I also love JJ)

Onetoomanycornettos · 06/03/2011 22:13

Am I being a bit thick? If six are invited, two without siblings, then how can three younger siblings be invited? (this would need at least seven). Plus yours?

Anyway, the plain fact is that birthday parties are for invitees only, perhaps the birthday child likes a couple of the younger siblings in particular. I almost never get invites for my two at the same time, so YABU in getting upset about this, really I would try to relax about it as in the future it's obvious they will have lots of invites without each other and all this 'whose going' and over-analysing is not going to get you anywhere.

Onetoomanycornettos · 06/03/2011 22:14

Cloudbase, great minds think alike!

AuntiePickleBottom · 06/03/2011 22:18

perhaps the siblings mother asked if they could come???

worraliberty · 06/03/2011 22:19

Maybe..just maybe the mother of the partygirl had this totally weird idea..one that involved actually allowing her daughter whose party it is, to actually invite the kids that she wanted there being as though it's her party and not her Mother's?

Or am I just being really 'out there' in my line of thinking?

littleflora · 06/03/2011 22:41

This Saturday I invited 11 of my dd's friends to her adoption party. I paid a soft play area to cater for 12 children. There were 12 balloons, 12 place settings and 12 party bags. I also made up 12 winners presents, making sure each child won a game.

There was a CRB checked host, to entertain the children. As Foster Carers both me and DH are CRB checked.

Four of the invitees mothers turned up with 6 siblings between them. "Oh I could not leave my child at a party by him/herself" - bearing in mind ALL of these children have, at some stage, been to our house with DD after school for tea and to play, without their mother in tow.

All the invitees were between the ages of 8-10.

I then had to pay for another 6 (uninvited) children. I was not impressed!

Cloudbase · 06/03/2011 22:44

I thank you, Onetoomany!

Seriously though, how close are you to these people, that it's upsetting you this much? I can understand you being upset for your daughter, especially if she's now found out that she's the only one not going, but if they were really good friends, presumably you'd be able to ask them. If they're not, then maybe you don't need to feel this upset?

TheSecondComing · 06/03/2011 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoodDaysBadDays · 06/03/2011 22:55

TysonNobdie86 Sun 06-Mar-11 16:33:03
I think you should say something tbh, I had to ask if my 4 month opld dd could attend sil's dd party as I had no babysitter and ds is only 2.8 years so I needed to stay. She said Yes and was genuinely sorry that she forgot.

does a four month old require an invite? Would they eat the food? Win the prizes? Surely you'd just be there with the baby? Imagine sil didn't think she had forgotten just that it was unnecessary.

OP YABU. dc's have friends, they have parties, sometimes one dc is a bit jealous. Use the party time to do something nice with other dd.

It would be rude to pull the mother up on it imo

cat64 · 06/03/2011 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Mumcentreplus · 06/03/2011 23:00

YABU..

littleflora · 06/03/2011 23:07

cat64 I agree! I think I was so gobsmacked at the parents stance at the time - and I wanted dd's party to be perfect - that I just caved!

It won't happen again

MangoTango · 06/03/2011 23:08

littleflora I'm not surprised you weren't impressed. I would have been fuming. It is actually quite embarrassing when someone has marched in with their child expecting them to be a part of the party to say "Um, please can you pay for them." It's natural to want to be a good host, but a shame people are rude enough to take advantage. There is a mother at my dd's school who always brings the uninvited younger sibling to join in, despite never giving her children parties herself. I wouldn't dream of taking along an uninvited child. I am considering actually writing on any invitations to soft play parties that unfortunately siblings can't be included in the party numbers due to having to pay per head, but people are welcome to pay separately for them to play. So cringey and we shouldn't have to do this.

Condensedmilkaddict · 07/03/2011 01:52

My three children went to a party on Friday.
They were all invited because we socialise with the birthday boys family on weekends.

Other children were invited but their siblings weren't.
Because birthday boy and his family don't know them.

Simple.

cory · 07/03/2011 08:25

They are getting to an age where the invites are likely to be in the hands of the birthday child. That means the children invited will be the ones whom the child wants to play with, not the ones whose mums are friendly with his mum. The child needs to move out of this mum-created group and make his own social life. Quite rightly.

Presumably your own social life is no longer dominated by the people whose mums your mum liked, provided you can get on with them? You make your own friends. This is known as growing up.

Pagwatch · 07/03/2011 08:34

Good grief.
Would grown women actually phone someone to find out why their child had not been invited?
Am I still 11 ?

And what is with the 'he/she noticed and was upset'. Isn't that when you have the
' shockingly, the world does not bend to involve you every single time'

Dd had the ' it us your brothers invitation and so sadly is nothing to do with you' conversation at about 3.

savoycabbage · 07/03/2011 08:47

Of course YABU! Even more so if the six include the younger siblings.

There are many, many reasons that this has come about. None of them are likely to be laced with malice on the side of the birthday child.

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