For needing a moan, but thinking I need a kick up the bottom instead.

[rickymummy]

I am knackered, worn out and exhausted. I run around in circles my working part time in my business, but currently earning literally no money after child care is paid.

I try and keep on top of the house, deal with my fairly demanding (but lovely) children, and very demanding (but lovely) OH.

And, I am constantly worn out. I get every cold or bug going (had the usual blood tests - just run down - for the last 4 years!). I am always ill.

I feel old. I have no new clothes as I am skint, but all my friends have more cash, and OH likes to go out sometimes, so I go out, feeling old, in old rubbish clothes, to expensive restaurants, when I would quite honestly rather be in bed.

We went to a party last week, and I felt so old and frumpy (I'm NOT normally), and tired.

Just looked on FB to have a few mins to myself, and see my friend is backstage at X Factor, with gorgeous pictures of her 7 year old with Matt Cardell etc. Even her 7 year old is having the social life I would love.

I think I need a good talking to please.

How is you OH demanding and why are you left to do all the running around?

Cut yourself some slack - you have a lovely family by the sounds of things. Maybe your friends who have "more cash" are living on borrowed money/credit?

Even if the blood tests have not picked up anaemia, are your iron levels good? Because you sound like I felt a year ago. Have you tried taking iron supplements like Spatone to boost your energy levels?

Take care x

why are you going to expensive restaurants when you are skint?

go somewhere cheaper, go to primark, get yourself kitted out in some trendy clothes

I'm not sure eating out in cheaper restaurants dressed in Primark clothes would make ME feel better!

Is there something you can cancel, like Sky, window cleaner, that you could use as a clothes allowance and buy yourself one new piece of clothing a month? I know when I'm feeling run down/ dowdy etc, good clothes make all the difference to me.

I would also recommend a daily dose of the Seven Seas tonic. I was recommended to me when I felt the same as you and I felt better.

why are you working for no reward? surely the answer would be to give up work for the time being if it makes no difference

Why are you going to expensive restaurants? Buy some clothes and go to the pub. Dinner parties with friends all bringing a dish.

Aw, I feel your pain, and understand your rant. Some days I feel like a slave robot! With no clothes and still not able to shift the baby weight!

We have a pretty democratic household but some days...ohh...the drudgery!

Get a takeaway and a bottle of plonk and float off into oblivion!

Thanks, just having a bad day/week/year.

I know I take too much on, but there's always something that needs doing. My work used to pay, but it was hit by the recession - I'm a partner, so leaving would not be easy. Other people would lose their jobs, and I still enjoy the job, it's just exhausting.

OH thinks he helps, but he works long hours. When he is tired, he just goes to bed, but someone has to do bathtime/wash clothes etc. You can't just put the children away because you are tired. Also, he just tells me to pull myself together and that it's my fault for not trying harder, and that I should be more like the other girls, (who are out partying because they have grandparents round the corner, and look great because they spend their days at the gym/hairdressers). Can you tell that we had a row this morning? I told him I was really tired because I wsa woken at 6.30am by the children after going out last night until midnight. He thinks I should handle it, but I can't.

Like I say, I think I'm just tired, but the reality is that my confidence is rock bottom at the moment. I need some sort of tonic, but no idea how to deal with it.

Going for a soak in the bath, now littlest child is in bed. xxx

Nah, he's tired but so are you. You need to split what needs doing after working hours 50/50. He can't just bugger off whenever he can't face it. This is the reality of having kids. You need at least a half day to yourself a fortnight (and I think more, but this is probably achievable for a start). Then you can choose to go shopping/get your hair done, visit a friend, etc. Taking supplements might help to a limited extent, but it doesn't really address the in-house issues.

It really is possible to kit yourself out with a couple of new things for very very little. The online prices for so many things have become very competitive, and there's always eBay. If you feel a bit down about what to go for, ask a friend to help!

Another suggestion is to take turns with your DH to have a lie in at the weekend - you have Sat/he has Sun, or whatever works for you both. If he argues with this, tell him to get stuffed. Being self employed takes up an enormous amount of mental energy - I bet you're putting in far more than part time hours. See if there's any affordable business mentors (online?) for you and your partner/s if it all feels grim right now.

agree with missmelhalia

You sound a wonderful person who is truly doing too much. Very good suggestions on here, but you do need to learn to be assertive.

Try taking care of yourself, eat well and just be kind....

Thanks again. I feel better today after a night's sleep, but have still been bickering with DH all day. I am going to take all your suggestions on board. Actually managed to grab an afternoon off today, as inlaws were visiting, so we went to the cinema. Feel better for that.

x

Hi there,

you sound just how I feel. You have my sympathy and know that you are not the only one out there who is feeling like that!

I too am knackered with it all - 3 kids, part-time job, DH who gets the Sat AND Sun lie-in (!!!) And feel angry, fed-up most of the time!

This morning saw me trying to take all three kids out for a walk/bike-ride/ in the sunshine only to have my youngest (20 months) scream for one hour and I ended up carrying him, scooter and football. Boy was I mad to get back home and find DH reading the newspaper after his lie-in!! This is not an unusual Sunday for me either. So I do know how it feels! We row all the time too.

Buy yourself a new sexy item of clothing, get a hair cut, some lippy and go out dancing (when you get a minute and feel half awake/alive!!)

Have a moan - you deserve it. It gets it off your chest.

Oh you sound so down :(

If you are barely scraping by financially, are you sure you're not entitled to some benefits? Maybe tax credits or something? May be worth looking into.

Definitely worth thinking about supplements too, even a multivitamin could make a big difference.

Have to agree that just buying a few cheap clothes really boosts my confidence.

Oh OP, you sound so down! I really feel for you!

Can you explain to OP that you feel uncomfortable going to posh restaurants and ask if he will 'treat you' to a shopping splurge instead? Then the next time he suggests dinner you'll have something nice to wear.

Maybe also ask him to look after the kids for a night and then get yourself round to one of your friend's houses for a girls' night. Buy some cheapo face masks, take your curlers, maybe even invite more friends along and ask everyone to bring clothes they no longer wear. Then you can all have a rummage and hopefully find some nice new clothes!

Take care.

You need to tackle the clothing issue as well as the time to yourself issue - get one of Gok Wan's books from the library on livening up your existing wardrobe. Set an evening aside and go through your wardrobe - bet you have forgotten some of your hidden gems. Older clothes can be brought back to the life using cheap accessories including scarfs, brooches and new buttons.

In summer my staple clothing is a white vest style T, with colourful scarf draped loose and aviators - cheap as chips. So much you can do with the cheapy shops these days. You have got Mother's Day coming up. Ask for vouchers. Book a free appointment with the stylist at Debenhams. She will leave you with a cup of tea and find bits for you. I went year before last - I told her I wanted an outfit I could wear to an evening wedding but dress down for a BBQ. She found me an amazing outfit in a colour that suited me and I barely stopped wearing it to my different "dos".

Good Luck!

You can also go to websites of stores you like; most of them have clearance tabs. A lot of times I look in the spring and you can get lovely winter clothes at very cheap prices. I purchase them and put them away for next year. :)

What PunkAtHeart said.

You don't need to enable him to live a bachelor-style life, with all the rights and few responsibilities.