Why no return invite?

[Whatever17]

I invite kids from DS2's class to play, take them to the cinema, the park or just to play in the back garden.

DS2 is nice, I am nice, I feed the kids normal things and am nice.

The parents thank me and then - nothing.

It's just rude I think. I feel I have to "pay back" and invite their kids.

I can invite the same kids 10 times, their parent is more than happy, the kid is happy.

No return invite. I don't get it.

DS2 is 11 now - I do a party every year and invite most or all of the class. He gets no invites. He says people have family parties - fine - but they turn up with no RSVP, no card, no present. It could be a pack of bubble gum - I dont care, it just is rude I think.

I mean - I WOULD have to feel I had to "payback" if I were them.

I would stop making the effort for a while and see what happens. Does he have many friends at school or does he say people are horrible to him? Are the parents at the school quite cliquey?

I assume he'll be going to secondary school later this year so will make new friends then and will probably arrange his own social life rather than relying on you to do it. Plus parties do tend to be smaller or non existant as they get older.

If I make no effort he is just on his own. He has mates at school and I tell him that he can bring anyone home that he likes. We all live on an estate but I didn't grow up here although DS2 has. All the mums have grown up together and gone to the same school that DS2 is at. They are perfectly nice but I work and I think they want to hang out with their mates and their mates kids - which I get.

But even if I give their kids a great day out and we have a good laugh - they don't feel the urge to repay.

I find now my eldest DD is at secondary school they all just make their own arrangements for going to each others' houses. Some afternoons DD will turn up at home with a friend and other days she will phone after school and say she is at a friend's house. Also they make new friends and mums don't tend to get involved in the friendships at that age, so there is no cliqueyness.

Surely not every single other mum at the school grew up with the others and went to the same school? Are there any mums that aren't in the clique that you could try and form a friendship with and then they would be more likely to reciprocate

My son goes to play at others for tea after school before I let him go I explain to the other parent that he is the oldest of 3 children (aged 6) and although I would love to I couldn't cope with anymore kids at teatime so there will be no return invite until my younger ones are older. I will however if it is a nice day ask them if they want to join us at the park or invite the child and parent round for a coffee after school and if that turns into them staying for tea so be it.
On the party invite issue I would find it very hard to believe that nobody in the entire class has had a gathering of some sort for their birthday where they could invite friends.
To answer your question YANBU to expect that at some point your child with or without you would be invited to something