Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To Think I Should Have been Invited Back?

16 replies

pommedeterre · 05/03/2011 18:47

Two couples who came to my wedding have not invited me to theirs. Part of a group that stayed in contact after school although I was less close as didn't live in London post uni like the rest of them. They have invited everyone else in the group.
AIBU to be a little hurt at being left out?

OP posts:

Hammy02 · 05/03/2011 18:54

Don't take it personally. I am planning a wedding and due to budget constraints I am having very few guests so am unable to invite everyone that I would like to.

RunAwayWife · 05/03/2011 18:56

It sounds a little unfair, I understand why you feel hurt, I don't think you are BU at all

worraliberty · 05/03/2011 18:58

How long ago was your wedding?

NinkyNonker · 05/03/2011 19:03

Yanbu to feel hurt, but they're not BU either depending on circumstances. Don't let it get you down though.

maddy68 · 05/03/2011 19:40

My OH had such a huge family that we had to be really strict - just close family and best friends - (still had 150 guests!)

atthecarwash · 05/03/2011 19:44

YANBU. These things hurt. try to forget about it

albertcamus · 05/03/2011 19:47

I was p*d off, angry + disappointed that my DH's niece didn't invite us to her wedding - she was my only bridesmaid 25 years ago, and I taught her French privately from age 5 - GCSE + had good relationship. I even pulled strings to get her a job interview at my school. Don't know what more you have to do, but if you're not wanted you're better off enjoying your own family. I understand that it's often a question of limiting the amount of guests etc., but quite frankly now I send my classroom assistant a nice card & present instead of bothering with that branch of the family ... try not to be upset :)

YellowDinosaur · 05/03/2011 19:47

YANBU to be hurt and upset.

But relationships change over time don't they? Are you even still close to these people? Perhaps they simply see the other members of the group a lot more and for whatever reason you and they have not kept in touch so much.

I don't think just because you invite people to your wedding they have to return the favour. There are people whose weddings I went to but by the time I got marired we were no longer really in touch so it would have been wierd to track them down to invite them (even though if we bumped into each other it would be lovely to see them).

Similarly there are people that came to my wedding who I haven't seen or spoken to in absolutely ages - if I found out they had got married and not invited me I wouldn't think anything of it.

Or it might simply be a numbers thing.

Like I said, no harm in being upset but you need to let this one go

chipmonkey · 05/03/2011 20:18

Sorry but YABU a bit.

People are constrained by finances, size of venue, number of family members who have to be invited. There were 170 people at our wedding and if we had invited everyone we'd like to have invited there would bave been about 500!

hidenseek · 05/03/2011 20:28

My cousin didn't invite me to her wedding. Her parents (my aunt and uncle) had been repeatedly saying "see you at the wedding" during every phonecall etc that had taken place before the invitations went out, but then no invitation ever arrived. I still don't understand it (no financial or capacity reasons to not invite me), but aforementioned aunt and uncle have never mentioned it, and cousin has behaved like nothing is amiss. Our relationship hasn't been the same since. Though I have found out she has spoken to and about my mum like crap a couple of times, so tbh the wedding situation has done me a favour in allowing me to withdraw from her.

Personal rant aside, clearly I think YANBU.

daimbardiva · 05/03/2011 20:37

YANBU but at the same time YABU, a bit - I felt the same. I went out of my way to invite uni friends I hadn't seen for a while to our wedding. They came and we all had a lovely time catching up. A year later one of said friends got married and didn't invite us - and 3 years later same thing happened again. It's just one of these things though - we had quite a big wedding and had financial help from parents. These friends had smaller weddings and it's just not possible to invite everyone. I did feel sad (more at the fact we're just not that close anymore than at not being invited to the weddings per se) but I understood.

Original poster

pommedeterre · 05/03/2011 21:18

Wedding was 18 months ago. We had 80 adults to whole day and other friends ('newer' friends from where we live) arrive in the evening so not a massive guest list. A lot of financial help from my parents though.
We talk/see each other the same amount. in fact I've been closer to one of the girls as she has been more interested in coming to see me since dd has been born since she is so broody.
Maybe it is just money and I should just let it go. Maybe it's a feeling of being 'out' of the group that I feel more sad about.
Maybe it's also feeling like maybe I haven't made the relationships resulting in huge amounts of wedding invites that everyone else seems to have had. I've been to three weddings outside of my own - 2 of DH's friends and one of my own. Maybe that's what feels so sad.

OP posts:

Desiderata · 05/03/2011 21:21

Ah! It's no different to not being invited to parties when you're a kid. Part of the human condition, I fear.

There's no easy answer to it, pomme. You just have to console yourself with the fact that, whilst you're in bed at ten, everyone else will be making drunken twats of themselves.

LemonDifficult · 05/03/2011 21:51

YANBU - Two couples at our wedding also didn't invite us to theirs (similar size and only a couple of years apart). Might as well have said, 'well, of course, we are more popular than you...' Very bad form.

OTOH, DH and I aren't wild about going to weddings and tend to be relieved when we're left out.

pigletmania · 05/03/2011 22:06

YANBU at all, I would be pissed off tbh to be the only one in the group not invited. It would affect the level of friendship with them tbh. If there were others who were in the group that were not invited than it would be different but the only one. Its like the chidlrens party thing, it would be vvvvu to invite the whole class bar 1 child same difference but with adults.

If your wedding say took place a number of years ago, and since then you have drifted apart from the couple, and mabey the others have not, than I would say well these things happen, its not been all that long since your wedding.

birdofthenorth · 05/03/2011 22:13

I was hurt to be missed off a lifelong friend's list last summer. Not a particularly small wedding & all our mutual friends invited. Hard to bit feel "has she never liked me?" etc even though you know it 's much more likely about numbers/ money/ tables etc! But I care about her & would have liked to have been there to wish her well.

My BF had only 50 at her wedding (in total, no evening guests) so had to be ruthless on guest list but then I ended up having to explain her decision to two friends hurt not to be invited, which was awkward & sad!

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread