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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not send my MIL a birthday card

19 replies

Jaydles · 05/03/2011 22:55

It is my MIL's birthday next week and I have taken a stand that I will under no circumstances be buying her a card or a present. Basically the circumstances are I have 3 young children she never ever buys them a card/present for their birthdays nor acknowledges that it is actually their birthdays. She did not come and see my youngest son until he was 6 months old - she lives less than a mile away from my house. (I in protest refused to take him to her as she did this with my daughter but I backed down and she saw her when she was 3 weeks old when I visited her house with my new baby) She didn't even ring to ask how the new baby was, what he weighed, how I was nothing. My husband says it's because she now has 10 grandchildren so she can't be expected to remember them all - I would like to point out that she is only 46 and therefore not elderly. WWYD send her a card or not?
I also think that DH is making excuses as she has never bothered about her own childrens birthdays, christmas etc and it upsets him she doesn't seem to be bothered about his children so he defends her constantly which does nothing except cause arguements in our house

OP posts:
rookiemater · 05/03/2011 22:57

YANBU, but not really understanding why it is causing ructions in your household. Surely it's up to your DH to decide if he wants to buy her a card or a present, why would you be involved at all?

worraliberty · 05/03/2011 22:58

No I wouldn't but then again if she's your Husband's Mother, shouldn't he be sending her card?

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 05/03/2011 23:00

Agree with the other posters, it's your DH's job.

PaisleyLeaf · 05/03/2011 23:00

10 grandchildren at 46? Shock
Maybe she's in denial.

(I think I would be).

DuelingFanjo · 05/03/2011 23:00

just let your husband buy and send the card and present.

Katisha · 05/03/2011 23:01

WHat usually happens on her birthday then? Who buys/sends what?

Original poster
Jaydles · 05/03/2011 23:02

Yeah he is useless and I buy all the cards and presents for both sides of the family, he doesn't even have a bank card of his own. I just don't want her to think that I have had an input in getting her something maybe I am being petty about it. The arguements are coming from him defending her and not asking why she ignores our children which I think irritates me more than it does him

OP posts:
Original poster
Jaydles · 05/03/2011 23:02

Haha I know she has 5 kids and they all had babies young :)

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Katisha · 05/03/2011 23:04

HE is useless because you are letting him be useless.
Just don't do it.

Serenity788 · 05/03/2011 23:05

Yanbu... You can 'forget' too. My gran has 6 grandchildren and one great grandchild, is 80 with serious health problems and still remembers all if my ds appointments and rings to see how they have gone (diary in use I assume but she's brill)

ConnorTraceptive · 05/03/2011 23:10

Yanbu my mum was one of twelve so my nan had over 30 grand children. We always got a birthday card with a pound coin taped inside

moajab · 05/03/2011 23:14

Yanbu. My grandparents had 12 grandchildren. Admittedly they did sometimes get our names muddled up! But they never forgot birthdays and were always eager to see each new arrival in their family at the earliest opportunity - even if it meant travelling across the country. If your DH wants to get her a card fair enough, but you shouldn't have to. And if she asks where her card is you can just say that as she never sends anything for your DCs you assumed she didn't believe in celebrating birthdays! :o

Original poster
Jaydles · 05/03/2011 23:15

I think that is the issue his nanna who has 3 times as many grandchildren always always sends a card and posts it so it arrives by royal mail on the day of their birthdays. Its not like I want her to spend a fortune just a bloody 29p card! I know it's my own fault for letting him not do anything but I guess 7 years later is too late to change now! I think I will just 'forget' glad its not just me being pathetic feel better now :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Jaydles · 05/03/2011 23:17

Haha moajab maybe she doesn't believe in birthdays and just forgot to tell me when I was taking her presents round for the last 7 years!

OP posts:
JenniPenni · 05/03/2011 23:30

I would not get any pressies or cards for her. Ever. Leave it to DH to arrange.. and if he doesn't... he doesn't.

Try not to think about it too much. Focus on the lovely relatives in your and DH's family that actually DO give a damn about you guys and your kids :)

Original poster
Jaydles · 05/03/2011 23:35

Yeah I have been doing since my daughter was born 3 years ago it just infuriates me, maybe I should get some self help for my anger issues :)
I will tell him if he wants to get her a card then he can but I will not be bothering

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JemAndTheHolograms · 05/03/2011 23:47

YANBU! My nan had 16 grandchildren, and 7 children. She never forgot any of our birthdays still sending cards right up until just before she died at the age of 79.

tiredmomma · 06/03/2011 00:02

I agree with JenniPenni, let your dh do the present and card thing. She is not your mother after all.

Inlaws are a strange bunch, well mine are anyway. Found out yesterday that MIl has been home visiting her daughter (SIL) since last Sunday, she lives in another country and didn't bother to ring dh and tell him she was coming to visit. No bother picking up the phone when she needs a lend of some cash though.

Original poster
Jaydles · 06/03/2011 00:10

How weird, I think mine would be straight on the phone too if she needed something, driving somewhere

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