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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that DH should be bloody grateful I don't mind.

40 replies

Poxykids · 05/03/2011 16:16

DH and I were supposed to be having a night away at friend's birthday. I can't do as DCs have chicken pox. I'm really disappointed as we don't see our friend's very often and haven't had a night away for 18 months.

DH has gone. I don't mind him going and he offered to stay but I figured that there was no point us both sitting at home being miserable and they just want to watch tv anyway.

But I was expecting more from DH. No lie in this morning, no grand gestures. I went out to get haircut (originally for tonight ) and when I came back he hadn't tidied up, cleared lunch things, made bed, nothing.

When I said I was upset about it he got all huffy and said I obviously don't want him to go and he would cancel.

But that's not what I want. I just want him to acknowledge that it is rotten for me and that he will make it up to me.

Am I being a martyr or should he have done more.

I may cry.

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 05/03/2011 17:04

Why should the OP have to tell her DH to do the dishes. Presumably they are his dishes and his children's dishes too?

FranSanDisco · 05/03/2011 17:07

Well you know for next time. You were up with the kids in the night and he didn't help and then complains he needs to be rested for a night out!!!! You are a door mat - stand up for yourself woman or it will get worse. My dh has selective hearing and sight - can't hear ill children or cats who want to go out at 2 am, can't see mess. Usually a little hint works wonders - 'your turn'. I don't silently seeth as it's not good for my mental health so I get it off my chest .

fedupofnamechanging · 05/03/2011 17:09

So basically, he's leaving you with 2 sick children to look after, stayed in bed this morning knowing that you will have to get up tomorrow as well if he is going away tonight and has done nothing in the house today?

He sounds like a selfish arse and if he was mine I'd take back the offer to look after the kids while he went out tonight.

Georgimama · 05/03/2011 17:13

She shouldn't have to tell her DH to do the dishes. I agree he should have done them without being asked. But since he didn't, better to point out to him what needs doing than seethe.

StealthPolarBear · 05/03/2011 17:20

very true
Sorry - bit too relevant, as when we were going out this morning I had a rant at DH about "why do I always have to coordinate getting us out of the door and tell you want to do?"

Honeybee79 · 05/03/2011 18:01

Did you actually tell him to clear up/do the chores?

StealthPolarBear · 05/03/2011 18:13

HoneyBee, why should she point to a load of dirty dishes and state the obvoius?
Obviously is she was hoping he'd defrost the freezer that would be worth a mention.

trixie123 · 05/03/2011 18:22

YANBU to feel a bit out out and I agree you shouldn't have to tell him to do the various chores, you have 2 kids, not 3. Its perfectly understandable that you don't want him to go but that you are "letting" him anyway and he should feel a bit grateful and show it.

runtus · 05/03/2011 22:59

YANBU - I'd have been bloody annoyed if he'd made me get up after 4 hours sleep so he would be rested for his night out. But then, I'd have told him that in no uncertain terms too.

My DH is also a tidy freak and would rather die than leave something uncleared or unmade.......much to my annoyance most of the time

I don't think you are acting like a spoiled 5 yr old at all - everyone likes to feel appreciated and he should at least recognise you are obviously upset to not be able to go out after being all excited. Having said that, if my other half started bringing me treats and presents for missing out I'd think he had gone mental!

Dinner and wine WTF

SwingOutSisters · 05/03/2011 23:06

of course YANBU, men are selfish pigs and only think of themselves, cannot empathise with their wives, we are slaves.

winnybella · 05/03/2011 23:10

YANBU.

What activate said.

DP would probably not want to go, but if he did he would clear up any mess, cook for the kids and me before going etc.

lovenamechange100 · 05/03/2011 23:18

Think this is a classic case of mena rnt mind readers and havbt got a mind to think Oh I shoudl do this cos 'X' might be sad at not going.

YABU ONLY becauee you didnt give hime any indication that you peeved about not going and feel it needs to be made up to you, he cnt do what he didnt know about. I sooo know where you are comming from you just want your effort /scarifice acknowledged..... so inthis repsect YANU they hopeless sometimes men but Ind nt think they mean to be at times, he i gong away mode!

Original poster

Poxykids · 05/03/2011 23:59

Thank you.

I fell asleep putting DS to bed and have just woken up , so at least I can catch up on my sleep!

DH has send several texts to say how much he is mising me so I think he is feeling a little guilty.

I did tell him that I thought he could have tided up whilst I was out. He seemed quite shocked and said 'but I was looking after DCs so you could get your hair cut'

I told him that since I was now 'looking after DCs whilst you go away', he shouldn't be surprised if the lunch things were still there when he got back tomorrow .

I know I'm being grumpy but I think I'm entitled to feel a little sorry for myself!

OP posts:

dexifehatz · 06/03/2011 00:28

Quite right too!! Why do men lose their arms when looking after the kids?

supadupapupascupa · 06/03/2011 12:39

erm I just read back and saw you said that what really upset you wa that he had a lay-in because otherwise he would have been too tired on the night out.

Presumably this means you haven't had a lie-in at all this weekend and if that is the case then I would be seriously pissed off! I look forward to my one lie-in per week and going out that night is not reasonable excuse for making you miss it!

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